I can’t wait for next Saturday. But beyond the obvious excitement associated with Michigan vs Bama, here are some other questions that I have about the upcoming college football season. I would be interested to hear what you’re curious about as well beyond Michigan football.
1. How will Arizona fare under Rich Rod? I like the guy, and he seems to be a better fit at AZ than he was here. I would love for the tide to turn in that conference. I’m tired of USC and Oregon. (bonus question: does Chip Kelly have the smallest ears in the world? How does he fit a visor over his ears?)
2. How will MSU do against Boise State? What should I make of the fact that one part of my brain wants them to crush Boise, and the other part thinks of MSU as a shit stain and wants them to get crushed?
3. What sort of season will Notre Dame have? There is a dad on my son’s football team who wears ND shorts to every practice. He’s a dick. Does anyone else notice this phenomenon: that Notre Dame becomes personified in everyone who ever went there, and usually they’re dicks who have inflated senses of their own magnificence? I would love for them to lose to Navy in Ireland.
4. Who gives a shit about Oklahoma? It’s like eating oatmeal.
5. When will Alabama’s bubble burst? I can’t help but listen to Finebaum on Sirius, and I hate the morons who affiliate themselves with that show and with Alabama more than anything. I want them to go down so bad it hurts.
6. Can South Carolina really be good? I’ll believe it when I see it.
7. When will Mark Richt get caught for cruising at highway rest stops?
8. How good will Auburn’s offense be with Scott Loeffler as their new OC?
9. How will John L. Smith behave during press conferences after Our Kansas loses? Will he bit his own thumb? Will he do his best Curly impersonation? Will he punch himself in the dong?
10. If MSU has a good season, will anyone try to hire Mark Dantonio? How about the king of all douchebags, Pat Narduzzi?
Extra: Predictions for the MSU vs Boise State game?