OT: When to Reveal Your True Self
I will soon be back on The Dating Scene and might b a lil rusty. So I'm going to axe my fellow MgoBloggers a few Dating Ettiquette questions.
First, it seems that the term "dating" is not in vogue anymore. Not from a definitional standpoint, but because our co-dependent culture has made the term irrelevant. Now, it seems as if you are "together" as a couple if you go beyond Date One.
The problem I have with that--and here's the crux of the situation--is that you can NOT possibly be "datING" or "a couple" unless three things are happening: 1) You are using HER bathroom, leaving skidmarks and odors that would make a skunk jealous; 2) You are openly farting in her presence; 3) You are belching the Belch of the Gods.
Nos 2 and 3 are important. This is your "True Self." Face it, we are NOT the guy we sell when we meet a chick. We hate any and all ghey movies. We do NOT like shopping. We are NOT sensitive (not counting the underside of our penises), and we LOVE to fart and burp. Purposely. Even Michigan Man, who suppresses any and all emotion and outward displays ofinelligence, objectivity, civil and social graces, and is usually self righteous to a point that he could give lessons to Mark Dantonio or Mitch Albom, burps and farts.
S I ask you: Is it two months? Three? And don't go into sex, because let's face it, if you aren'tbanging the girl by about the 9th minute you know her, you aren't Dating in the 2000's, and, of course, once you are banging her, all bets are off. Burping, farting, borrowing money from her, telling her she DOES look fat in that dress, and being truthful by saying her cooking sucks are now on the table.
I'm not exactly saying tell me when it's ok to have her "pull your finger"--just when it is OK to release those pent up gasses that magically build the minute you and she sit down for a quiet eveing of you pretending to like "Dancing with the Starz" or H&G TV.
September 21st, 2009 at 6:22 PM ^
Guess that depends on the girl, each relationship is different. Of course if she doesn't understand and accept my love/mild obsession with Michigan football, I would never let it get that far anyway. I think the younger you are, the longer you have to wait to put yourself out there, the older you get the sooner I think it will work, because you're both more mature. The true major first step is when you get her her first Michigan jersey; I'll be giving mine hers in a couple weeks. If she already has one, jackpot, purchase a rock immediately.
September 21st, 2009 at 6:21 PM ^
Burping, farting, borrowing money from her, telling her she does look fat in that dress was standard game plan for most of my FIRST dates.
Being able to burp and fart the Victors will earn you extra points.
I miss the single life sometimes...
September 21st, 2009 at 7:50 PM ^
All I know is that I'm single, and I have submarined at least two relationships by being overly abrasive in arguing that a) alums occupy a higher place in fandom than regular fans (case in point: I run into a ton of tOSU fans who, when presented with the option of actually attending school there, chose a better school. I didn't- I put my money where my mouth was [er, loan money actually, dammit] and went to U of M.) which led to an argument that ended a relationship b/c my then-girl-I-was-dating roots for Kansas but went to Illinois. Also b) Michigan's general superiority, which I am obviously biased about. Doesn't help that I live in Big Ten country and most other schools for some reason aren't big fans of U of M.
Anyway, I, for one, have kind of decided that I'm going to lay super-low when it comes to talking about my obsession with U of M, at least as long as I can hide it. Fuck. It has led to multiple significant problems. Apparently I'm an arrogant jackass about this stuff. So...if you're like me, don't reveal this part of you for...awhile. Like...uhh, apparently, 4 months in was too soon in my case.
September 22nd, 2009 at 8:32 AM ^
you're single? no way.
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:27 AM ^
Such a hater. Yeah, like I said, I need to do a better job hiding how obnoxious I am about my fandom.
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:12 PM ^
Actually, you need to refrain from breeding.
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:40 PM ^
I have a little problem with your "alums occupy a higher place in fandom than regular fans." I definitely understand it to a point, but there are some circumstances beyond what you think. I would have loved to have gone to UofM but I wasn't a D1 athlete. I played D2 basketball and didn't have to pay for school.
I wouldn't take my decision back. I now coach college basketball and don't plan on doing anything else for the rest of my life. I love my life and my decision on college has led me to this point.
I use to live in Ann Arbor and my dad went to high school in A2. They only reason he didn't go to UofM was because he wanted to get away from home. I have been a Michigan fan since the day I was born. I wouldn't have it any other way.
I have some friends that are alums and I know I am a bigger fan than they are. Once again, I know what you are trying to say but it doesn't always apply.
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:17 PM ^
Alot of alums' first steps on Michigan soil were when they hit the UM campus. Being a grad in no way gives a person any bigger seat at the UM Fan Table.
In fact, it's the people who didn't go there, but chose to be UM fans (for whatever reason), and sign the paychecks of Michigan football with ticket purchases and such that probably deserve a hell of a lot more credit for supporting UM (or any college) athletics than they get.
Hell, UM is very selective in who they soak $100,000 out of for a degree. Many fans would have been alums if they could have gotten into UM. So don't give me any twatty, uptight fucktard shit about "grads better than the rest" Silver Spoons and higher ACT scores don't entitle anybody to any claim of being more of a fan than anyone ese.
September 21st, 2009 at 6:22 PM ^
Last year I was with a girl for about 9 months while providing her with a false age, occupation, and location.
I know. I'm horrible.
Also, I wouldn't recommend this. It ends poorly.
September 21st, 2009 at 6:26 PM ^
You apparently did no marry or impregnate her. Sounds like you made out just fine!
September 21st, 2009 at 7:23 PM ^
One is that I learned to like the cougars.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:29 PM ^
Who hasn't done this?
September 21st, 2009 at 7:58 PM ^
Lying for a night or two is easy enough. Remembering that, according to your altar ego, R. Kelly's "I believe I can fly" actually came out during late high school as opposed to middle school (and doing so while drunk) gets a little difficult.
FWIW, this was not the method by which she found out. That actually happened at Arby's.
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:39 AM ^
I'm embarassed for you.
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:07 AM ^
Yeah, going to Arbys with all that baggage was probably a bad call.
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:11 AM ^
Nothing good can come of going to Arbys. Not epinion, e-fact.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:38 PM ^
For who? It sounds like you got what you wanted and she got pissed. I agree with KoB that you fared quite well.
September 21st, 2009 at 6:34 PM ^
Hmmm... Well I'd say if you have to hide it from the get go you probably shouldn't even go on date one.
I mean unless you know how to conceal it well while in a woman's presence.
September 21st, 2009 at 6:37 PM ^
To be honest, I have been with my wife for 12 years (married 6) and when we first few yew months we met I put her through the proverbial ringer. Do not get me wrong, I was nice and caring just as I am now , but I hung out with my friends all the time, made plans and broke them off repeatedly, and in general just did what I wanted. Now I know this sounds crazy and I do not act this way now nor do I advise anyone else try it but I just really wanted to see if she was in it for the long run or just passing time. I was tired of women playing silly games and all the other bs and I felt as though I needed some stability aslo so I said to hell with it. I went for broke. And wouldn't ya know it, here I am 12 years later and married with a beautiful little 16 month old girl and I would not have changed a thing. I would just get the formalities out of the way the first date or two and then do your thing! Don't change for anybody. Remember....If you cant change the people around you, change the people around you!
September 21st, 2009 at 6:42 PM ^
So I played silly games with her.
Hmmm
I guess we can all meet that desperate woman who is willing to put up with a bunch of shit just so she can shut her Granny up with a couple of kids and a husband.
September 21st, 2009 at 6:53 PM ^
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that saying things of that nature will not impress her but hey, what do I know?
I can deal with trying to impress the granny as long as she keeps the Michigan football tickets coming! (just kidding)
September 21st, 2009 at 6:42 PM ^
That you and you're farts are a "package deal".
September 21st, 2009 at 8:25 PM ^
or reproduce.
September 21st, 2009 at 8:34 PM ^
I wish someone had given your parents that advice.
(Of course I'm not serious, but it seems like the appropriate response)
September 21st, 2009 at 6:46 PM ^
Make sure she either reads the Blog with you or is at least willing to give you time to read the Blog whenever you want to.
September 21st, 2009 at 8:26 PM ^
It breaks the awkward silence in the morning when you do not remember her name, really.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:22 AM ^
You grab a pen and ask her how to spell her name, "I just want to get it right."
September 21st, 2009 at 6:59 PM ^
I think any married guy is going to have the same answer, and it's going to sound trite and cliche and you will find it useless.
But what the hell, right?
When you meet her you find yourself being yourself without trying. In fact, you have to remind yourself a lot early on that you haven't known this person all that long, and probably should be keeping some things to yourself.
If farting in her face is important to you, chin up, my man, there is a woman out there just waiting for an ass-facing from you.
For my part, I farted early and often, and she hated it every second. Also I had to learn how to keep toilet seats down and stuff, and she hated that.
I guess what I'm saying is Fart. If you rip and she comes back, she's yours for life. But if cut cheese and she leaves, it was never meant to be.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:37 PM ^
I agree with this. It's important to just be yourself right from the beginning. If she can't handle it, then at least you know right from the beginning that she's not the one for you and you can move instead of investing a lot of time into a relationship that will never work out.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:39 PM ^
a Wayne's World spin off? I say spew, if you spew and she bolts, it was never meant to be...
September 21st, 2009 at 8:04 PM ^
"If you're going to spew, spew in this."
Sorry, couldn't resist.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:57 PM ^
"chin up, my man, there is a woman out there just waiting for an ass-facing from you"
nicely done.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:01 PM ^
Ask her when she's going to reveal her true self. The conversation should be one to remember.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:11 PM ^
We have a winner!
Every guy sould know, though, that a woman NEVER reveals her true self.
At least, not unless it is done in painfully slow incremental steps that only coincide with their ability to suck the life out of men over the course of a marriage.
Don't tell me this doesn't happen.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:04 PM ^
Dont ask a MESSAGE BOARD for dating advice!
September 21st, 2009 at 7:16 PM ^
The internet in general is a poor place for dating advice.
I encourage you to post your question on Yahoo! Answers and watch the hilarity ensue. (Make sure to share the link here.)
September 21st, 2009 at 8:16 PM ^
Particularly one devoted to sports.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:12 PM ^
Just say, look, farting is a deal breaker. But no double standards - she has to be able to fart in front of you, too. And - she must like Michigan football. No tolerating it, or putting up with it. She must be able to sit through an entire game and watch it and like it and make reasonably intelligent comments or ask reasonably intelligent questions. I made that a condition of my husband. I recently told him, as soon as the kids are off to college (hopefully Michigan), we're moving to Ann Arbor for the football season or the deal's off. He likes the idea.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:30 PM ^
So, are you a farter? Public farts are also great. Dropping a bomb in the Soup aisle at the grocery store, then hanging out at the end of it to watch people faint is some kind of fun.
I love the Ann Arbor move. +1. If people were smart, though, they'd skip the 25 years or so spent raising kids (by not having them) and just move there when they decide it's time to pretend you're going to spend the rest of your lives together.
September 21st, 2009 at 8:50 PM ^
I could care less what my girl (or pretty much any girl for that matter) thinks about UM football. Every Saturday, my gal drives me to the bar, hands me a wad of cash to buy beers with, then picks me up after the game and we pound one out (after I check the boxscore and highlights, of course). If I had to sit there for three hours listening to her dumbass questions and asinine comments about the game I would go nuts. On the flip side, I don't want to have sex with John Madden. I think my setup gives me the best of both worlds.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:27 PM ^
If the first six times didn't work out, maybe you should just give up?
September 21st, 2009 at 7:30 PM ^
It's official. MGoBoard has become Scout.
September 21st, 2009 at 7:31 PM ^
Where ya been?
September 21st, 2009 at 8:11 PM ^
Denial, as they say, is not a place in Egypt.
September 22nd, 2009 at 8:04 AM ^
Nor a river
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:38 AM ^
for some time now.
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:37 AM ^
how your soon-to-be ex-wife let such a catch like you get away?
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:21 PM ^
I'll not deny it.
I know, I know. I am one of the oh so few who ever get divorced.
But in her defense: I am kind of a big--asshole.
I suppose that it all depends on the exact time when you will want to reveal your true self. Don't need to hurry with this, trust me. It is better to think twice before. By the way, if you just want to have good sex without any relationship there are some websites for this. https://www.maturesforfuck.com as for me, I like mature women.