OT: The path not taken. A thread for reflection and regrets

Submitted by The Mad Hatter on

Lately I've been thinking about a few decisions in my life that led me to where I am today.  

Is there a single event or decision that changed your life, for good or bad, which sticks out in your memory?  Did you make the right decision?  If you had to do it over again would you turn left instead of right?

I've made too many mistakes to count, but my biggest regret is my choice of career.  I was a pretty good DJ (radio, not unce unce unce) and lately I've been thinking I should have stuck with it instead of selling my soul to a bank.

MichiganTeacher

July 20th, 2016 at 12:42 PM ^

if you like Frost, you may like Edna St. Vincent Millay. Same time period, roughly same area. Her reputation has fluctuated more than Frost's, but she's great.

Sam1863

July 20th, 2016 at 2:28 PM ^

That's mine. I quit playing football during summer two-a-days just before my junior year. Just woke up one morning with a classic case of teenage "fuck this shit" and didn't go to practice. The rule was, if you missed three practices, you were immediiately cut, so I skipped three and went and cleaned out my locker. Shoving all my gear in my gym bag, I was full of 16-year-old certainty that I didn't need this shit, didn't need this asshole coach, had better things to do, etc.

That maybe lasted two weeks, and then I started to feel I'd made a mistake. The mistake was confirmed when I watched the team run out on the field at Flint's Atwood Stadium in their new jerseys, while the world's greatest high school band played our fight song.

I could have been on that field - but I quit. And the reason I quit was because it was hard.

I realized years ago that I learned a very important lesson from that mistake, and also developed a permanent distaste for quitting. And maybe that lesson wouldn't have sunk in as deeply if I hadn't done what I did.

But dammit, if I could go back and do one thing over ...

MGoGrendel

July 20th, 2016 at 2:56 PM ^

and a number of other sports I put him when he was younger.  I can't say that he put a lot of effort into any sports.  He was intelligent (34 on the ACT) but not very smart.  The quitting pattern continued in college and he dropped out - twice.

At 22 I sent him back to college with a “you will not quit” edict.  He got a two year degree, got a job, and is enjoying his work.  I wish I pushed him harder with his school work, yard work, and didn’t allow him to quit everything, 

hunterjoe

July 20th, 2016 at 12:00 PM ^

I joined the military after 3 years of college and one year doing basically nothing after.  It was the best decision of my life.  However, I have some regrets around it.  Should have joined right after HS instead of waste 3 years in college that I'm still paying for.  However, I don't know that I'd have succeeded as well there without going in so late.  Who knows were I'd be now without the military, but I gurantee I would not be where I am now.  

shswhit51

July 20th, 2016 at 12:01 PM ^

I am actually at a crossroads right now. I am an educator who has been interning at a company this summer to help design all new training program. They have offered me a full time position which pays about 3x as much as I'm making in the classroom. The decision I make in the next 24 hrs is going to have life changing implications



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Hab

July 20th, 2016 at 12:31 PM ^

There are always costs that aren't necessarily measured in dollar signs.  Good luck.  I know more than a few people who have regretted taking raises and additional responsibilities after being able to identify what those other costs were down the road.

Good luck to you in doing what's best for you and your family.

drzoidburg

July 20th, 2016 at 3:32 PM ^

well at least it's not like my sister in law's parents, who moved to saudi arabia to work in the american oil complex there. Ungodly hot and shari'a law, halfway across the world from anyone they knew. The upside is he's gonna retire by age 50. The company knew they couldn't convince anyone to go for less than triple

stephenrjking

July 20th, 2016 at 12:30 PM ^

There's more to life than money.

But money isn't bad, and career-wise it seems reasonable to think that teaching will still be there to go back to if you don't like what you move to or it doesn't work out.

Much larger considerations are things like family, home, personal attachment to your community, that sort of thing. If you have kids with friends in school and a home you like and things you do outside of work that bring joy and fulfillment, that's worth a lot more than money and would have to be weighed carefully.

OTOH if you are, say, single with no kids living in a decent but unspectacular apartment and you're indifferent to the place you live, well, this quite the opportunity.

mgolund

July 20th, 2016 at 2:32 PM ^

Based on first-hand experience. I went from a much higher-paying, awful job with awful people to government work. I still make very good money, but the lifestyle is orders of magnitude better. Income potential is limited, but I have an awesome work-home life balance and never dread coming to the office.

MichiganTeacher

July 20th, 2016 at 12:52 PM ^

How much do you like teaching?

I had to make a similar decision about 20 years ago. I think it was easier for me because a) I loved loved loved teaching, and b) I didn't really understand the difference that money makes. Even though I have a much better grasp of b) now, I still am glad that I chose a).

So - if you really like teaching - I'd say stick with it. I do often reflect on my career choice, but I always end up thinking, "But then I never would have met this kid," or "But then I wouldn't have experienced this thing." 

Of course, if you like the new job better, take it. Don't stick with teaching out of some sense of nobility or duty. That won't be good for you or the students.

grumbler

July 20th, 2016 at 1:18 PM ^

I've done the moneymaking thing before teaching, and it is astonishing how much more freedom you have as a teacher with a solid retirement plan already in place and funded.  I was able to take up a job at an independent school (3x the job satisfaction) because I didn't need to stay in public education for the pension.

it was so worth 10 years outside the classroom.  I'd do it again every time.

MichiganTeacher

July 21st, 2016 at 3:10 PM ^

Yes, I agree. The thing is, public teacher retirement systems are absurdly good for their scale. Not a ton of money by many standards, but relative to the teacher's salary, quite good. At my tier in the NY state teacher's retirement system, the fund will pay me half my annual salary plus very good healthcare when I retire at 63. Now, half my annual salary isn't a lot by successful business standards, but relatively speaking, that's not a bad deal.

I have also taught in the independent schools. I agree that there is in general far greater potential for job satisfaction there. And their retirement plans - generally ~5% matching in a 403b plan - are turrible.

Working in business for a while and then coming back to teaching is a very viable route if you are aiming at the independent schools. At the public schools, at least in NY, they keep piling on more and more regulations that make it harder and harder to enter teaching from anything but a 4-year dedicated program at a SUNY school (it's still possible, but I'm convinced that the people in the education department are trying to make it very painful and difficult).

bringthewood

July 20th, 2016 at 1:56 PM ^

I am an old fat bastard and have worked for several companies. The advice I give is to choose the company based upon it's culture. Your job will change, your boss will change, but it the company and it's underlying culture is often a constant. Is this a great place to work? The last time I made a decision I choose culture over money/position and am thrilled 15 years later with that decision.

It's not the same decision my 20/30 year old self would have made.

East German Judge

July 20th, 2016 at 2:37 PM ^

Tough decision, but keep in mind that doing "nothing" - keeping current job, is also an active decision you are making.  While we do not know all the facts that you have in front of you, I would take the "new" path and don't be conservative and keep doing what you are doing.  It seems that if it does not work out, you may be able to go back to the "old" job, but if you turn down this opportunity will another one like it come again???

PopeLando

July 20th, 2016 at 3:51 PM ^

See, I regret kissing her. I made a decision - a conscious decision - to date a girl when I saw the red flags. I was young, stupid, and also saw the potential there. Biggest mistake I've made. I turned down a few good jobs to stay with her. It predictably ended poorly, and in doing so ruined many friendships, my then-job, the city I lived in, and both my happiness and ability to trust women didn't recover for years. Sure I regret not going for it with some women. But holy hell have I fucked up worse.