OT: MSU Destroys Hott Chicks

Submitted by jc on
I feel the need to explode the rampant "MSU Has Hotter Chicks" meme. It's just not true, and I'm tired of hearing it. I dated an MSU coed for almost 2 years. She was super hott, as were many of her sorority sisters, BUT let me tell you a story that may change your opinion of MSU girls ... In 2007, I was in grad school at Northwestern and went to visit the girlfriend in E.L. for Halloween. She was a junior at the time, and we went to a party at the house of her guy friends. They were also juniors. As such, most of the girls at the party were freshman and sophomores. Ya know, cause chicks usually hang with older guys (this is a fact and should not be disputed). Anyway, all of the chicks at this party were out-of-control hott, wearing the most scandalous outfits. Half of the girls weren't even in real costumes, just wearing lingerie with no theme. It was like the Victoria's Secret fashion show, ass and titties for miles, and I was in heaven. Needless to say, I left E.L. on Sunday with my spank bank brimming, which was a good thing because Evanston probably has the nastiest girls in the whole Big Ten. Okay, now cut to 2008, I went to E.L. to visit the girlfriend for MSU's welcome week. She was a senior now, and we went to a party at the house of some of her sorority sisters, who were also seniors. In fact, every girl there was a senior, and the place was like an old French whore convention, with beer bellies, over-died hair, sun-damaged skin, distended livers and worn out faces that looked like broken-in baseball mitts. After we left the party, I began checking out every girl we passed on the way to Panchero's and back to the girlfriend's house, but well-tread, high-mileage, nasty-looking ladies outnumbered the hotties by like 2 to 1. My mind was blown. I didn't say anything at the time, but I mentioned it to her later, over the phone in the middle of the following week. She was a little offended, and we really didn't discuss further. Well the next weekend, she visited a friend in Ann Arbor and went to the Michigan game, and I got a call right before kick-off. She was at a tailgate with a bunch of senior girls from UM. Here's what she said (more or less): "OMG. I am so pissed. After we talked this week, I started looking around campus and around the house (her sorority), and you were so right. All the older girls at State are so dogged out. They're all fat and run down, even my friends. They all used to be so cute. I don't know what happened to them. And now, I'm in Ann Arbor, and you know what? All the Michigan girls I've seen today are so hawt! They are hawtter than the girls at State! They dress so well, and they're all still skinny and really cute. I am so pissed. This is the one thing we (MSU) had over you guys (UM). We had hotter girls. You guys are smarter and will make more money, but we were hotter. And you took it from us. You took our thing. It was all we had. I am so pissed, so pissed." I just laughed and laughed and laughed. So yes, MSU girls are hotter when they start school, as freshman, but State's smoke-green, snort-white, drink-everything, bone-anyone culture catches up with them fast. By the time they are seniors, alot of them look like 35-year-old meth heads. And as you can see from the quote above, even MSU girls will admit it. True story.

poguemahone

September 30th, 2009 at 10:24 PM ^

She clearly failed her will save after he cast Charm Person (only he replaces "person" with "HOTT SLUTZ"). I mean, she doesn't even have spell resistance, and while her Charisma score is 18, her Wisdom and Constitution leave a bit to be desired. I mean, it's all you can expect from a level 4 Whirling Booby Dervish. She clearly doesn't even have a basic understanding of power leveling.

Ernis

September 30th, 2009 at 9:41 PM ^

Man you speak the truth. But I know plenty of girls in Ann Arbor that don't fare better... damn, it's a shame how that skin loses its elasticity... and you know I'm not just talkin' about the face and belly Tap the keg 'til it's hit. Then tap a fresh one. Don't tap a hit keg.

Big Boutros

September 30th, 2009 at 9:44 PM ^

Did your super hot girlfriend who was super hot and smoking and a babe full of hotness, whom you dated and was your hot girlfriend, also have a hot ass with two hot buttcheeks comprised entirely of sexy hot babetacular hotness?

those.who.stay.

September 30th, 2009 at 10:14 PM ^

before coming to U of M... I pretty much agree with what's been said here. I never knew or saw many drop dead bombshells at MSU, but the women here at UM are generally better dressed and classier ladies.

Ben Ness

September 30th, 2009 at 10:28 PM ^

and aside from being a noisy and loathsome drunk she made the worst mix CD's. Kid Rock, Lil Flip, The Eagles, U2, Bone Thugz. She would rip Wu-Tang CD's out the deck in my car and throw in a bullshit Pink CD from her purse. She would also write these turgid five page notes complaining about her coworkers eating her chips or whatever. She was 4/5 years out of school and still went to State twice a month to party with her girls, which I was told was the shit. Pathetic. I date a UM girl now and her mixtape game is far tighter on some Velvet Underground, Ramones, Sam Cooke, etc. Spartan women: your cultural affiliations are the mirror that remind you of your ugliness.

Prophet

September 30th, 2009 at 10:59 PM ^

If you’ve never been to Provo, you’ve never seen real tail. As a young man moved from Michigan to Mo Mo country I quickly found out these girls didn’t drink and didn’t do drugs But boy O Boy they did everything else!!!!!! Seems there is some kind of ritual before they got married to restore the virginity! Not being a tobacco chewing cowboy nor a uptight Mo MO but and typical blue blooded Michigan boy Sure did wonders for my scorage, I think they all wanted to convert me ;) However as I spent my freshmen year out west in 1984 I took a ton of crap at the parties during the holiday bowl… I’m OWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! P.S I converted one of those hotties and married her ..

alabluema

September 30th, 2009 at 11:20 PM ^

This story has changed my opinion of MSU girls. I also learned the term "spank bank." I think it means a sort of library of attractive girls that you've seen, the visuals of which you can recall later when you want to masturbate. I also learned the word "hawt," which means attractive but in a sort of amped up way. I am more proud than ever that I attended the University of Michigan, because our girls actually look "hawter" by the time they graduate, whereas MSU girls become obese and develop dental problems as a result of too much partying in lingerie. Well, off to bed a little wiser and a bit randier because of this true story. Perhaps I'll make a withdrawal from my spank bank now. But of course I'll be imagining "hawt" MSU girls who are freshman and not seniors -- "LOL"!

sedieso

October 1st, 2009 at 1:54 AM ^

In the winter time, no matter what college, all girls look the same. Hair tied back, Ugg boots, and those Victoria's Secret sweats that say Pink on the backside.

ChiliDog

October 1st, 2009 at 1:58 AM ^

I love Halloween more now than when I was a squirt. Girls feel its a excuse to dress like a total tramp. Its very rare to see a college girl wearing a regular slut-less costume at a party unless they have issues(weight,mental stability,ect.). Sexy pirate, officer of the law, gypsy, Naughty nurse, And "HAWT" migrant worker are some crowd pleasers. Nothing like an ice cold PBR and candy corn.

tricks574

October 1st, 2009 at 2:15 AM ^

I've yet to see anything above a 7 in AA, and I've seen a pair of twins who where 9's in limited time at state. Might just be personal preference, and it is just anecdotal evidence. I think we need more trials to determine this. Maybe a calendar with each month being one of the hotter girls from each school mud wrestling. I'm sure Brian or Tim or Paul knows someone who can make this happen. We need it, for...science...and shit.

Magnus

October 1st, 2009 at 8:47 AM ^

Agreed on the MSU girls thing. I've seen a lot of freshman go there hot . . . and then by the age of 22, they've put on a few unwanted pounds and gotten pasty. At Michigan, I thought the girls got hotter as they aged.

Chrisgocomment

October 1st, 2009 at 9:52 AM ^

Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? I see the way you're actin' like you're somebody else Gets me frustrated Life's like this you You fall and you crawl and you break And you take what you get, and you turn it into Honestly, you promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it No no no