This is revolutionary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
alternate headline: man does job
now my tummy hurts and i feel depressed. awesome.
ONN = Onion News Network. So it's ok ;)
thank you. i usually catch that shit all the time but from the screen cap it looked relatively legit. i could actually see scientists trying to do that, though not by putting down a healthy cat (don't know if that's the premise of the video but, you know...)
i feel better now.
Then I saw their news logo was an onion followed by "NN"...That would have been fucked up if true. All is well, as gorillas have no idea of their impending demise.
Will never be taught to Chuck Norris, as it will never happen
It's from the Onion. I really wouldn't get too bent out of shape about it.
Was this really necessary? Now Quigley needs a shrink and some coping skills.
But I thought we all died a little (on the inside) that day?
It was just the start of what can only be described as death (the last 3 years of Michigan football, with only the Citrus Bowl offering false hope).
I mean suddenly you know when you are going to die? What if it was, like, next week? I'd be glum all week...then I'd be dead.
could get pretty hairy.
Somebody is going to go ape-shit
But I suspect they'll go bananas first.
No more monkey business!
Despite the C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!!! I have to posbang any clip of Eddie Izzard.
throw it at someone.
Is death a better fate than repeated punches to the soul-dong?
why are we talking about CRex's penis?
oh, my bad. i thought you said Seoul Dong
Scientists ruin gorilla's day
Well, he will make a damn fine soldier.
Maybe they can teach MSU fans that Dantonio is .500 as a D1 head football coach?
There is hope for OSU alums, too!
That is revolutionary but terrible none-the-less. Its one thing to teach an animal to be aware of its existence, but to teach one that it will someday die is cruelty!
I hope everyone understands this is supposed to be a joke!
"...then it became a pattern of gorilla born, gorilla grow, gorilla die, over and over"
What a shitty day for that gorilla.
I remember the day I learned that I would end. I still don't believe I haven't always been here.
This could be a legitimate study, is the crazy thing.
While this particular story uses Tulane University, a lot of Onion stories use the University of Michigan as the school featured in the story. Always thought that was curious.
"curious"? .... Curious .... George?
They have always been very Midwest-centric for some reason.
Perhaps because they were founded in and operated for years out of Madison? Somehow they still keep that despairing Midwestern humor alive in New York, God love em.
I believe it was founded by Wisconsin grads, but one of them must have gone here because they've displayed a pretty strong knowledge of U-M, Ann Arbor and even Ypsi at times.
but now that you say Wisconsin, that definitely rings a bell.
"Report: Beautiful billionaires ranked as happiest people in America followed by delusional poor people"
For OSU students and other lesser beings? (like rocks)
By teaching him that he could get married?
is the bomba. If you haven't seen the HBO special "Dress to Kill" you need to netflix that shat pronto, bub.
Kind of a bummer for the big guy. Hope he can come to terms with it and move on.
some guy in a gorilla suit.