Lane Kiffin for Next Michigan HC

Submitted by Space Coyote on

I know I said I wasn't going to talk coaching changes at Michigan, but then it struck me.

People keep bringing up names like Nussmeier or Butch Jones from Tennessee. People say we need to find our Nick Saban or Pete Carroll from his USC days. I combined those thoughts together when it dawned on me.

Facts: Lane Kiffin is the perfect candidate for the Michigan Head Coaching position. 

  • He is a former head coach both in the NFL and at major college football programs (Tennessee and USC)
  • He currently owns a 62.5% winning record, which can surely only improve at Michigan
  • He's been a position coach at OL, WR, TE, and QB, and has been an OC.
  • His offense is similar to the offense brought in by Nussmeier, so no brand new system needs to be learned immediately
  • But he's an upgrade over Nussmeier, because he took Nussmeier's job.
  • He is a Nick Saban disciple, the most successful coach in college football.
  • He was a dynamic recruiter at his previous stops
  • He has connections to Southern California and Florida, recruiting hot beds. On top of that, he has connections within the B1G footprint in Minnesota and Nebraska.
  • He's the son of a former great NFL DC. He could be brought on to implement a zone blitz heavy defense similar to the one brought in by Mattison that can teach players what they need to learn to make it to the NFL
  • His brother is the current DL coach at Ole Miss. He can install that SEC speed.
  • He's only 39 years old. He could run this program for 25 years, build a great coaching tree, and have Michigan at elite status for several decades.

Lane Kiffin for the next head coach of Michigan!

EDIT: This has been up long enough now. This was satire, fighting the insanity of this blog with maximum insanity. "In a mad world, only the mad are sane." So this doesn't totally come back to bite me in the ass later when someone links this and says "YOU HAVE NO CREDIBILITY, YOU WANTED KIFFIN TO BE THE MICHIGAN COACH" (which, no), for those on phone apps that can't see the tags or those that don't look at the tags below:

Tags: 

MGoBoard
Football
Satire
Lane Kiffin
Brady Hoke
does anyone actually look at these tags?
-1 Trolling
sometimes I'm an ass
is obvious sarcasm is obvious?
head coach candidates
monte kiffin
who is Michigan's next AD

LSAClassOf2000

September 23rd, 2014 at 10:40 AM ^

Didn't Kiffin have a loan or two brokered with the help of USC as well? I seem to remember reports that USC was willing to go in on his house with him when he first showed up on campus, so I wonder how much he still owes if that's the case. It's a wash from a cost standpoint, but at least we would know that Kiffin would not be getting his own paycheck for the most part. 

Joined: 01/07/2011

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MadMonkey

September 23rd, 2014 at 10:21 AM ^

program has truly jumped the shark.

I think I was the last Hoke supporter (not related by either blood or marriage) in the stadium on Saturday.   It looks like I have been rearranging deck chairs on the Titannic.

Two cliches for free in one comment.  It's like a David Brandon ticket deal.

Joined: 04/08/2010

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Space Coyote

September 23rd, 2014 at 10:28 AM ^

And scene! (The whole version of the above is actually a pretty powerful short film - it's a silent so you don't need subtitles - for those interested in Japanese history/cinema; I believe it's on youtube)

Joined: 06/18/2009

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mGrowOld

September 23rd, 2014 at 10:22 AM ^

Shows you how desparate I am right now.  I'm actually considering this possibility and saying "you know - he might be right".

In a city of blind men - the one-eyed man is King.

Joined: 10/04/2010

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Champeen

September 23rd, 2014 at 10:23 AM ^

Wow, tell me this is a cfucking joke!

You want to replace Hoke with literally the WORST head coach in the history of college football?  My 3 year old son could not CKUF up the elite programs worse then he did.  Talk about doing the worst with elite talent, this guy could not X and O his way out of a tic tac toe game with my 3 year old son.

PLEASE tell me you are joking and have not lost your mind.  Holy CFUKCK!

Joined: 04/07/2011

MGoPoints: 14833

carlos spicywiener

September 23rd, 2014 at 10:38 AM ^

Wow, tell me this is a cfucking joke!

You want to replace Hoke with literally the WORST head coach in the history of college football?  My 3 year old son could not CKUF up the elite programs worse then he did.  Talk about doing the worst with elite talent, this guy could not X and O his way out of a tic tac toe game with my 3 year old son.

PLEASE tell me you are joking and have not lost your mind.  Holy CFUKCK!

Joined: 05/03/2014

MGoPoints: 25160

Champeen

September 23rd, 2014 at 10:23 AM ^

Wow, tell me this is a cfucking joke!

You want to replace Hoke with literally the WORST head coach in the history of college football?  My 3 year old son could not CKUF up the elite programs worse then he did.  Talk about doing the worst with elite talent, this guy could not X and O his way out of a tic tac toe game with my 3 year old son.

PLEASE tell me you are joking and have not lost your mind.  Holy CFUKCK!

Joined: 04/07/2011

MGoPoints: 14833

carlos spicywiener

September 23rd, 2014 at 10:38 AM ^

Wow, tell me this is a cfucking joke!

You want to replace Hoke with literally the WORST head coach in the history of college football?  My 3 year old son could not CKUF up the elite programs worse then he did.  Talk about doing the worst with elite talent, this guy could not X and O his way out of a tic tac toe game with my 3 year old son.

PLEASE tell me you are joking and have not lost your mind.  Holy CFUKCK!

Joined: 05/03/2014

MGoPoints: 25160

Avon Barksdale

September 23rd, 2014 at 10:28 AM ^

I'd only agree to Lane Kiffin as Head Coach if he brought along Monte as DC. Monte, being a longtime, younger professional DC, could probably find a way to stop those up-tempo spread attacks. /s

Joined: 04/27/2013

MGoPoints: 12859

carlos spicywiener

September 23rd, 2014 at 10:39 AM ^

Wow, tell me this is a cfucking joke!

You want to replace Hoke with literally the WORST head coach in the history of college football?  My 3 year old son could not CKUF up the elite programs worse then he did.  Talk about doing the worst with elite talent, this guy could not X and O his way out of a tic tac toe game with my 3 year old son.

PLEASE tell me you are joking and have not lost your mind.  Holy CFUKCK!

Joined: 05/03/2014

MGoPoints: 25160

CoachBP6

September 23rd, 2014 at 10:46 AM ^

All I can really say is wow.  Kiffin has failed everywhere he has been as a HC and is an absolute joke.  Sure he knows offense, but he needs a real good QB for his offenses to have any success whatsoever as evidenced in his last season at USC.  He has ZERO loyalty and as a Raiders fan I still see him as a little punk.  I really hope you are joking Space.  However we all know you are not though as you are Borges' biggest fan in the history of the world.  

Joined: 12/18/2013

MGoPoints: 7967

jackw8542

September 23rd, 2014 at 10:57 AM ^

I read your column on Breakdown Sports and very much appreciate your perspective. Much of what Hoke does is admirable. He seems to teach the players to be responsible human beings, seems to genuinely care about them and seems to make sure they graduate. It is hard to find a coach who will make those his priorities and still be able to win at a level satisfactory to Michigan's fans, but I (this is just personally) would never want a coach who did not have those as his priorities. As to winning, I still believe Hoke can turn it around (just as I thought Rodriguez was slowly but surely turning it around by the end of the 2010 season). At this point, he has the defense he wants but still has an OL that has zero 5th year seniors and zero 4th year seniors, and he has had a few injury problems to boot, both on offense and defense. When Funchess is back to 100% and Butt is back to 100%, then the offense will be close to where it can be this year, and the OL and other WRs should improve as the players gain experience and cohesion during the course of the year. Gardner has seemed to be much more of a problem than I ever would have thought he would be prior to the season, and that may be difficult to overcome. He seems very uncomfortable and to be playing much more slowly than he did last year. Was the Utah game disappointing? Was the ND game disappointing? Of course. But I am not ready to quit on Hoke or the players. Maybe that comes from having been at Michigan when Bump Elliott was the coach, but maybe it just comes from believing that hard-working, smart and decent people will usually find a way to succeed. Hoke, Mattison, Nussmeier and the rest of the coaches all have those basic characteristics for success. Go Blue!

Joined: 10/30/2010

MGoPoints: 4265

Sarasota13

September 23rd, 2014 at 10:28 PM ^

To me, the Utah was disappointing and the ND loss very disappointing.

Yet, we have a very young offensive team that is a year behind the defense. Gardner has had to endure 2 different coaches and 3 OCs, with a stint at wide receiver. It is no wonder why this 5th year senior lacks the polish of a 5th year QB.

We have a great DC, who is highly respected by ND, Meyer, John Harbaugh and others. The OC is an excellent coach. And as a UM alumni, I am very pleased with the team focus and administration by Brady Hoke. The team is an attribute to the University of Michigan as a whole. This is all important from a university perspective and its academic alumni.

Let's let's see how these red shirt sophomores, red shirt freshman and freshman perform next year, or even later this year. In my view, Hoke and company should get a free pass until at least through the end of next year.

As always,

Go Blue!
'80

Joined: 06/22/2011

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