My ex and I went to Sweet Loraine's for dinner with her best friend and her friends boyfriend. I'd never met the guy before. So we order drinks. I order a Remy Martin and my ex orders a fancy drink. Her friends boyfriend asks for a Red Bull and vodka and the waitress informs him that they don't have Red Bull. He then flips a shit on the poor girl making a scene and embarrasses the rest of us. As if that wasn't enough for one night, we get the bills and he snatches them both and says "I have a good and money isn't a thing for me" and gives me a snotty smile. I wanted to punch him right in the face. Worst night I've had at a restaurant in a long time

and i actually tried to post this under quiverfull just to see if it showed up....and it didn't.   anyway, telling one where technically i wasn't the protagonist, but a whole group of us went out to the brown jug after kicking everybody out of charlie's.   one of the 'we' tables doesn't have enough $ to pay for their meal and somehow the manager figures that out.   so when that table takes off, they are met in that little doorway/sally port (still there?) by an ann arbor cop coming in to brace them.  our buddy, who will remain unnamed, but who was one of the lineman on the football team panicked and popped the cop right on the button and dropped him on the spot.  

like that scene in caddyshack, they then quickly walk away.....

Not an in the restaurant experience but I valeted cars while in college and have plenty of crazy stories.  I had to call the cops on a wasted lady becasue I refused to give her her car.  After she took a swing at me and the cops as well, away she went in the back of a cop car.  When she returned the next day to get her car she looked right at me and asked if I knew who was working the day before.  She had no idea it was me.  When I told her that I was working she gave me a big hug and thanked me because she would have been on her way to pick up her granddaughter from school.  

More Red Lobster fun.

My wife and I sit down and get our drinks and order our food. A half hour later my food comes to the table and the waiter looks at us confusedly. We ask where her food is. 15 min later they bring her plate. Wrong food. 30 minutes later, they bring the correct food. But by then we're on our way home.

The end

I was in line to pay for coffee at the b-school cafe. Line is a little long (as always in the morning coffee rush), some punk ass BBA shouts angrily "yo could this line move any slower". Thank god the the cashier (who was always very sweet) did not hear, and to this day I have no idea how I restrained knocking him out on the spot.

My husband and I were having dinner at a bar in Evanston. Along with one other table, we were the only patrons on the second floor of the restaurant. We ordered at about the same time the other customers did, so they brought our orders out at the same time. My husband took a big bite of his burger and realized it wasn't what he ordered. We noticed the guy at the next table had a burger, too, so my husband reached out and said, "I think they switched our orders but I've already taken a bite out of the burger." And the guy said, "That's ok, I don't mind," and took the burger, with one bite out of it from a complete stranger, and ate it. 

As a child I once ate a whole bowl of Maraschino cherries at Red Lobster and then proceeded to puke them up a few minutes later. My dad instinctively put his hands out and caught it...

The outcome is better than the story. He was just changing one of the TVs to a playoff baseball game and the manager got pissed. Another table started giving us score updates after the manager told us to finish our drinks and leave.

I had a gift certificate I was given to a local country club.  I wanted to impress my fiancee, so I called ahead for reservations to make it a special night so we wouldnt have to wait and we could go out afterwards.  Needless to say,  I get there and tell them my name and low and behold, they do not have my name.

 I immediately went into my Jerry Seinfeld rant about "how they know how to take the reservation.... but they don't know how to hold the reservation.... and that's really about the most important part about the reservation..... is the holding."

Anyways,  we had to wait an extra hour before we got seated and served and the food was very mediocre and the service was way too long.  Good thing it was a gift certificate I was given.  The manager was not impressed either with my Seinfeld quote and my future wife was not impressed with our evening either.

In Ohio once. The end.

In the middle of a dance floor at the bar after our work Christmas party a few years back

Eating with my now wife at a fairly small, but very popular local restaurant. This place has a pretty tight parking lot and always full, and just off of a fairly busy road. During dinner this guy was being a complete asshat to his waitress and my wife and I couldn't help but think the guy was needlessly being a jerk. We were seated near a window and at some point during dinner watched a smaller delivery truck pull into the parking lot quickly, clip back end of a car, then dart back out onto the road heading in the opposite direction. At first we were a little pissed that neither of is were able to catch a license plate, until about three minutes later when we watched the same guy who was being the asshat walk out and totally flip out when he saw how car. We enjoyed the rest of our dinner.

on Monday for lunch.  They were out of lemons.  Also out of sweet potato chips.  I asked for an extra napkin.  Turns out they were out.  OF NAPKINS.  No biggie, just seemed a very odd thing to be out of at a restaurant.

.... I would probably be the antagonist in most of my stories.

In Moscow in the 90s there was a bar called The Hungry Duck. It was infamous, often labeled the wildest bar on the planet at that time. The Canadian owner had an idea. Every Thursday and Sunday was "Ladies Night". What that meant was, at 6pm he opened the doors and only let in women, beautiful, young Muscovite women. No cover charge, free drinks until 9pm. And free "entertainment": male strippers would dance on the horseshoe bar and pull the young ladies up on top, and given the free liquor and the general air of 'anything goes' in Moscow in the 90s, by 9pm the bar was full of hundreds of drunk young women in various states of undress. 

At 9pm he opened the doors to men and charged a cover fee so high only expat businessmen and very wealthy Russians could afford to enter. Which of course always included a cohort with mob ties. It was a feeding frenzy. I was new to town and had no idea until I was told by some clients from New Zealand that they wanted to hire my firm and we would finalize the details of the contract at this place on Thursday night. Needless to say I was quite surprised to be negotiating in such circumstances, but that turned out to be pretty typcial of Boris Yeltsin's Moscow. 

The Hungry Duck was eventually closed by a legislative act of the Russian Duma, who termed it a national embarassment. The Canadian owner went home a millionaire several times over, even after paying off the Moscow police, the mob, and of course several members of the Russian Duma.