So I was at my first pre-marital counseling session the other day with my fiance'. Our "counselors" are a mentor couple whom we know well and have an established relationship with. My fiance' was asked about something that I am passionate about. She replied, "Michigan Football. . . I know on Saturday afternoons in the fall he's going to be watching the games, and we will be going to some games together. But I know that if Michigan is playing bad, I need to just let him be alone for a couple hours after the game. Then we're fine" I nodded and agreed. The other woman seemed confused and slightly annoyed by the fact thatI take a sport so seriously that it would affect my mood and also that my fiance' was so accepting of it. She asked us "I dont get it, why do you care so much?" I didnt really know what to say, I have never had to explain it. My fiance' has never asked me to explain my fanaticism for Michigan Football, she has just accepted it and gone along with it (and says she has come to enjoy it too). I could have explained being raised in a family where there is no question about what happens on saturday afternoons in the fall, I could have explained the euphoria that is felt when you walk into the Big House and hear the drumline in the distance. I could have explained the Rose Bowls, the championships and the countless beatings of "Little Brother". But I didnt, I was content that my fiance' gets me and that I dont need to explain it to anyone else.
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How do I explain it?
You're lucky you just have a "problem" with football. My fiancee loves football but doesn't care much for basketball - it took her a few games to leave me alone this season after some of the devasting losses we took. I wanted to cry and shoot myself after Lucas hit a wide open shot when Beilein decided to go into zone for the last posession AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Does your fiance' by any chance have a sister?
yeah, but she's 17.
"she's only 17, daddy says she too young, but she's old enough for me"---Winger
She's "only 17" for a little longer....
i get older, they stay the same age.
/Matthew McConaughey
Your last line says it all. You're not hurting anybody, and as long as your wife-to-be is cool with it, then it doesn't matter what your premarital counselors think. If they have some good advice, by all means, take it. Otherwise, continue celebrating Saturdays as they were meant to be celebrated.
....them, if they as a couple don't allow each other to be passionate about something without needing to rationalize it in some way
In a society that tends to "normalize" (and I mean that in the audio-editing sense of the word) male emotions, a sport like football gets to be the proxy for the primal part of our brains that still need to gather together as a tribe, do something violent, and then hoot about it.
Yes, it's silly. So is buying a purebred dog when there are dozens of perfectly good, healthy, smart ones down at the pound that are going to be killed because no one wants them. Did your counselors bring that sh** up too? DId the woman who "didn't get it" have some a couple of pieces of metal in her ears and some stuff dangling off of them? That's pretty stupid. Was she wearing heels? Doesn't get any dumber than that.
My wife likes to watch that ONE movie that they always show on Lifetime. Ya know...the one where the mean man does something heartless and the plucky woman picks herself up by her bootstraps and carves out a great life for herself and her kids? That's only thing that ever plays on Lifetime. They just recast the same movie over and over.
This is why we have more than one TV.
If Michigan loses and you knock a hole in the wall and melt down and challenge three people to a fight....well, you don't, because otherwise you wouldn't be getting married. And you'd be a Notre Dame fan.
But if Michigan loses and you pout for a bit and drink a beer and say a four-letter word and then get on with your life, that just means your testicles and your heart are hooked up to the right places and still work. Tell that counselor that lick your balls, go have sex with your fiancee, and look forward your life together.
... the OP's "counselor" is a "mentor couple."
And to the OP: this "counseling" is just something to get through and learn from. As you suggest it's not about trying to make someone who isn't a Michigan football fan understand. Smile, nod, thank them, get their sign-off and move on. Sounds like your finance is a keeper, that's the important thing and good luck...
EPIC!
seconded
Well said!
You can't "explain" your passions. That's what makes them passions.
There is a famous article in psychology (written by a former UM professor, Bob Zajonc) called "Feeling and Thinking: Preferences Need No Inferences" that hits the mark here. Your passions are independent of rational thought.
if there is grass on the field, play ball
flip it over and play in the mud.
gets you 20.
Nay, 16 gets you 20.
day, at the reception, I sat out in the limo with a friend and one of my brothers and we watched Michigan play Minnesota on the limo TV.....someone had to come out and get me for the dinner, etc....new wife was not impressed, but she now knows that on Saturday in the fall, don't expect too much out of me until AFTER the game....
you should get married in the spring/summer.
People who get married on Saturdays in the Fall don't want you as their friend.
Several years ago, someone I knew in college was getting married in September. I didn't go to the wedding and when they got back, their now-wife asked why I didn't come.
I explained that I had tickets to a game with my dad that day. I had started cooking stuff for a tailgate lunch at 7 a.m. I got home from the game around 5 p.m. and then spent the evening munching on leftovers and watching football until about midnight with my old man. It had truly been a great day. It was one of those really special times where I got to hang out with my dad, having fun, and speaking to one and relating to one another as adults.
The wife still didn't understand why I didn't come to the wedding.
"I got you a blender. In fact, I bought you a HELL of a nice blender that was way nicer than the one you registered for. I took you guys out to dinner before the wedding. The NIGHT before the wedding, I bought your husband two beers and wished him well. I went by your house while you were on your honeymoon and gathered up the newspapers and brought your mail inside. Even though you didn't ask me to, I washed the stupid shaving cream off your car and cleaned up those beer cans and condoms people had stuck on it. Your wedding ceremony was what....20 minutes long? Did you need my help? Did you even notice I wasn't there? Had I not sent my regrets, would you have even known??"
She said, "So you chose FOOTBALL over us?"
Needless to say, these are not people I speak to anymore.
"I dont get it. Why do you care so much?" from a marriage counselor? what are you seeing......students who are interning for summer?
I think that everyone has totally illogical things they do that cannot be explained by anything, especially not at this point in life (presuming that everyone here is at least, say, 16 years into life). To act like everything we do is totally rational and that emotion is not involved at all is not only false, it's unhealthy and dangerous-one shouldn't beat oneself up just because something they do is irrational. Many things that everyone does are irrational. If someone were to think in coldly rational terms, and not utilize emotion at all, they would labeled a sociopath. I'll bet both members of this other couple, along with your wife, do plenty of things that do not make any sense to anyone who does not know them or the situation. And that's perfectly okay, as long as they're not damaging anything, or harming their relationships with others. Since it sounds like your fiancé is okay with all of this, I don't see much of a problem there.
Plus, as the great philosopher Ulysses Everett McGill once said: "It's a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart."
If this "counselor" questions you again, just shout, "I'm a man!" and storm out of the room.
No further explanation will be needed and in the future the other three people in the room can direct their energy toward something productive, like fixing you an authentic Reuben sandwich, rather than asking stupid, pointless questions.
Yeah, really, that's only, at the very most, what, 4 hoursx14 games? (14 games-conference championship and bowl game-so absolute most) That's 56 hours in a year that has 8,760 hours (not counting leap years).
Also, I always read your username as "extreme OJ"
Make sure you spell it Xtreme so all the kids know how EXTREME da OJ is. Ya dig?
Whipped much?
Find out what she is afraid of (mice, rats, spiders, snakes, etc.). Bring one to the next session in a box. Scare her with it, and then ask her to explain why in rational terms.
Tell Mrs. Stupidy Head knock knock then she'd say who's there and then you say you're a fuckin' idiot and fuck off. That's what I'd do.
no, and no.
Just your lovely and understanding fiancee.
I wonder if that "counselor" also asks the same questions about women's passions for "Grey's Anatomy" or "Sex and the City" or "The Biggest Loser" or "Oprah" or . . .
Why? Our helmet has wings. That's why.
