Okay, if you're on the MGoBoard right now, you're obviously not out there, knee deep in sexy costumes and sweat. You're on Skynet. I'm okay with admitting this.
And, as is our wont, we're drinking right now, aren't we? Furthermore, we are in such a bitter mood (whether it be at internet doofi or the coaching staff) that we've managed to drive off loved ones and small children to a 500-foot perimeter, aren't we? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE DON'T TELL ME I'M THE ONLY ONE
In the interest of helping out my brethren and sisterthren, can I suggest/request some recession-influenced alcohols for consumption? I see all the Lagavulin, single-malts, and even Jameson* being bandied about, but I'm not too old to remember buying my first plastic handle of alcohol. Mine I'll toss in:
Bacardi 151: costs the same as normal pirate-rum, with twice the Punch That Hopefully Makes Me Pass Out and Forget 4 DAMN DOWNS AT THE 1-YD LINE.
Evan Williams: Jack is for the fancy-asses amongst us. Get a 1.75 for 21 clams, mix with Coke (or Wheaties if you're reading this during breakfast), and your tongue won't know the difference. You're liver will be equally wounded by each.
Smirnoff: Again, best if in a plastic bottle, and rest safe in the knowledge that this is the one that beat out Chopin, Grey Goose, and Belvedere in a NY Times taste test. Use two Large size cups from Wednesdays as a Boston shaker, whip up some Forgetinis.
I'll now wobble off the stage to let the other Sad Sacks of Crap come offer help to the community.
*Yes, Jimmy McNulty makes more money than me. I'm poorer than a Baltimore police detective. (Slugs another double-shot Evan Williams into my sad head.)