A Letter From Mike Matheny

....but if you were a parent of a child on this team, if nothing else, the expectations of YOU  would be crystal clear, and it seems like lately, it is an expectation that a fair number of coaches apparently need to set nowadays, and very sadly with good reason. 

As someone who coached for a time after his insignificant days in baseball, I can identify with the sentiment - some parents almost want their kid to be Hank Aaron on offense, Brooks Robinson on defense, and Billy Martin with the umpires and it just isn't a realistic (or in the case of the last one, desired) expectation of someone still muddling through the 3rd or  4th grade. 

It does seem like MM is trying to fight crazy with crazy.

Sometimes setting a tone with the parents is necessary.

I vividly remember being a kid on several youth basketball and baseball teams my father coached, and there were always a few parents who were awful. It brings down the whole team, and most of the cheering or yelling of instruction from the peanut gallery was completely uncessary.

My father has numerous overbearing sports parent stories that I was not privy to as a kid.

On one of our middle school teams there was a kid whose parents would show up to every game and make out like two 13 year olds just discoerving their bodies. They rarely paid attention to anything that was happening on the court, and yet one practice they showed up demanding to know why their son was "always coming out of games as soon as he'd been subbed in, and sat the bench more than any other kid."

My father explained that their son always asked to be taken out of the game, and whenever he would say "Who needs a break?" he would be the first with his hand in the air.

He tried to play him as much as possible to be fair, but wasn't going to play a kid who wanted to be taken out of the game, over a kid sitting on the bench who wanted in.

They asked their son if it was true, to which he nodded, and they dropped it, but I shudder to think of the more zealous parents who make it more about themselves than their kids. We had a few of those on some little league teams I played on, and it makes it an uncomfortable atmosphere for all of the kids.

I dunno.  My little league coach managed to keep the kids and parents in line pretty well without having to be so over the top with it.  We even won a championship.  He coached with honor and integrity and led by example while other coaches in the league acted like asses and their kids foloowed suit.  

 I'm also pretty sure his religious affiliation never came up, and I find the idea of religion entering into a game of Little League patently ridiculous.  The kids are there to play baseball, not attend seminary. 

Great letter for a 13yo+ travel team up to High school ball.

seemed a bit much for LL

I enjoyed this quite a bit. Especially

"Our culture has lost this respect for authority mostly because the kids hear the parents constantly complaining about the teachers and coaches of the child."

It's the reason I definitely will not coach youth hockey or baseball ever, something I always thought I would eventually do.

I don't have much of a problem with this. But it isn't as funny as this email from a youth soccer coach in Quincy, MA. The fact that the parents flipped out and the coach was forced to resign suggests that Matheny may be on to something.

I love the letter.  Plus, if I was a parent I would be happy to have a coach for my kid that is actually qualified to coach that sport.  Something that is rare, at least in Northern Virginia.

My son has been playing baseball for seven years (he's now 12), and the coaches have run the gamut. One coach in particular was truly an a**hole - he was so hyper-competitive that when we played the only other undefeated team in the league, he actually got into a screaming match with a grandfather who got too close to the dugout as he tried to take a picture. But my son will now say (that was two years ago) that he was "good" tough, that he knew baseball so it was ok. The guy hasn't coached since. As for parents, I have only run into one parent who lets her own competitiveness run wild, and it's really awful to watch. You gotta feel for the kids whose parents can't separate themselves from their kids in sports. 

I coached youth sports for almost 15 years and i LOVED this letter.  Trust me when I tell you that the parents are the bane of every young coach in America because 99% are delusional when it comes to their child.  They all seemingly believe that their son or daughter is blessed with God-given talent that if only given the proper coaching (and playing time of course) would show itself to the world.  I could count on one hand the number of parents capable of a realistic evaluation of their child's athletic prowess.....we simply are not hard-wired to be objective when it comes to a child.

My favorite parent story was during my second year of coaching youth football.  We had the proverbial "Little Giants" team (before their amazing transformation) - we were BAD.  In the league we were in every kids had to play 8 plays minimum or you forfiet so I had a dad assaigned to make sure every boy got at least 8 plays - usually 10 or more.  Anyways one particularly terrible game we were getting drilled like 35 - 0 so I decided to let the "8 play kids" finish up the 4th quarter.  I mean how much worse could it get right?  So the final scored ended up like 49 to 0 and after the game I'm talking to my assistant coaches about the game when a parent got in my face and started yelling because his son (the starting QB) got pulled in the third quarter.  He said this loss was all my fault cause I played the "8 play kids" too much and if i only left the starters in longer we'd be ok.  Well he had more finished letting me know what a horrible coach I was when another dad came up and started yelling because I didn't give the "8 play kids" more time in the game.  "How were they suppose to get better" he yelled if I didnt give them more playing time.  

At that point in time I realized that there was NO way to keep parents happy and I just resigned myself to having to deal with their respective insanity.  My standard response became "why don't you come out and help if you think you can improve things" which almost never got taken up on.  After all - coaching kids is work...and in many cases thankless work at that.  At least from the parents that is.

nevermind

If I had a son of little league age, I'd sign him up to play for him immediately. Everything I have ever read echoes what MGrowold has experienced: the parents are the assholes. Too many of them are looking at their little Johnny as their meal ticket to big bucks, or to validate Dad's manhood.

I don't give a crap about his religion; I'm as far away as you can imagine from his faith, but my kid would be playing ball, not going to church. Metheny sounds like he'd be a great teacher: firm, demanding, but fair.

welcome to what it's like being a teacher.

Comes from experience. I disagree about parents providing the, "Silent encouragement". My father has worked with kids for 43 years and has a masters in counseling. He would always yell nonspecific encouragement to every kid on the team. Things like, "lookin' very strong you can do this!" many fmr teammates have told me 10 years later, that they still remember what he said because it inspired them in that moment. It's the only time they had fans cheering their name in their whole life. As for me, well I also earned a Big Ten baseball scholarship so I disagree that it put extra pressure on me. Also some of my teammates are throwing in the Major Leagues, including a couple World Series. So I don't think it negatively impacted them either. If Matheny strictly enforced the "silence" part on my Dad, I wouldn't play for him. Otherwise, that letter is beautiful.

I Have coached youth for many years, and writing a letter like this and giving it to the parents at the begining of the season is a must. I don't quite go as elaborate as this letter, but the points are the same. I as a coach have expectations for the players as well as the parents, if you are in disagreement with me, then I will try and help you and your child find another team.

I highly reccomend anyone that is thinking about coaching a youth sport to do this at the begining of the season. It nips everything in the bud and keeps everyone on the same page, which is for the kids.

As the parent of a kid who has played on school & rec ed soccer and baseball teams I think the letter is excellent and necessary.  I might have thought it was over-the-top before I had been around other parents at the games, but not anymore.

Most parents are marvelous, but it only takes one or two bad apples to make it hard for everyone.  They can make the coach miserable, impair kids' enjoyment and development, piss off the refs, and lead opponents to unfairly brand your entire team as unsportsmanlike.