OT: Advice for young couples (actually, mostly for guy fans)

You have to put in work throughout the OT season and during the week of games.

I love spending time with my girlfriend anyways but just not during games because after 2 years, I know she isn't big into sports. So why make her watch or enjoy something she won't enjoy?

We both have our outlets that don't involve us spending every moment together. Mine just happen to take place on Saturdays in the fall anywhere from 10am-8pm.

I am also a big sports fan, but I also like doing sports and not just watching them.  I'd LOVE to be able to watch football all day Saturday and all day Sunday, but I realized a few years ago that if I want to be a responsible husband, father and home owner, I can't spend all weekend doing those things.  

My advice: Pick the one day that you can't live without, be it college football or NFL football and go with that and then realize that you have a life to tend to.  Relationships are like car engines, they run when you maintain them properly.  He can't put all his efforts into one part of that engine and ignore the others.  People have lots of relationships, some with sports, some with other people (spouses, parents, siblings, etc).  You can't spend your whole life maintaining only select relationships.  

Even die hard sports fans need to grow up.  Mow your grass, trim the hedges, rake the leaves...spend time with your wife.  

/end rant

My first marriage ended because I spent more time at work than with her.  I felt that it was a better venture to make a ton of money and that she would eventually be happy spending it.  She did not agree.  I imagine she would have been happy for me to be home, stuck to the TV, watching sports.  At least I would have been home.  In the end, I learned a valuable lesson and with my current wife, I balance the time.  It also helps that she's very nice.

All addictions can be cured. Marriage is about compromise. If he's not willing to cut back on his addiction and limit it to certain days or certain sports, he needs to seek professional help

One of the most important things my wife and I did was live together for about 16 months before we got married. It wasn't a surprise when sports were on the TV most evenings. She's as big a Michigan fan as I am, so those games are a given. She's from metro detroit though, so the Blackhawks and Bulls games are a little tougher for her to stomach.

Seriously, live together before you get married. All those quirks/habits/etc will come to the forefront and you can figure out if you two work together before taking the plunge. You'll have to discuss money, daily routines, etc.

I made it very clear well before I married my wife

That one of my passions was sports, mainly football and all things Michigan (I'm a Michigan a football season ticket holder), and that weekends in the fall/early winter were very busy for me. At that time, my strategy was to get her as into it as I am. It was an expensive strategy. And she kinda got it. She's a refugee immigrant and knows about die hard futbol fandom.

However, despite being very clear about my falls/early winters, she wasn't having it. I had to compromise - I gave up my Sunday's. I now rarely watch NFL. I even quit my fantasy football league. All this if she gave me all day on Saturdays to do as I choose with regards to college football watching.

It's working...so far. I'll report back when she changes her mind.

In our house I'm actually the more obsessed sports fan.   My husband is a big Michigan fan but we're not nearly on the same level.  Fortunately, he understands and is supportive of my need to check mgoblog constantly and have maize and blue everywhere (no, I am not WD's sister).  I'm lucky that he gets it but I can't imagine what it would be like to be married to someone who didn't or wasn't a serious fan, too.   

SRK, I'm really sorry to hear about your daughter's marriage.  That's got to be incredibly hard on you and MSRK.  My sister's marriage is in trouble and I know how much it pains my parents to see it and be unable to help.   I hope all ends well for your daughter.  

 

But if my wife really wants me to turn off a game, she has her ways.

If the husband continues to ignore his mostly naked wife who is also dressed as a cheerleader, then she should probably kill him (I'm Catholic, so that's pretty much the only option).

Blah blah blah. He wasn't doing this before they got married? Your daughter expected things to drastically change after marriage? Ridiculous.
Way too many people rush into marriage now a days. I love sports, I love Michigan, but neither will cause me to short change my wife or her happiness. Tell the guy to get his head out of his ass or your daughter to find someone worthwhile.

I have always been a sports junkie, but there comes a time in life that if you want to be a good partner/husband/dad, you have to balance your outside interests with your obligations to your family which, in my case, was further stretched by a very active and time consuming legal career.

What I did was to channel my love of sports into doing things with my kids that were sports related like going to their games when they were little  and being a coach, and as they got older, revising my schedule to the extent possible so I could attend high school games.  They both attended Michigan and that event, although living out of state, rekindled my love of Michigan football. My wife and I attended almost all Michigan home games for many years and continue to do so.  DVR's present an opportunity to time shift that allows you to still see much of the games that you can't see live.

Relationships are about sharing and if one is totally consumed by something that your significant other is not, good luck. I wouldn't bet on the relationship surviving.

...My wife and I are both U of M grads and love sports so that has worked well. However, I have trouble toning down my deep hatred for MSU and their fans and my wife says that I need to because our kids may end up with that as a school option (for academic or even sports reasons). 

I don't want my wife or my kids to resent me becuase of my deep hatred for MSU and their douche bag fan base. 

Also her cousin works for the MSU football team and I have had to avoid family gatherings for the past few years for fear of what I might do the next time he opens his pie hole.

What do you say, Dr. Laura?  Do I have aproblem?  Should I seek professional help?  Have a lobotomy?  Is Jim Harbaugh my medicine?

...you've got to put your friends and family above sports if you value those relationships.  Sports are a fun escape, but the people you love are the most important parts of your life by a large margin.  You aren't going to be on your deathbed wishing you'd seen the Youngstown State game in real time instead of on the DVR.

It's the only way it works.

I'm newly married and I'm having this problem with golf.  The wife doesn't understand how big a part of my life golf really is.  It's the only thing I was good at when I was a kid, it's a release for me.

Being the first one at the course on Saturday morning with dew on the ground, the sun coming up through the trees, a light fog, it's like seeing a therapist for me.

My favorite time of the year to play is late fall, I have no problem playing when it's 40 degrees outside because I get the course to myself.

She's initially fighting against it, I've explained to her if she tries to take golf away from me it's going to result in me slowly resenting her more and more for it.

There needs to be a compromise, I can't spend every free minute I have golfing, and she can't expect me to stop playing.

I'm really sorry about your daughter

 

That advice works for a lot of things in relationships, I think. Both sides have to decide if they can live with their partner's eccentricities, you can't assume that they will change. So, you have to be upfront with your partner on what's important to you so they can make an informed decision.

I feel like I lucked out. My girlfriend loves to cuddle up and watch football, pro or college. She's an IU fan, but because she likes when I get excited about my team, she cheers for Michigan too (as long as they're not playing IU). 

Say you've got a friend who calls you up and wants to hang out. Every time, you say "nope, I'm watching a game." Not much of a friendship. Not much of a marriage.

Being addicted to something is obvioulsy selfish in a relationship but when you have kids it's really sad. I see many relationships like your daughters and you just want to smack these parents - life goes by so quickly and your kids need your attention. They listen and pay attention to everything (even though teens don't act like it) and it has a profound impact on the adult they become.

What's even worse are the moms and dads who can't get off their freaking iPhone ignoring their kids.

Best wishes to your daughter. I hope your son in law listens to your advice and grows up.