Ohio joke week

How do you get an ohio state grad off your porch?

You pay him for the pizza

If a Buckeye and his wife get a divorce, are they still considered brother and sister?

Why do OSU grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards? 

What did the Ohio State student get on his SAT?

Drool.

Ok here is my joke:

Ohio is a state.

What do OSU and Michigan students have in common? They both got accepted to OSU.

Why wasn't Jesus born in Columbus?

They couldn't find any wise men or virgins.

A Michigan fan and an Ohio fan are both using urinals.  After he finishes, the Michigan fan walks out of the bathroom, while the Ohio fan quickly washes his hands then catches-up with the Michigan fan.

"At Ohio State," says the fuckeye, "we're taught to wash our hands after we pee."

"At Michigan," says the Victor, "we don't piss on our hands."

How do you keep the buckeye's out of the end zone?

Put a classroom back there.

T. Pryor walks into a car dealership.  No Joke here it just cost them a #1 ranking in the BCS this week.

What do you call a good looking girl on the Ohio University campus?
 


 

A visitor 



 

Wow! All of these are either terrible or older than sparty's last (real) national championship. Let me see if I can throw something together...

Jim Tressel and Urban Meyer are side by side in bathroom stalls.

Meyer: "Hey, you got any TP over there?"

Tressel: "Go fuck yourself"

Bauserman was an adequate quarterback and TresselBall was an exciting brand of football.

Here's a good one: Buckeyes will win next week.

O$U O$U O$U O$U O$U

Earle Bruce

John Cooper

Q-How many 'ohio' undergrads does it take to change a tire?

A-Just one---but he gets 3 credit hours for it.

My two favorite teams; MEEEECHIGAN---And whoever is playing 'ohio'

Jimmy Tressel-Colts Replay Consultant 9/2/2011 - 2/2/2012

...but it's good one anyways:

A U of M fan, an ND fan and an OSU fan were walking on the beach when they found a lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie who offered them one wish each. The ND fan went first and said, "I wish I was back in the best city in the world, South Bend, so that I can finally be back with my own kind." Poof! All of the sudden, the ND fan was gone. Then the OSU fan said, "I wish that there was a wall around my wonderful state that kept outsiders out so Ohioans can live in peace." Poof! And just like that, there was 50ft high and 10ft thick wall around Ohio that was completely impenetrable. Lastly, it was the Michigan fan's turn. He turned to the genie and simply said, "Now fill it up with water."

How do you circumcise a Buckeye?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

(dang)

How do you make ohio state cookies?

You put them in a big bowl and beat them for 3 hours.

Did you hear about the Ohio State library. It burned to the ground, all 5 books were destroyed and the football team is really upset about the fire. They hadnt colored in 2 of the books yet.

A Ohio State football player was thrown from his horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.

Not a joke but a true story about a joke.  I live in the Cleveland area and last week I'm at Giant Eagle buying groceries wearing my MIchigan gear when the fucking cashier starts telling me virtually everyone of the above jokes with the punchlines reversed because obviously.  It took every ounce of self-control to smile, nod and say "hey...good one" as he reeled off one old joke after another.  

The only one I stopped him on was the "what do students at both Michigan and OSU have in common?" joke.  After that hilarity I suggested he may wish to go and look at the relative admission standards and average SAT scores of incoming Freshmen.  He then stared blankly back at me as I'm pretty sure he had no idea what an "SAT" was anyways.

Only here in Ohio......

"Hey Buckeye, enjoy your bowl game......hahahahahhahahahaha"

Q: How many Buckeye football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb, and how long?

A: One and only a couple of minutes, but he can expect an envelope with $500 waiting for him after he accomplishes the task.

Q: How did Jim Tressel react when told this joke?

A: This is the first I've heard of it.

Q: WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A STUDENT AT THE UNIVERISTY OF MICHIGAN AND ANOTHER STUDENT AT THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY?

A: THE STUDENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN, BESIDES BEING IN THE PROCESS OF RECEIVING A SUPERIOR EDUCATION ACCORDING TO VARIOUS SOURCES RESPONSIBLE FOR DEVISING RANKINGS FOR AMERICAN UNIVERSITIES, HAS NEVER HAD SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH A BLOOD RELATIVE. THIS PUNCHLINE, OF COURSE, IMPLIES THAT AN OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY STUDENT CHOSEN AT RANDOM HAS A HIGH LIKELIHOOD OF BEING INCESTUOUS.

Leroy had been going to The Ohio State University for 11 years and just couldn't graduate.
One day, the dean of students calls Leroy in to his office and says, "Leroy, we're going to give you the opportunity to graduate.  
In a month, at halftime of the homecoming football game, we are going to bring you out on the field and ask you one question.  If you get it right, you get your degree. If you get it wrong, you have to go home without it and not come back."
Leroy agreed to this and ran off to start studying.  He studied night and day for a month.  Finally the day came.  It was a special day with homecoming and Leroy 's shindig. 
The whole stadium was packed with students and alumni, all waiting to see how Leroy would do.
The dean stepped up and said, "Leroy, are you ready for your question?" Leroy said he was.
The dean said, "Leroy, what is 3 times 3?"
Leroy thought about it for about ten minutes and then finally stepped up to the microphone and said, "9?"
Before the dean could respond, thousands of Ohio State students and alumni jumped up and yelled,  "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!!" 

Ohio is a classy program that rewards players of good character who have high moral standing....