OT: What do I Tell My Kids???

Tell them you're Batman!

A hard troll job on Maizen. I like it.

Get rid of the kids, it's obvious they are the curse.

I hope I missed something.

uh, I've been a Chicagoan and Cub fan for over 50 years...

would be about that Delta flight

Tell them to root for Ohio State

about maizen, jfc

Their Dad could've been A-MAIZEN

Two words for you: Browns Football! Feel the excitement!

Which kid is better? Wouldn't hurt to sacrifice the other one.

MLS may not get great TV ratings but those stadiums are almost all always full....

#JustSayin
#IAintScurredOfYourNegs!

Foosball is the devil

Someone had sex with your creepy ass at least twice???

They are not going to listen anyway. I told my son to wear something visible for trick-or-treating so that cars would see him and he wouldn't get run over, like any responsible parent would do. So he dressed as a ninja, all black outfit with a black ski mask. He did make it home alive, so maybe some things I've tried to teach him over the years have gotten through to him.

Cheer up butter cup, not many

Young people have ever seen an

Elite QB at Michigan in their short
Lives.

I am very optimistic Peters will

Be the difference maker we've all

Been waiting for.

Tell them good things come to those who

Wait and we don't cheat so it takes a little longer.

So I decided to move to Tuscaloosa. 

Sure, it's hot, humid, and miserable here almost all the time, and my kids have more teeth than the rest of their classmates combined, but we're seeking some damn good football games!

Roll Tide!

If you think MLS teams play to empty stadiums, you have never been to an MLS game.

Dude, it is just a sport.  You are not a competitor, just a spectator.  It is supposed to be fun and relaxing.  If it is not fun, don't do it!  Go in with zero expectation, enjoy the show and appreciate the performances.  Same thing if you are a competitor, give it your all, have fun and a short memory for failures. 

reverse the vasectomy and have more kids!

And OP is already wasting  our time with worthless shitposts. Tell your kids that not every team is Alabama and wins are earned. If you can't deal with that, tell them to get into another hobby. I wish I could neg you more than once for posting such stupid bullshit.

Teach them that winning a championship goes beyond the team and the coaches.  Tell them it is their job to badger and berate Harbaugh and the entire coaching staff until they perennially only sign recruiting classes of 22 five stars (if there are that many). 

Hey - it's a team effort is what we got to get going here.

Brandon Peters looks like a young Syd Barrett.

I'd be more concerned about explaining the recent outbreak of celebrity sexual harrasment allegations brought on by climate change caused by the russians

Tell your kids whatever you want.  I'm raising God Damn Cleveland Browns fans.

Now there's a level of emotional torture you will NEVER have to worry about.

I feel like, as you suggested, if you really start focusing on the Lions, your emotional sports life, and your family life, is going to improve beyond your wildest dreams!

In today's world of every game  on TV.  

YOU need to be the change.  You need to become Yankees, Duke (or Kansas), Notre Dame, Cowboys fan.

Start buying only these shirts,  only go to the front page any catelog.  Start vehemently proclaiming your fandom for them.  Cut ties with anyone who questions you.

If anyone asks why you're a fan with no affilation to any of these teams, say  'I liked the colors when I was a kid."

Do it right and you're guarantteed at least one winner every year.

is going to be the career of Don Brown and Greg Mattison.

The OL is eventually going to catch up.

I really feel if Rashan Gary stays for his 4th year (which would be '19-Fall season) then we are going to be deep in the hunt for the Dr Pep trophy.

This dark place you're saying you're in. Would it happen to be the sewers with all the missing Derry children you've captured and eaten? 

I think your only real recourse is to Truman Show them and pay an entire town to act like Michigan won a conference title last year and will be in the playoffs every other year from now to eternity.

Tell 'em that Maizen is their real daddy. 

Ask an old Cubs fan, try to find one around 70 or 80. I often wonder what they told kids, grandkids and greatgrandkids. The depression never left for that fan base, which were good times for us Cardinals fans. Until then, cheer up buttercup it'll get better, we have Jim Harbaugh not Brady Hoke.

Here is what I would tell you,"It's difficult to make predictions, particularly about the future"

On the other hand, if they are going to root for a different team go for the for sure winners:  Alabama in Football,  Golden State Warriors in NBA.   

Baseball is a bit random but your best bet is to be a Yankee fan.

like Jai Alai, Hot Oil Wrestling and Professional Rochambeau.

up to Mount everest

no TV 9 months of the year, farm work every day, school 12 months/yr.   they'll learn to love their sports but be too busy to lament too much over whether or not we won X title.  

and we will indeed win titles.  

now turn that sad clown face into a glad clown face and release all those hostages. 

EDIT:  fauxmo, you're the best, but what is with upvoting your own OP?  are you really maizen in disguise.  take off the make-up so we can see your real face.  

EDIT #2:  the upvote is more subtlety.  went over my head first time.  excellent work. 

I have thoughts about this.  You may not like them.  People with access to the green and red buttons may not like them.  ok.

1. In reality, you should tell your kids that evidence is beginning to show that football is a very dangerous sport for the players, with many, many cases of brain damage being discovered.  So for that reason, they should not play or support football whatsoever.  I say this with the understanding that I'm a hypocrite.  But smokers tell their kids not to smoke, sometimes it works.  

2. Tell them to follow Michigan hockey, baseball, soccer, swimming, tennis and basketball (and whatever else!). Tell them to follow men's and women's sports.  Tell them to follow club sports.  Ann Arbor gives them lots and lots of opportunities.  Tell them to take being a community member and supporter of student athletes seriously and turn them into Michigan Superfans.

3. Look 150 miles to the west.  The Cubs won a championship after 108 years of disappointment.  And remember that there's something sickeningly gratifying about being part of the fan base for the team who can never quite get there.  The Lions, the Cleveland Browns, the Cubs before 2016, etc. etc. have a very tight base of support that has almost been a result of them losing all the time.  I loved the Lions fans' reactions to getting cheated out of a win recently - the joke was that only the Lions could invent a new way to lose a game by actually winning the game.  So being a fan of a team that doesn't win Championships can be great fun!

4. The worst thing you can do is teach your kids that it's only worth committing to something if that something "wins."  Don't teach your kids to be fair weather fans, or fans of only the championship teams.  Teach them to be with their team, with their spouses, with their families, with their friends, and with their commitments through thick and thin.  Teach them perseverence.  Loyalty.  Hope.

Way too serious of a response for a sports blog, but if your questions are serious, then these answers are serious.

Tell them that saliva causes cancer, but only if swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.

(Hey, if you can't use George Carlin to emotionally scar your kids, who can you use?)

and tell them there is no hope UM will never win a significant game in football ever again. At first they will be upset, but in the long run they will come to appreciate your honesty and that they didn't waste their entire lives hoping UM could actually win something in football....

Beat Michigan State.

Calling soccer players mediocre athletes? You've obviously never played the sport. Soccer players are often times the best athletes.

What with all the “what with...”?

When people get run over in NYC, I too go to dark place and ponder the future for our kids.

When i think of M football I only can be optimistic about our team, and more so, about the character of our young men. Go Blue.

You can act like a man . . .

"Who's got it better than us?"

Why are you a UM fan? Did you go to school there, originally from the area, grow up with parents as fans, just like the the uniforms, etc? Regardless, it probably isn't because of how good they were. And, you are not them, so you shouldn't judge your own happiness or self worth on if they win or lose. If you only cared about wins you can simply start liking OSU and your problems are solved.

I know it's human to get happy when your team wins and frustrated when they lose, but you also need to realize it's a game and entertainment. It's not your life, your job, or your family. Its a hobby, so I'd encourage you to work on finding some balance and keep UM football in the proper perspective.

Candy in one day.

How do fans of other schools who never ever ever get championships remain fans? 

I dunno man, I think you're being whiny and overly negative (insert joke about Maizen here). We root for Michigan because we went to school there. It's more than just a football team. That should be reason enough.

Michigan football is the best damn football in the state of Michigan. Now that the Wings and Tigers are cellar dwellers and the Pistons have been cellar dwellers, I would say Michigan football is the best sport in the state!

Can you imagine having to explain to them how Rudy ended up in Hawkins, Indiana?

GO BLUE?

Sack up, buttercup.  Jeez.

For people not getting the sarcasm - please read the last line about Baylor and Louisville.

Mgoblog turns closer and closer to shit by the day. The whole point of this thread is to "troll" another user who is annoying. So you are going to show him by being just as annoying.

Keep the blog for Michigan sports, not childish harassment.

+1 for the creative troll but -1 for upvoting your own post.

What do you tell your kids? What kind of fan are you? Sheesh.

1. Never upvote your own posts. Even though those points are truly meaningless, it is bad form. Tsk, tsk.
2. Your kids can do what they want, but if you are a true fan, you root for Michigan. I live in Chicago. I have been a Sox fan my whole life. Never a Cubbie. But those long suffering Cubs fans were finally rewarded.
3. What kind of faith do you have in Harbaugh anyway? Michigan should be solidly competing for Big 10 Championships and more year in and year out, starting in 2019.

You must be kdding, but I fail to see the humor.

Take this to the extreme and your kids should never follow any college football team other than Alabama, OSU or Clemson.

The OP is stunning, certainly not in a positive manner.

I'm assuming that this was all sarcasm.

That or you're being an asshat.  I really do assume the former though, that or I need to stay off the internet or see if Amazon has a cheap sarcasm detector browser plug-in that I can get delivered within 2 days for free.

I’ve been around since 03 and for you to lose faith is beyond me. I will forever bleed maize and blue.

you approach just like Santa Claus...let them believe as long as they want, and you go right along with it!

/s

Your kids "Go Blue!" Make them follow the greatest university in the world.

We all float down here and you'll float too!

Don't Ever Give Up.... Never, Ever.....

it's all their fault.

 have you informed the coaches yet how dissapointed you are in their recruiting and overall efforts? what a pussy.

Tell your kids you are pathetic and shallow.

i hope you're not a Lions fan...

Sign up begins next Monday.

How awful for them.

The responses to this post prove that most people don't read past the first paragraph or two.

Bravo, FauxMo, this was pretty brilliant. My only criticism would be that the build up was too slow for the people to get to the punchline. Too bad, because what you say puts everything in perspective and is really a message everyone should get.