NCAA president Mark Emmert announced today that, in keeping with the sense of justice and propriety of the McGary ruling, ten more NCAA D-1 basketball players have been suspended. The players, their schools, and the lengths and reasons for the suspensions are listed below:
Montrezl Harrell – Louisville -Suspended one year for violating the Vagrancy Act of 1824.
Dyshawn Pierre – Dayton - Suspended for life for speaking ill of the Queen on St. George's Day.
Naadir Tharpe – Kansas - Suspended for half of the '14-'15 season for failing to break his quota of rocks on multiple days.
Cameron Ridley – Texas - Suspended two years for sassing a constable.
Monte Morris – Iowa State - Suspended one year for asking for a second bowl of gruel.
Aaron White – Iowa - Flogged for failing to address a lady as "ma'am" or "m'lady."
Jabril Trawick – Georgetown - Suspended three years for heresy (suggesting that the earth revolves around the sun).
Dez Wells - Maryland - Suspended two years for gandering at Johanna, the ward of Judge Turpin.
Mike Tobey – UVA - Suspended for life for questioning the morality and long-term viability of Britain's occupation of India.
[redacted] - Kentucky - Suspended one game for taking $200,000 in benefits from a booster, multiple homicides, and desecration of a corpse.