Pull the rest of his hair out.
Mattison says he will watch film on our defense. This will cause him to do what?
Using an indutrial strength winch, like the kind they use in the jungles to pull out wayward jeeps
A week ago this guy was breaking down film of Ray Lewis, Ed Reed, Suggs, etc.
Now he's breaking down DOOM.
I could not possibly be more excited about the future of Michigan football.
I could not possibly be more excited about the future of Michigan football.
I could. We could have RR's offense returning some upperclassmen for a change, returning defensive starters, and a new defensive staff... What's that? RR was fired? Oh... fuck.
Our defense last year was so bad that Mattison will immediately sprout a new, full head of hair only for the purpose of tearing it out.
Then he will be completely bald.
all he has to do is watch the bowl game fiasco, cry for an hour and then light the rest on fire.
It brings on many changes.
And I can take or leave it as I please.
Hug a stuffed animal
a stuffed beaver
orbitz.com to see what the soonest flight out of town is.
Flight tracker? eh?
Opposite of suicide. He'll realize he has the opportunity to be Jesus.
Wait, I thought Jesus did commit suicide.
touch himself because our helmets have wings
Wish he never told Hoke he would come.
We signed him right? He can't go back to the Ravens.
Track down GERG. Bitchslap the hair right off his head. Take the hair and have a build-a-bear turn it in to a stuffed beaver. Behead the newly stuffed beaver. Leave the head in GERG's bed.
This is exactly what he would do. Or at least what I'd want him to do.
I had to log on just to thank you for that comment....too funny.
That is frightenly specific.
Yeah, obviously. I think the OP meant, what would he do after that.
We have a winnah!
I don't tawk like dat.
I'm very impressed with that guy's skills, but I get so happy watching his friend!
His friend is freaking me out a little bit.
I think he might call GERG up and offer him a position coach job just so Michigan can fire him again.
That is really cruel. Appropriate, but really cruel.
At some point, with the obvious ineptitude and the stuffed animals, you almost have to feel sorry for Gerg.
Granted, I'm not at that point yet and would gladly hire him so he could get fired again.
you've already started taking classes at Ross. humiliation of your subordinates is the first key step we learned in MO 501.
I'm a Marine, it's real-life experience. You haven't experienced humilitation until a 45 year-old man "orders" 1000 people to shut their "cock holsters" on...family day.
By watching what the players did last year, Mattison will have a better idea what he needs to change from what the guys were taught these past couple of years.
When you can see what they have been taught, it is easier to make the changes needed.
I didn't realize they were taught anything...which is probably a good thing, at least he won't have to unteach bad habits.
He will go talk to Demens and hug him, while saying "It's not your fault" a la Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting, until Demens cries out all memories of GERG's teddy-bear-assault, thus, washing away all memories of 2010 and making him even better for 2011 and beyond.
You just painted an amazing image in my brain.
GERG used to put 3 terrible defensive schemes on the table and make Demens choose
Demens would choose the 3-3-5. Because fuck Gerg, that's why.
.. evaluate the type of players we have, so he can understand where each player will fit best in the new defense
What fun is having a serious answer?
And then we will find out who will start at Spur and Spinner in the 3-3-5!
If you're from the rural South and have a strong accent... you might be a redneck!
THEY TOOK OUR JERBSSS!
When I said start with basic fundamentals ... I wasn't kidding.
Maybe three or four ... tops!
EDIT - my image wouldn't show up, sorry!
Wonder if this is Michigan or EASTERN Michigan.
+1 to you sir
this will have to do because i cannot actually do it without 100 pts
I got him for ya. and have a point for yourself to get you closer to the magic number
Cheer! There's no way he DOESN'T look like a hero after last year!
"Dude, it will be soooooooo easy to improve upon this. Ima go on break now, be back in July. K thx."
Jon harbaughs phone number. "Jon, we need to talk"
you can go all day?
When MGoBlog runs amok at 2 PM...you know it must be Friday. Cheers for the weekend being here!
He starts considering which is "his good side" so when the Jumbo HD scoreboards flash to him (after another 3rd down crazy blitz that causes a turnover) he looks his best.
In all likelyhood though, he prolly sees how many 3rd and longs we gave up and sees at least a good amoount of young inexperienced potential that he can groom.
Plus 1 to you, sir (my first -- I feel all special now /s)
After hearing about/seeing the statistics about the Michigan D, I think he becomes pleasantly surprised at what he will actually have to work with.
I've talked to Dave Ablauf, and all film from the Rich Rodriguez era was ceremonially burned outside of Schembechler during the Christmas break. We've all suffered enough.
check out players' fundamentals.
analyze the positives, and identify what needs to be worked on.
learn players' tendencies.
but most importantly, learn what not to do in case of emergency.
He will rewind the tape numerous times and yell out, "They played how many freshmen on defense!"
and angrily hiss, "Don't even think about running a 3-3-5 here! EVER!"
lick his chops
Cut himself. That's what I did when watching the defense. It's normal, right?
it's only normal if you then put poured alcohol on the cuts. That you can skip the whole mess of drinking it and just get it into your blood stream faster.
I see him thinking to himself, "why was GERG not fired after the first few games?" the same way I do when I think about our season, then coming to this site to look at pictures of cute kittens to calm himself down.
"You can't unsee that"
Darrell to Dwight on The Office last night about going to the strip club at noon on Monday.
As an aside, I had to explain why that was funny to my wife.
Insist the entire defense gets dreads in the off season.
He'll do whatever RichRod did in '08 when he got his first extended look at the remnants of a pro-style offense.
Which was what?? Look around and say, "man these guys are just too damn big!, We are gonna need some ninja's here" OR maybe it was "Oh they were sick of this?? Wait till I'm done with them, they'll pine for these days".
The team that beat Florida in the Capital One bowl was a better team(healthy) than any team RRod has ever coached in his whole life. I'd have put that team against his best W. Virginia team in a heartbeat.
just don't put that team against App State.
Although I'd say with the James Madison & a few other of the past few years we've come to understand it a little better. You just cant look past anybody now.
You like a Michigan team better than any of RR's WVU teams? TO BOLIVIA WITH YOU, HEATHEN!!
I saw the picture of the Maker's Mark, and started salivating. Then I saw your avatar, and wanted to cut myself again. She looks like a word with no vowels. For example: mmprrfffpkkktttssxxxzz.
Perhaps that fund can grow large enough to provide booze for all those who set eyes upon your avatar. Ouch!!
Kentucky straight bourbon is king, and Maker's Mark? Well, Maker's Mark is just the king of kings.
Please don't resign.
Actually, tuos is tsio.
throw up, then quit.....then hoke will woo him back
Step 1: Cut a hole in a box.
Step 2: Put his junk in that box
google GERG's address, drive there, kick him in the nuts then find every position coach and do the same thing. Call Coach Hoke and say "How many tackling dummies do we have? Well we need more and see if you can't get a bunch of kids willing to get tackled, we have got some work to do"
This video never gets old. Beating up buckeyes, talking smack, and hanging with hot looking women. This should be shown right before we run out of the tunnel.
It's the WWE. It's a guy wearing a M jersey in Columbus, Ohio and beating up Buckeyes. It's got it all.
Nothing finer than Scotty Steiner! +1 to you
Love it. And very fitting given your avatar hahaha. Scott Steiner is awesome.
Jake Long has changed his look a lot since his time with the WCW.
something like this I'd assume
Develop an affinity for stuffed animals?
He will run to his office, open his top desk drawer, and immediately burn the secret weapon GERG left behind.
room for Allen Funt.
I think he will just take a dump on the DVD and actually improve its stench because Mr. Mattison poops excellence.
PS: Learn something new everyday, can't type sh*t
LOL. In the future it will cause him to stop, point and laugh if he ever encounters Greg Robinson in real life.
Maybe he was trying to tell Demens that if he played better, he would get some beaver after the game. We'll never know!!
who was a major reason he took the job.
This will cause him to walk into DB's office and ask him why he fired RR instead of forcing a new defensive staff.
(Of course, maybe DB tried that, do we know?).
Introduce himself by calling all returning players individually to his office. Jarrett Irons will form tackle them as they show up. Those who survive will get to play on special teams. Those who can replicate Irons will get further playing time.
play a beer drinking game where he takes a drink everytime someone misses an assignment or a tackle. I will be awaiting this headline:
"Michigan DC Greg Mattison hospitalized for alcohol poisoning."
Then the game will spread.
That was my life for 3 months.
He will laugh, and laugh, and laugh, until he cries - but he won't consider it funny.
.......introspectively, then ask if they could now get him the film showing Michigan's defense.
Its a good thing he is looking at the film AFTER he took the job :)
He will piss himself?
Start. Drinking. Heavily.
He'll likely want to kick someone in the throat, but will ultimately settle with blasting the nearest person in the dome with a coffee mug from ten feet. Lebowski style.