(Just A Wee Bit OT) A Modest Proposal for Big Ten Expansion
For the consideration of the Presidents of the Big Ten Conference, I would like to propose the ultimate game changer in college football. Since we all know that the league needs to be as big as possible in order to maximize the value of the Big Ten Network, I propose that the Big Ten add the following colleges:
Notre Dame, Pitt, Missouri, Syracuse, Nebraska, Texas, Texas A&M, UConn, Boston College, Rutgers, Maryland, Colorado, Kansas, Oklahoma, West Virginia, Virginia, Virginia Tech, Cincinnati, Louisville, Memphis, South Florida, Hawaii, Miami (OH), Miami (FL), Columbia, Yale, Harvard, Toledo, Delaware, Appalachian St, UCLA, and Bob Jones University.
Adding these 32 teams would create what I call the 43 Team Squamish Conference. It would also accomplish the total annihalation of the Big East by removing every member of that league with anything loosely resembling a decent football team. (Which, for some reason seems to be an important goal of many Big Ten expansion proposals. Personally I have no animosity towards the Big East, but hey, give the Big Ten fans what they want. If that's Mike Tranghese's head on a silver platter, so be it.)
If there is any interest in college football in New York the Squamish would control just about every team within a day's drive of Gotham. In addition, UCLA would give the league access to the Southern California TV market, just in time for USC to recieve the death penalty. With no NFL teams in the area, Los Angelenos will have to watch the Big Ten network for their weekly football fix -- CHA-CHING!
I would suggest that the league be divided into the divisions as follows: First, there will be a five member Michigan And All The Teams They Need To Play Division, (M&AT3NTP for short) made up initially of Michigan, OSU, MSU, Notre Dame, and App St. (Because, face it, someday Michigan will figure out the spread well enough to actually beat those punks, and that will feel really good.) Then there will be the Academic Division, consisting of seven teams we brought in purely to make sure our scholastic and moral profile still looks good: Northwestern, Harvard, Yale, Columbia, Texas, Virginia, and BJU. Teams in these two divisions play each other in round robins.
The remaining 33 teams can be broken up into three geographic divisions of eleven teams each, because scheduling works really well with eleven teams. (Well, better than any sixteen-team plan I've seen so far anyway.) The three divisions will be called the Fredonia Division, the Sylvania Division, and the Amos Alonzo Stagg division. Which teams belong in which division should be self-evident. In order to maintain rivalries, teams in the three eleven-team divisions will play none of the other teams in their own divisions.
The Championship of the 43 Team Squamish League will be determined as follows. The champions of the Fredonia Division and the Sylvania Division will meet in Florida in the Duck Soup Bowl, while the winners of the M&AT3NTP and Stagg Divisions will meet in the World Cup Final in South Africa. The winners of those two games will meet in the Big Game At the End of the Season, which will be held on the Following Saturday in a Big Stadium in a Big Media Market. The winner of the Academic Division will not participate in the postseason, because their season is strictly academic.
Academic excellence, gobs of money, and total domination of college sports. Plus a really convoluted schedule. What's not to love?
April 28th, 2010 at 12:54 AM ^
Damn, you have nothing better to do?
April 28th, 2010 at 12:55 AM ^
I groaned when I saw this because I thought it was another tired expansion proposal but this made my night +1 to you sir.
This is beautiful, simply fucking beautiful. +1 to you sir.
bc i was about to get pissed at ANOTHER thread. +1 to YOU sir
Time to use the rest of my printing allocation to rasterbate "KSmooth for Squamish Commissioner" posters!
doooooo it
But what about space and the rest of the universe?
-1, you did not think expansively enough. Aliens will want to be exposed to the Empire as well.
Zoltan will handle all matters relating to outer space.
Once I figured he meant - all of them, I stopped reading.
but he's joking
Bob Jones University is a game-changer, however. The rest of the league is left to battle for second place.
(Really, I think the Big Ten is going to add one team, change the name to something not contrary to its makeup, split into two divisions and have a championship game. I also think that is all it needs to or should do.)
When do we eat the babbies?
University of Puerto Rico - get them to start a D1 college football program and join the big ten. Who wouldn't love the weather, beaches, it could totally steal Miami Recruits. They can have T-shirts "Hawai'i - the Puerto Rico of the Pacific"
April 28th, 2010 at 12:01 PM ^
This is an obvious tangent...but I am somewhat surprised that there has never been any talk of a bowl game in Puerto Rico.
The weather is gorgeous on Jan 1 and the airport is accessible via many commercial airlines throughout the US. It would seem to be a better destination than some of the existing games (e.g., in Detroit, Toronto, and now the Bronx?).
Very true, and it's pretty accessible in terms of time it takes to travel, great weather. Only thing I'd wonder about is what stadium they'd use. Only one I know of in San Juan is Hiram Bithorn Stadium, which is tiny. (capacity of 18k)
April 29th, 2010 at 11:58 AM ^
I didn't think of the stadium issue. Still, with a million people in the San Juan area alone, you'd think they could build something even if it's a modified baseball or soccer stadium. Then again, many of the old bowls (Rose, Cotton, Orange) were built for just one game a year anyways.
A bowl game in Puerto Rico would seem to make a lot of economic sense. Since San Juan airport is a regional hub, there are already many tourists passing though it during the holiday season and a game might compel some of them to spend a couple of days in San Juan (spending money there) that they otherwise wouldn't.
A game might also draw tourists who otherwise wouldn't consider a Caribbean holiday. Either before or after the game they could proceed onwards for a vacation in the Virgin Islands, Grenadines, Barbados, whatever (of course, PR is pretty nice too). Could be a small boost to the entire region.
Would Wisconsin be in the Fredonia or Sylvania? I can see a good argument for either one.
...about the online schools category. I'd start with the University of Phoenix since they already have a stadium and it has a cool retractable roof.
April 28th, 2010 at 10:01 AM ^
If you add Bemidji State then you will have an even 44 and able to have 4 divisions of 11 teams.
Just a suggestion.