OSU Waterboy Ernie Patterson to enter NFL Draft

Submitted by Unfiltered Manball on

Patterson, a redshirt junior from Willowick Ohio, will forgo his senior season on the sidelines in Columbus to test the waters of the NFL Draft.

Known for his uncanny ability to maintain Gatorade squirt-bottles at a refreshing 33 degrees and always landing clean, precise, streams through the facemask- will make Patterson difficult for the Buckeyes to replace.

"Everyone else was making the decision to jump to the League," Patterson stated. "I knew I had the skills, so after discussing this with both Coach Meyer and my cat - Mr. Pickles- I realized now was the best time for me to take my talents to the next level."

"I'm ready for this next challenge.  Gameday cooler-duty has prepared me for anything."

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carolina blue

January 5th, 2016 at 8:47 PM ^

He unfortunately only had experience with red Gatorade. He will need to prove his capability to execute to green, yellow, orange, and blue gatorades. Based on his limited color experience I predict a late 3rd round pick.



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M-Dog

January 6th, 2016 at 9:08 AM ^

Meh.  

Ohio State Waterboys never make it in the League.  They are purely system guys, they can't handle anything other than red Gatorade squirted through a grey facemask.  It's one read and go.

And don't even get me started on the steroids.  They look like beasts on the OSU sidelines, but when they get to the NFL they don't look so amazing without the help of steroids.  By the 4th quarter they wilt . . . they're missing badly and getting Gatorade all over the players' faces.

Nobody will ever forget when Ohio State waterboy John "Cooper" Copen had his Brian-Bosworth-getting-trucked-by-Bo-Jackson moment on National TV when he got the shakes during the Two Minute Warning time out and squirted Tom Brady right in the eye.

 

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SBo

January 5th, 2016 at 8:48 PM ^

Cue "gobucks1" with the "Well, we knew this was coming. Urbz is a reload guy. We have an assload of water boy talent coming. The same thing happened with Mike Padoriwitz in 2014. I think it turned out fine :)"

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Winchester Wolverine

January 5th, 2016 at 8:58 PM ^

There's talk about Stanford's elite redshirt junior waterboy Mike Hunt transfering. Harbaugh in connection. Possible academic issues but would be a perfect addition to our team this upcoming season.

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FauxMo

January 5th, 2016 at 9:00 PM ^

Well, since we are on the Waterboy topic...

 

Did anyone else watch the Broncos-Chargers game this weekend? Towards the end, Dan Fouts, who was calling the game, actually said: "It's the last game of the year. Can't hold anything back now!" Whoever was doing it with him broke out laughing and said, "We need to get Musberger in here!" I was dying laughing...

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cezical

January 5th, 2016 at 9:20 PM ^

This guy seems to have all of the physical attributes to impress scouts but his lack of versatility and trust of cats will kill him in the league. If anybody picks him in the top 3 rounds they will be disappointed.

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