OSU Waterboy Ernie Patterson to enter NFL Draft
Patterson, a redshirt junior from Willowick Ohio, will forgo his senior season on the sidelines in Columbus to test the waters of the NFL Draft.
Known for his uncanny ability to maintain Gatorade squirt-bottles at a refreshing 33 degrees and always landing clean, precise, streams through the facemask- will make Patterson difficult for the Buckeyes to replace.
"Everyone else was making the decision to jump to the League," Patterson stated. "I knew I had the skills, so after discussing this with both Coach Meyer and my cat - Mr. Pickles- I realized now was the best time for me to take my talents to the next level."
"I'm ready for this next challenge. Gameday cooler-duty has prepared me for anything."
January 5th, 2016 at 8:47 PM ^
I vote for this one to stay. Expecting the "IBD" people to weigh in shortly...
January 5th, 2016 at 9:02 PM ^
January 5th, 2016 at 8:47 PM ^
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January 5th, 2016 at 8:52 PM ^
All you need is some high quality H2O!
January 6th, 2016 at 7:25 AM ^
He's working on it. He interened with the Cavaliers last spring and worked on his oranges and yellows. He received high praise from Kyrie Irving, but LeBron was unusually silent. There is rumours of him getting a bit too close with LeBron's wife.
January 6th, 2016 at 9:08 AM ^
Meh.
Ohio State Waterboys never make it in the League. They are purely system guys, they can't handle anything other than red Gatorade squirted through a grey facemask. It's one read and go.
And don't even get me started on the steroids. They look like beasts on the OSU sidelines, but when they get to the NFL they don't look so amazing without the help of steroids. By the 4th quarter they wilt . . . they're missing badly and getting Gatorade all over the players' faces.
Nobody will ever forget when Ohio State waterboy John "Cooper" Copen had his Brian-Bosworth-getting-trucked-by-Bo-Jackson moment on National TV when he got the shakes during the Two Minute Warning time out and squirted Tom Brady right in the eye.
January 5th, 2016 at 8:48 PM ^
January 5th, 2016 at 8:52 PM ^
no doubt there are tons of people only qualified to squirt water.
January 5th, 2016 at 9:04 PM ^
*Padoriweicz
January 5th, 2016 at 9:36 PM ^
famous last words of a priest
January 5th, 2016 at 9:40 PM ^
January 5th, 2016 at 8:49 PM ^
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January 5th, 2016 at 8:49 PM ^
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January 5th, 2016 at 9:40 PM ^
Boucher.
January 5th, 2016 at 11:21 PM ^
for correct spelling.
January 5th, 2016 at 8:50 PM ^
good riddance.
January 5th, 2016 at 8:51 PM ^
January 5th, 2016 at 8:54 PM ^
But I hear they are recruiting some 5 star kid to take his place...
January 6th, 2016 at 9:13 AM ^
Oh come on, It's Fickell's kid.
Like he was ever going to go anywhere else.
He's just taking OV's to USC and UCLA so he can hang out in Hollywood.
January 5th, 2016 at 8:52 PM ^
January 5th, 2016 at 8:56 PM ^
January 5th, 2016 at 8:58 PM ^
January 5th, 2016 at 8:59 PM ^
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January 5th, 2016 at 9:28 PM ^
Hunt would have to sit out a year. They need to go the grad transfer route.
January 5th, 2016 at 11:30 PM ^
Does tOSU have a graduate school?
January 6th, 2016 at 10:53 AM ^
Unlike my undergrad, I had to color the pictures without the numbers.
January 6th, 2016 at 9:15 AM ^
He's got a non-committable offer out to Harry Bush as a backup plan.
January 6th, 2016 at 1:17 PM ^
The postion at Stanford is called "hydration specialist"
January 5th, 2016 at 8:58 PM ^
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January 5th, 2016 at 9:00 PM ^
January 5th, 2016 at 11:31 PM ^
Cbus is heavy on the fluoride.
January 5th, 2016 at 9:01 PM ^
Gaaaatoooorrradddeeeee
January 5th, 2016 at 9:00 PM ^
Well, since we are on the Waterboy topic...
Did anyone else watch the Broncos-Chargers game this weekend? Towards the end, Dan Fouts, who was calling the game, actually said: "It's the last game of the year. Can't hold anything back now!" Whoever was doing it with him broke out laughing and said, "We need to get Musberger in here!" I was dying laughing...
January 5th, 2016 at 11:25 PM ^
i missed that, and that would have been the hightlight of that craptastic game.
January 5th, 2016 at 9:03 PM ^
It must mean that Urban is really hard on his student managers and support staff. Very telling.
January 5th, 2016 at 9:10 PM ^
January 5th, 2016 at 9:26 PM ^
January 5th, 2016 at 9:04 PM ^
I just don't see it. Patterson is too short to squirt on Sundays.
January 5th, 2016 at 9:05 PM ^
Mr. Pickles - postercat of Tats for Cats Scandal
January 5th, 2016 at 10:52 PM ^
He has a rats face.
January 6th, 2016 at 10:24 AM ^
Aw, the po little bugga, I'd know him anywhere!
January 5th, 2016 at 9:11 PM ^
... on this LinkedIn page, which is one of the first hits on the web for Ernie Patterson:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/ernie-patterson-2786462
Seems legit.
January 5th, 2016 at 9:14 PM ^
We might not have crapped the season opener away in the San Diego heat if we had Patterson on the sidelines. Damn that 6-2 finish to the season.
January 5th, 2016 at 9:16 PM ^
Someone (preferably a student their age) get over there now!
Need help setting up Xbox one in dorm with @bigfox73 #help
— Mason Cole (@MasonCole52) January 6, 2016
January 5th, 2016 at 9:17 PM ^
January 5th, 2016 at 9:18 PM ^
"test the waters" lmao
January 5th, 2016 at 9:20 PM ^
January 5th, 2016 at 9:21 PM ^