Incredibly OT - My roommate is hilariously trashed right now

I hope your roommate is okay with you posting this information on the internet.

Called the mad pisser. He pisses everywhere. On hockey bags, in dryers, clothes, down the stairs. Well one night my buddies ex is stayin the night his roomate actually and he pisses on her in bed she wakes up screaming as she opens the door he is standing there talk about awkward. I guess in high school he pissed all over someones house at Miami(OH) and while we were playing North Dakota the ref said is that really _____ I cant say his name but i said yea and proceded to tell me the story before the game about how he pissed all over his couch and these girls.

2nd-hand story but still entertaining... A housemate of my sister (and varsity swimmer... and pretty cute) brings home a guy for the evening. Both are drunk. Nocturnal activity (to an unknown degree) takes place. Slumber commences. At some point in the middle of the night the guy wakes up and, in a panic, decides he has to get out of there. He does so quietly and his absence is not noted until the morning. All his clothes are still there. Here's the good part: It was one of those frigid January days where the temperature bottoms out south of 10F. By process of elimination the swimmer (tall gal, by the way) determines that the guy must have walked several blocks wearing only her swim parka (long, knee-length coat that probably fit him perfectly) and Croc-ish sandals. Chilly!

I haven't read a thread this entertaining in a loooong time...

Since your buddy is planning to be a male nurse, I imagine splitting a four-pack of Seagram's strawberry coolers with Jim Tressel was more than enough to get him in this condition. Just looking for confirmation.

Jamaica during college. Friend gets blackout drunk at bar and stops talking to everyone, just stands in corner looking deranged. Shortly after, inexplicably punches me square in the back while I'm talking to some girls, walks off and isn't seen for the rest of the night. We all go home around 3am by taxi to hotel four miles away. At around 5am, friend comes home, but instead of using key to come through door, climbs outside from balcony to balcony three stories up to get to room. Punches through screen door connecting to balcony, unlocks door, crawls into bed to no remark from us. Upon waking, he has no recollection of anything from 11pm onward: how he got home, how he acrobatically negotiated the balconies, etc. Also, at some point he had lost both his shoes. For my part, somehow I woke up wearing one of said friend's t-shirts as underpants. Weird?

My sophomore year a roommates brother was visiting, big guy who could really booze, and we all head out after some pre-party at our apartment. Brothers split a fifth of Jack Daniels in about an hour for pre-party. Many cocktails later we are back at our apartment with the video camera out being stupid when my roommate disappears for a bit so we naturally go looking for him to fuck with him. We end up finding him in his bathroom on the toilet taking a Buckeye with his pants around his ankles covered in vomit. Dude puked on himself while Buckey-ing. Best part, fast forward the tape a few minutes and he returns to the party wearing the same clothes having no clue anything is wrong. My third roommate has the tape somewhere and I have no doubt that it will surface for a reunion sooner or later. Also, I sleepwalk when I blackout so I have some good stories about that, but I think I will stick to stories about other people.

I am not going to mention any stories that would get myself or anyone I know in trouble, but.. One day in April I run into this kid from my fraternity at some house party at one of our houses (I'm a senior, he's a sophomore) and he tells me about something that happened in February (I have no recollection - complete blackout). Apparently after a typical night at Ricks, I went to Panchero's and got an el gordo. Couldn't wait til I got home - so I was eating it on the way. Ran into this kid and his girlfriend on State St. randomly (probably circa 2 AM). Had a conversation (not much was said by me I am sure) and out of the blue I chucked my half eaten el gordo in the face of some poor kid walking by. Hit him right in the face - el gordo everywhere. Kid stops and half turns around, muttering something to the effect of "what the fuck?" and I go all crazy eyes on the kid and he decides it is best to keep on walking. Glad he didn't try to kick my ass. (Best post-college story would be the year after I graduated on New Years Eve - highlights include: Blacking out right after midnight, grabbing some girls ass, having her boyfriend (amateur MMA fighter) threaten to beat my ass, having to be taken out of the back door of the bar (my buddy's dad owns it), going back to his girlfriend's place, urinating in her hamper, and then being woken up from the blackout being accused of things I did not remember and getting into a fight with my buddy as he drove me home. Their wedding is next weekend and yes, I am invited)

So we had our annual Halloween party a few years ago at the fraternity and one of the brothers dressed in all white. I can't remember what he was dressed as but he was wearing all white. He crashed on another brothers couch because he didn't live in the house. Well a pledge was sleeping down the hallway in a different room and got up to go to the bathroom. Instead of taking a left into the bathroom he took a right into the brothers room. The guy in all white heard the door open and thought it was someone looking for a couch to sleep on and didn't bother to look. Well the pledge saw the brother in all white and thought it was the toilet and began to pee all over the brother. Hearing the story the next day was pretty funny.

I dated this girl for a while. She was really a... nasty freak. She just loved to get down with sex all the time. It was like... anytime of day, she was like, "Yeah, let's go! I'm so nasty!" And I'd be nailing her and she'd be like, "Oh, you're nailing me! Cool!"

One of my buddies chopped down a pine tree outside Bursley around 3am our freshman year because he wanted a Christmas tree for his room. Naturally, DPS arrested him while dragging it through the lobby.

Freshman year Couzens 6th floor two guys were sleeping in their beds when the door pops open. This is when all the doors had hotel locks but people would fuck them up enough that they just wouldn't lock properly. Well the crash was significant enough that they figure it's their drunk friend popping in but there's just silence. One of the guys rolls over to see what's going on after a couple minutes expecting to see the friend passed out on the floor and sees a figure crouching over the desk on a chair. This is with the stackable furniture and it was set up so the desk was facing out. Then there was the sound of water. The roommate yells for his roommate to wake up and they find that one of the co-eds down the floor is flat out squat over the desk atop the chair pissing all over the laptop and desk. She was one door off from the bathroom and had hit the door hard enough to pop it and somehow managed all of this. Well the guy gets up and starts yelling, she runs to her room, locks the door and claims the guy is pissed off and drunk and lying. That was like week two of the first semester. Other activities included slingshotting tennis balls down the hall from one hall down to the other. 6th floor couzens is shaped like a T so we were shooting from the bottom to the top of the T where they meet. It was absurd and drunken and great. The other was shooting with said slingshot fruit and various food and trash across the gap of the wings separated like a H from the left side to the right. We finally shot baby carrots and hit a window. Drunk kid decides he wants to throw a water balloon and right as he's about to throw it I remember thinking "man, that girl just opened her window to see what hit it (the carrots)." Kid wasn't aiming and even if he had been it was a one in a million shot. Hit the screen 2 floors down and exploded right next to the girl in her room on her desk. So much stupid shit through the years. Fire extinguishers, guys lying to DPS that the large object under their jacket is not a case of beer but a fish tank, etc.

I want to know why the hell a mom with a kid in the car would pick up a hitchhiker in the first place. Did he have a case of Bud Light? Heyyooo!