Alright. My IM inner-tube water polo team is thru to the semis. I play goalie and every time I reject some fool's shot (which is 100% of the time) I say a one-liner of trash talk just to get in their heads and lift the spirits of my teammates. You know, stuff like "THIS IS A BRICK WALL" and "WHY WOULD YOU TAKE THAT SHOT" and random stupid stuff. After two playoff games and enough shots on goal, I'm starting to reuse some lines and they're losing effectiveness. So MGoNerds, come up with some good lines for this MGoAthlete so that I can psychologically break down the other team. I smell an MVP trophy coming my way.
OT: Best Trash Talk Lines
"Man, get that weak shit outta here!"
Weak shit = weaksauce. I've always enjoyed the weaksauce more than weak shit.
I could have been your Dad if I'd beaten that bulldog across the street
you can give the Mutumbo finger wag
Now get out mah face, for i run yo ass over with my motacycle.
That one always works wonders for me.
Whenever I play IM, I scream "INTIMIDAAATIONNNNNN!" a lot. If you say it enough, it makes it true.
"You'll have better luck trying to score with your sister"
*"I had better luck scoring with your sister."
This is exactly what i was looking for. Now i'm ashamed that i couldn't come up with it.
In the words of Demar Dorsey
"no fly zone!"
is I'd score on you every time. Nobody shuts me down in innertube Water Polo
You're a load that should have been swallowed.
your mom's a terrible cook
have any children?
have any children with an IQ over 1?
know you're out tonight?
bath you before you came here?
say you could do dat?
pack your trunks?
give you lessons?
blow your tube?
let you score?
Tonight's Top Ten - Did Your Mama
I hear your mom's going out with......SQUEAK
Edit: Much better if used during the shot
when my brother an i play IM we just scream/yell. mix it up with some low gutturals and then add in something different like a banshee shriek. it scares the shit out of people especially when they aren't expecting it.
If somebody isn't watching their elbows in beer pong swat it away and say "NO EASY BUCKETS!"
I play goalie in ice hockey and I like to call the other team hosers but most of the time I won't say anything. I like to let my game speak for itself then when they get pissed or slam their stick against the ice you just smile and laugh at them. Seems to work for me.
Hoser or Cake Eater never fails.
Right before he shoots yell "Steve Perry!"
Bring your ipod and some speakers, play temptation, then have your teammates do the goalie-sieve chant they do at hockey games!
"BONESAW IS READY!"
"HEY FREAKSHOW, YOU'RE GOIN' NOWHERE!"
I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner, and never call her again.
"Don't bring that cool aid to a gin party"
Your mother is a whore and your father smells of elderberries!
Non Hazardous Solid Waste is usually land filled or incinerated.
"All sissies goin' to hell!"
Just don't pull on the goal or jump in your tube! What team do you play on? I manage a team as well as coordinate the sport, haha.
strangely enough, i don't know our team name. I played for the first time the last game of the regular season, and now i'm starting goalie.
can you coordinate us some favored calls?
man I hope your girl didn't just see that
If I were you I would just get outta the pool
This is slightly unrelated, but I remember a story about John Randle, the old Vikings defensive lineman.
Mike Wahle, an offensive lineman for the Packers at the time, was playing against Randle. As they were lining up for one play, Randle just started chanting, "BEA-GLE. BEA-GLE. BEA-GLE."
Apparently Wahle was nicknamed "Beagle" in high school, but the nickname wore off and nobody used it anymore. Wahle had no idea how Randle knew that his nickname used to be Beagle.
I was reading an article on Randle after he got inducted into the HOF. Apparently he would read the other team's media guide or do research on the players he was going up against in order to trash talk them.
I've heard my share of smack, but never a lot in inner tube water polo. Best line I heard in inner tube water polo was in a sorority final: "Good thing you're wearing waterproof make-up bitch, 'cause I'll make you cry"
Broomball was the best though... "Go put your moonboots on, get on the short bus, and get the fuck off my ice."
The best part of you must have ran down your daddy's leg
Your mother could have done us all a favor and swallowed!
and I didn't invite you in.
It was after an LSSU player had rifled a shot into the stands and smacked a little girl in the face. The game was paused, the medics were attending, and the place was as quiet as I've ever heard it. Then someone roars out:
"Hey! Number XX! I hope you have better aim with your girlfriend!"
Place went crazy.
This is the most hilarious trash talking article I've read. Two highlights:
"He drew Cowher’s ire for calling him the Tick, a superhero with a super-size chin."
"Scott went so hard after Ryan Fitzpatrick last season when he quarterbacked the Bengals that Scott said Houshmandzadeh and Chad Ochocinco pleaded with him to stop."
...Fuck you with an AIDS dick!
I like to use lines from tombstone:
"I swear, it's like I'm playin' cards with my brother's kids or somethin'"
"You're no daisy! You're no daisy at all."
"Maybe _______ just isn't your game. I know: let's have a spelling contest."
When a guy runs at you full speed when you are elevating to take a shot is just the classic one liner, "Dick in Yo Mouth!"
This would shut down games in college.
works as well.
"get over here"
"whats the matta Dylan, the CIA got you pushing too many pencils?"
"Thank you Mario, but the princess is in another castle!"
"You're an inspiration for birth control."
"Thanks for playing Space Quest IV. As usual, you've been a real pantload!"
"all your base belong to us"
"YOU'RE GONNA DIE ALONE!"
I can't really imagine delivering any line whilst floating in an inner tube.
"Get em a body bag, Yeeeeaaahhhh!!"
There is no greater insult in the annals of 6th grade insults.
"I graduated from The University of Michigan."
Zip your face!
Gets 'em every time
All mine are too long.
"Maybe you'd have a better chance at scoring if you put your balls in someone else's face."
Use a Shawn Hunwick reference?
My all time favorite trash talking story:
1997 NBA Finals - Game 1
Sunday, June 1, at the United Center
Despite having a toe injury earlier, Scottie Pippen helped the Bulls to a 84-82 win over Utah on Sunday night. Pippen scored 27 points while Jordan scored 31. The Bulls trailed 79-78 in the fourth quarter, yet were able to come back after Pippen blocked Antoine Carr's jump shot and after an assist from Ron Harper when Pippen would make his third 3-pointer of the night. With the game tied, and only seconds remaining, Karl Malone was fouled and had a chance to give the Jazz the lead. Scottie Pippen famously psyched him out by telling him "Just remember, the mailman doesn't deliver on Sundays, Karl," while Malone was at the free throw line. He missed both free throws and the Bulls rebounded and quickly called a time-out. With the game on the line, Chicago put the ball into the hands of Michael Jordan. M.J. dribbled out most of the waning seconds and then launched a 20 footer that swished in at the buzzer, as the Chicago Bulls took the first game of the 1997 NBA Finals.