OT. mean things coaches have said to you

Submitted by Clair Voyant on

I have a couple
JV basketball practice after getting blown out the night before.
Coach P "you guys stink worse than my first shit in the morning"

Varsity Basketball after any mental error.
Coach K "you mental pygmy" his take on mental midget

Coach K to a football player at halftime getting abused by a D-lineman. "you 6'4" pussy"

This was many eons ago, I doubt coaches talk like this anymore.

bouje

October 8th, 2009 at 7:43 PM ^

Come on you not sprintin you joggin COME ON! (short Armenian soccer coach).

I do remember our English soccer coach reaming us a good one but I forget exactly what he said (mostly because he had a funny accent and said things like Lieu and Aluuuu-minium)

WoodleyIsBeast

October 8th, 2009 at 7:43 PM ^

When I played high school hockey and we were getting dominated on shots our coach said "C'mon let's go, our goalie is seeing more rubber than a hooker on a saturday night!" I thought that was pretty good.

Tacopants

October 8th, 2009 at 7:50 PM ^

If those were the worst things said to you, that's pretty mild. Our football coaches have dropped the F bomb multiple times within the same sentence, using it all sorts of meanings.

nightavenger

October 8th, 2009 at 7:59 PM ^

was a pro at using the F-bomb. He always had a special speech prepared for us on kick return team.

"Guys, come on. Its only 21 f-ing points. Three motherf-ing touchdowns! Lets get on that f-ing field, and f- one of those other f-ers up. Lets get a f-ing goddamn good kick return for a f-ing change!"

Big Boutros

October 8th, 2009 at 8:06 PM ^

My former high school JV baseball coach was a hilariously small man with a fierce Napoleon complex and a seething hatred for everyone in the world because he was continually passed over for the varsity coaching job.

One day during practice, he got mad as always and sent us on a mile run. We all jogged through it, myself especially. I sprinted the last half lap because I thought it was a badass thing to do. Instead, Coach Grumpy waddles over to me and screams "YOU WERE HALF-ASSING IT" and we couldn't help but laugh in his tiny face.

Plegerize

October 8th, 2009 at 8:10 PM ^

It wasn't necessarily mean but I had a coach that whenever someone got caught from behind in practice would talk to the player and ask him:

"When's your birthday son?"

Player: "[Such and such date]"

Coach: "Ask for some speed"

Other than that I've heard so many dirty things, things I cannot replicate on here because they just pissed you off as a player. But I've also heard a lot of good things, stuff that made me want to run through walls for my coach.

PIJER

October 8th, 2009 at 8:13 PM ^

My freshman coach was talking about one of the bigger lineman on the team during film study. "You fat dab of lard, the DT was killing the quarterback before you got your girth in motion. Next time act like he stole your F-ing hamburger, maybe that will get your fat ass in motion" I always thought that was the Mecca of negative motivation! Of course that was '91, hard to do now days with all the patty caking that administrators want coaches to do!!!

Captain

October 8th, 2009 at 8:13 PM ^

"You were a mistake you adopted sack of unwanted garbage. If you can't outrun the sweeper, you better hope you can outrun me because I will break one of your bones and kill your turtle. Santa isn't real."

-Coach Thompson, my first grade soccer coach.

BlueBulls

October 8th, 2009 at 8:52 PM ^

I played defense for my entire soccer career. Then in my junior year of high school the coach puts me in on offense near the end of a tie game.

I ended up scoring the game winning goal, my first goal in high school.

His response (in his british accent):

"You-you're awkward, but you get the job done."

Thanks coach.

AMazinBlue

October 8th, 2009 at 8:56 PM ^

used to always tell us we blocked like old ladies in high heels or we couldn't block old ladies in high heels.

Basketball coach told me I had "hands of stone". He also was the one who voted me for the "Whitehouse Award" for the strong effort in boys athletics. I wasn't the most gifted athlete, but I worked harder than most. (See Kurt Rambis).

Praetor951

October 8th, 2009 at 9:23 PM ^

pretty common saying, but i had a receiver on my team who had all the physical skills (he was like 6'3, pretty strong and pretty fast) but he couldn't "catch a cold if he was naked in January"

umhannon

October 8th, 2009 at 9:39 PM ^

My high school soccer coach that once wanted to skip practice to try out for American Gladiators: "Hannon, you f*ing prima donna. When you decide it is time to play the game as a team, I'll put your a** back in." I went on to score the winning goal; he went on to continue coaching like Nitro.

Elise

October 8th, 2009 at 10:11 PM ^

My freshman year on the varsity hockey team... I asked what I could do to get more playing time.

The response was a lot of hemming and hawing that basically meant "we think you're a lost cause."

MaizeAndBlueWahoo

October 8th, 2009 at 10:27 PM ^

I didn't play football, and I must have been lucky, because I didn't ever have a single coach that ever said anything really nasty to me. It's not like I never got yelled at, but nothing I didn't deserve. Other than "you didn't make the team." That kinda sucked. But there's not much opportunity to yell at a swimmer.

So I'll tell the story about the ass-chewing I caused someone else when I was ten. I was playing third base, a kid slid in safely to third after a hit from the outfield, but kids never remember to stay on the base after a slide, and I held the ball on his shoulder and the ump called him out when he got off the bag. The coach went absolutely apeshit and dropped more f-bombs than I'd ever heard in my life. At the kid, not the ump. Like, frothing at the mouth, still screaming as the next batter stepped up to the plate, veins popping, etc. I felt pretty bad, but not bad enough to not try the trick again later on, at which point the coach informed his player in equal volume to call timeout.

RichRodFollower

October 8th, 2009 at 10:27 PM ^

My favorite was during a freshman soccer game. My coach screamed at me "What color jersey you wearing?!" I stopped cold and pulled my jersey up to my eyes to see the color. I didn't play the rest of the game...

willywill9

October 8th, 2009 at 10:33 PM ^

This isn't mean but it's funny.

Our freshman year baseball team got smoked by the best team in the league earlier in the season. We played them again, and in the first inning we gott the first two outs.

Then, a ground ball was hit to me at short, I bobbled it, recovered and fired to first. I thought he was out, but of course the umpire called him safe. My coach stormed onto the field, yelling at the umpire... and then said to the umpire, "THANKS A LOT BLUE, YOU JUST COSTED US THE GAME!" (They hadn't even scored a run yet, and it was the top of the 1st inning!)

hackattack13

October 8th, 2009 at 10:48 PM ^

You know guys, you can be the worlds best bridge builder but if you suck one dick you will be known as a cocksucker the rest of your life....do you get what Im saying???

gametime20

October 8th, 2009 at 11:14 PM ^

I was called the cancer of my varsity basketball team which was just a part of the rip into session he gave me in front of the team. Needless to say he was fired after the season.

PSALM 23 Rod N…

October 8th, 2009 at 11:37 PM ^

"I'm wasting my time here, you just can't coach stupid people."
"if the quarterback says the cadence slower, you think maybe you assholes could get the
snap count right?" "Fuck it, you assholes, its always on 1, retards."

BlueGoM

October 8th, 2009 at 11:47 PM ^

I don't recall them saying anything especially mean, but I do recall getting hit in the back of the head with a football that an assistant coach threw at me after I jumped offsides in practice. I was wearing a helmet at the time, fortunately. I never was very good at remembering the snap count.

Tater

October 8th, 2009 at 11:52 PM ^

Both sports lend themselves to "paralysis by analysis" when a person thinks so hard about technique that they can't execute a shot anymore. There are two common coaching cures for this.

Bowling: "Just throw the fucking ball."
Golf: "Just hit the fucking thing."

I have been on both ends of both sentences.

tomhagan

October 9th, 2009 at 12:37 AM ^

When I was 8 my foul mouthed football coach took too footballs and slammed them both in to each side of my helmet at the same time so that my head was wedged between the 2 footballs....wham!!!

"What did you do that for?" I asked...

"Sorry...I thought you were Mullinax" said Coach B...referring to another kid on the team.

Md23Rewls

October 9th, 2009 at 12:44 AM ^

Junior year of high school, our first hockey game of the season. I had started a few games my first two years when the starter was hurt or suspended, but this was my first game as the actual starting goalie. We're playing this team that is expected to beat us 10-0, I play decently and after the 2nd we're down 4-0, comeback to make it 4-3, then I let up a soft one to kill the comeback. Overall not a great game, but I played pretty well.
After the game, coach spends the entire post game speech yelling at me over the last goal, and at one point began throwing tape at my pads screaming "Can you stop that?" Couple games later threatened to tie me up on the net Goldberg style and shoot pucks at my head. Dude had quite an anger problem. He's one of my favorite coaches ever because we always over achieved, but he said some scarring things to me after bad games.

mi_vandal

October 9th, 2009 at 1:13 AM ^

This is another in the backhanded compliment vein. In a summer league game, I'm playing well, hitting the boards hard. During a timeout, my coach looks at the rest of the team and tells them "Look, we got the skinniest, weakest guy on the team going out there working hard and getting rebounds. If the rest of you would try that hard we might actually be able to win this game!"

Thanks coach. Appreciate you noticing.