OT- Help the Blockhams by Sharing your Favorite/Best/Worst Sparty Stereotypes
Inferiority complex, poor memory (night by night, as well as anything that happened before 2008 that's not bball related), can't hold their liquor, unable to express feelings of discontent in any way other than throwing or breaking things, and finally little to no knowledge of the sports that they are a spectator to.
east landing has hotter girls.
people that totally were accepted into Michigan but chose to attend sparty.
Can't read, can't write
They all got into Michigan, but picked state instead
Can't read, can't write
They all got into Michigan, but picked state instead
at Sunoco station.
Hot and dumb > classy and cute
Tom was only trying to give Denard a neck readjustment.
Our practice jerseys are prison green.
There is always the Napoleon Complex and the apparent violent aversion to upholstered furniture, of course, but also what I would call a " provincial" knowledge of their conference (I.e., they tend to know little meaningful information about other teams) and an annoying ability to rationalize the aberrant behavior of players.
They will often do they most inconsequential things to spite Michigan on the chance that anyone in Ann Arbor actually cares, up to and apparently including offering scholarships to our walk-on long snappers.
No, wait. My bad. Wrong rival.
You must be the only one down there with a smile on his face. Good times.
Might have even been to E. Lansing. Out of the Frying pan....
If so it would be BiEL....which might get confusing with Jessica. But in any regard, we can all agree he's just a BIG FRAUD! South Bend my ass!
I took a poll, and the concensus was that I should keep the name.
Actually, I've heard that BISB is actually as good-looking a man as Jessica Biel is a woman. So he's got that going for him, which is nice.
Maybe this is BiSB-
(Is this safe enough for Mrs. Kass?)
Because you gave me a much more horrible mental image...
And yes, I knew, and agreed, that there shouldn't be a name change. Not if you haven't completely embarrassed yourself and are trying to get a new start. Or if it's just really not timely anymore, like if you went with "RichRodwillCoachatMichiganfor30Years" or something. (A lot of things seem like a good idea at the time).
I find the hairy arms more disturbing than the hairy face. Then again, my eyes seem to naturally focus south of the face and it recedes out of view. But those damnable upper arms....
I guess I was wrong.
I may have just discovered the bottom of my standards!
i assume you awoke to especially blue skies this morning.
In South Bend? There are no blue skies, only lighter shades of gray.
A guy went into an East Lansing store and told the clerk "I'd like a green outfit: I want a green jacket and green slacks. I want a green shirt and green tie. I want green shoes and socks."
The clerk asks "Are you a Michigan State graduate?", and the guy responds "Yes, I am. How did you know?"
The clerk said "Because this is a hardware store."
Creepy. Terrible grammar. Small vocabulary. Smell bad. Selective memory. Thugs. Violence prone. No self-respect. Fry cooks.
I chose to attend MSU because it is awesomer....
Dantonio is the classiest coach in the BIG....
Bro's go to MSU. The homepage of all MSU computers must be brobible.com.
MSU is the second best university or college in the state.
Michigan losing builds their psyche and outlook on life at least as much as MSU winning anything. "Ann Arbor is a Whore." The James Madison political science program is renowned worldwide (vs. reality of unknown outside East Lansing). Obsession with their mascot. The only reason Michigan has a better reputation is historical, bias of elites.
Really - it's the entire "We're just as good as Michigan, who cares about them" strain - evidencing obsession while trying to deny it. That lack of self-awareness permeates the rest.
would rather see Michigan lose a game to an opponent, even when a Michigan win would help State in pursuit of a Championship. "I just can't root for scUM..."
My ex in-laws are HUGE Sparty fans, grads, supporters. The whole family graduated there and are successful, good people. They have a friendly rivalry with a Michigan family...they go to the game every year together, bet on it, and there are a lot of pranks along the way.
Many years ago, there was one such prank that I still find hilarious. The night before the big game, the M grad built a simple chicken wire cage, spray painted 11 chickens green, and put them on my father-in-law's lawn. Now that's some funny shit, waking up to 11 green chickens on game day.
Super defensive; abhor any U-M success; think recruiting highly rated players doesn't matter to a program's success
They care more about Michigan losing than their team winning. They brag about how dominant they've been lately (best in their history) and still haven't won a bcs game. The overall series record doesn't matter because it was "100 years ago". They gave Michigan their wings. Have the best mascot in the worrrrld. Smoke green snort white. Concrete stadium with trash swirling on the field. Stanton for Heisman.
The ultra-successful "jumpsuit orange to Sparty green" program. The possibility of a satellite campus on Cooper Street in Jackson.
How is that real? I'm still laughing.
It's a Sparty with an excellent sense of humor. They do exist, at least by the laws of probability.
Blast non-alumni Michigan fans as "Walverine", "scUM", "Walmart Wolverine" and wonder why the Michigan population feels more welcome to give alliegence to UM over Sparty (37% to 31%).
I wonder if they did a national poll,
"Are you a fan of U of M, MSU, or neither?"
How would that go?
Their entire identity is based on comparing themselves to Michigan in every facet, which is pathetic.
My other pet peeve... comparing football programs isn't fair because MSU wasn't MSU until the 40's (or whenever), so anything before that (MAC years) doesn't count, and therefore MSU football is as good orbetter than Michigan football. Said another way, tradition doesn't really mean anything because we've beat Michigan the last 4 years in a row.
Of course the MSU aggies!!!! Students only from the farms of the "thumb" and western MI, fewer graduates than students.
Because my best memories of MSU fans are 1990, and 2001, which has told me that Spartans are proud to cheat and win.
On a side note, I don't know how embarrassed I should be that I recognized Bump's shirt in today's strip as based on a real shirt design. I think they used to sell it at Hot Topics or whatever the equivalent over at Briarwood is/was.
You know my feelings on Chalmers. I want him to be a sympathetic character, not an object of ridicule. There are plenty of Spartan fans who have always loved MSU and ate proud of their school, but Chalmers is from the subsection who grew up Michigan fans until they didn't get in. He is an apostate, with a bunker mentality. He should never ever surrender a single point on Michigan, and be more focused in denigrating M when he is around his family. The rest of the Blockhams should be super-kind to him and let him do all of yelling and acerbic comments. As you've written him so far he is nothing but a willing patsy for Michigan bullying. I hate this character as he has appeared so far. He is everything Michigan State fans are not, and his main effect is to make the Michigan fans in his family look like assholes.
to be nice to Bump, really I have. I just can't help myself. Actually I do like the phrase you suggested-- he is very much a "willing patsy."
I can promise you some closure, and perhaps a little change, next week. After the heckles die down, of course.
I think you do a fine job of being playful enough in your teasing of Bump ... the fact that the family is actually going to don the green & white, plus the teaser logo you created, show more than the expected level of respect for our in-state neighbors. I think you're striking the perfect balance between telling a narrative that fans of both schools can relate to & enjoy but also keeping the proper Michigan spin on it :)
Here's my 2 cents on Bump: first, his job. If he actually finished his MSU degree and isn't a habitual substance abuser, he would probably have a better job than pizza delivery under normal conditions. MSU trains most of the state's teachers as it is. I would make him a low-performing substitute teacher who was laid off due to budget cuts a few years ago and is only delivering pizza in Ann Arbor (a recession-proof job if one ever existed) until things pick up some. Second, I would agree that he should take more digs at UM. The point of the series seems to be to poke fun at both UM and MSU and as such the token Sparty should be able to give (almost) as good as he gets.
Bump is currently trying his best to make it despite being in a family full of assholes who hate him. He's the only character with faults and insecurities, which makes him the most human and sympathetic character. He seems like the only one capable of interests outside of sports--the comic books and Magic cards make him a veritable Renaissance man compared to the rest of his petty, one-track family. Plus, he's the most visually interesting, and he really stands out as a shock of green and ginger against a sea of maize and blue.
Intended or not, Bump is becoming the tragic hero of The Blockhams.
I kind of cosign this. The Blockhams mostly seem like insufferable assholes.
Marsha, Marsha, Marsha
That the staters are at state because they didn't get into Michigan. Their "allegiance" to MSU is really just built up anger against Michigan. No one grows up saying I want to settle, 2nd place is good enough for me.
I also like to believe that dantonio recruits from the state pen.
Running out of content already? Uh oh . . .
Sparty feels like they more truly represent the state of Michigan. They view Michigan's diverse student body & national draw as a departure from "Pure Michigan." They interpret their own limited, local, academically less-ambitious roots as more "loyal" & "deserving." This is, of course, where they get "Wal-Mart Wolverine" from - the product of a thinly-veiled streak of jealousy infused with underdog pride & alliteration (truly, the upper limit of Sparty creativity). That's all there is to say about that.
The quintessential Sparty brah stereotype:
-- Got rejected from Michigan. Got into MSU.....and flunked out after three semesters. Graduated from Ferris instead. Still had time to participate in two couch burnings.
-- Considers himself an alum because of those three semesters. Insists State fans are better because they're all alums, not "Wal-Mart Wolverines" who didn't go to the school. Does not see the contradiction in the claim that most couch-burnings, riots, and graffiti damage in Ann Arbor (which is a whore, by the way) come from troublemakers "outside the community."
-- Has only two pieces of Sparty memorabilia on his '97 Grand Am: bumper stickers that say "U Call It Maize We Call It Corn" and "Have You Kicked A Wolverine Today?"
-- Favorite teams are "whoever is playing Meatchicken" and "Michigan State" in that order. Roots against Michigan even if MSU needs Michigan to win. Fall Saturdays are ruined when Michigan wins and State loses, tainted when Michigan wins and State wins, goes to the bar in a great mood when Michigan loses regardless of the fact that MSU just lost to Northwestern.
-- Knows exactly when MSU beats Michigan in hockey and makes sure you do, too. Didn't even know they were playing if Michigan won. Anyway let them have their hockey - Dantonio will let 'em know who's a real man in the fall.
-- Reminds you about Izzo when Michigan beats them in football. Reminds you about Dantonio when Michigan beats them in basketball. Reminds you about Wal-Mart Wolverines when Michigan wins in both. If he doesn't suddenly have the flu that day.
I like that they all brag about how their study abroad program is one of the best in the nation. Of course it is; once people get to East Lansing they immediately start trying to leave.
Also their insistence that everyone who roots for State went to State, whereas everyone who roots for Michigan MUST be a "Wal-verine". Last I checked, they sold MSU apparel at Wal-Mart too.
Finally: I went to high school with a girl who went to MSU. Totally die-hard, called UM ScUM, the whole deal. Then she decides she wants to be an architect. Where'd she transfer? Damn straight.
the Walmart Wolverine schtick. I have been a Wolverines fan my whole life...since before I can remember (Thanks Dad!). To tell me that since I chose to serve in the military after HS, (still in) that I can't be a fan...that is just ridiculous. It is so transparent that the reason for this is that they are so hard pressed to find Sparty fans outside of the their student/alumni/employee base. It infuriates them that U of M has international recognition and a large fanbase beyond alumni. I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but sometimes it does. Either way, Walmart down here in GA doesn't sell Michigan merchandise.
you see Big Ten flags hanging from apartments all over the place. Two years ago after they had beaten us, there was an MSU flag hanging with the "S" backwards. It helped ease the pain a tiny bit.
Its actually kind of a cool thing, but I love it that every time I discuss academics with a Sparty they like to bring up the fact that it has the #1 hospitality/hotel management program in the country. That statement never fails to make me laugh even though its a fine profession. It's just funny to me.
As a Hospitality Management professional (though one without a degree in such, since I went to Michigan)....Cornell is #1.
But MSU does have a good program.
#1 School of Packaging.
Are you saying that hotel & retaurant management is a bullshit major?
I'm saying if you can't brag about your School of Engineering, spin part of it off as your School of Packaging and brag about that. There can't be 3 of those in the whole country.
I have vacationed in northern Michigan via western Michigan for many years, so this may refer to years less recent, but I can't believe how those areas blossom into green if ever there is hope of some success coming in the fall. Very annoying how everything that could be green becomes green- and such a gaudy, awful green- only to fade away in subsequent years.
Most of my friends are MSU fans or grads, they're all nerds not bros, but one thing that really does strike me and has been touched on is that their allegiance and fandom for MSU is built more on a hatred for Michigan than a true love for Michigan State. They really do pay as much or more attention to Michigan than MSU.