Grandchild Corruption Via OSU Brainwashing
I was just e-mailed pictures of my three year old daughter wearing an OSU cheerleader outfit, pompons, and even one of those damn block-o decals on her face. Normally this would be cause for a lynching, but it was sent to me by my parents who are watching her today. Although I continue to fight, my 8 year old daughter has already fallen victim to such treachery and declares allegiance to TUOOS. My son, the champion of justice and all things pure that he is, has stayed blue. My son chose his allegiance through his own free will which I did not press, but others have chosen not to allow my daughters to choose without corruption.
Since scorched earth is not an option, I have to come up with other means by which to save my three year old from falling to the dark side. A dangerous and decisive moment is upon my home and I need help.
August 31st, 2010 at 11:17 AM ^
Supervise your kids.
Remember what happened to this guy...
August 31st, 2010 at 11:18 AM ^
If that doesn't work, hand her transfer papers.
August 31st, 2010 at 9:48 PM ^
aren't transfers a part of the MICHIGAN TRADITION too?
August 31st, 2010 at 11:19 AM ^
Please change the title of your post. That is, needless to say, a touchy issue.
Don't get me wrong -- I appreciate the humor in the post itself.
August 31st, 2010 at 11:22 AM ^
Sorry to offend
August 31st, 2010 at 11:20 AM ^
If the courts allow this kind of behavior - I understand why people believe that there is no justice.
August 31st, 2010 at 11:25 AM ^
Teach both to read. Eventually they'll realize the right way to be.
August 31st, 2010 at 11:33 AM ^
from Ohio State fans.
August 31st, 2010 at 11:25 AM ^
You may have missed your chance. Ever since my daughter was around two, whenever she hears the word Ohio, she responds: "Ohio STINKS! STINKS! STINKS!" I taught her this as we drove through that state from our home in Ann Arbor to our new home in the DC area. Sometimes I feel like I'm taking advantage of such an impressionable mind just to instill prejudice . . . but its totally worth it on game day.
August 31st, 2010 at 11:30 AM ^
I pray that you are wrong...there is still time.
I always thought taking the high road would yield fruit. But I am beginning to believe that winning at all costs is the only option. The winners get to write the history books.
August 31st, 2010 at 11:27 AM ^
GREEN!
August 31st, 2010 at 11:33 AM ^
I have told my 8-year-old on many occasions that someday she will want a car, go on a date, or simply want a roof over her head, and that her choice has put this all in jeopardy.
August 31st, 2010 at 11:31 AM ^
my older daughter allies herself with the illini (school my wife and her brothers and cousins attended), while my younger daughter still follows up "GO!" with "BLUE!"
my older daughter, who is all of 4 years old, also likes the (gag) cubs (gag). that's what i get for living in chicago. Go Braves!
August 31st, 2010 at 11:32 AM ^
Just continue to buy your son double the ice cream, newfangled Nintendo-type equipment, Pokemon videos, or whatever the hell else kids like these days. Inform your daughter that Buckeye fans don't get toys/candy/etc. She will cry, lots, but eventually greed will take over and she'll come around. It may sound like a painful process, but trust me, she will thank you later when she has all her teeth and isn't waiting around for Maury to read some test results on national TV.
If that doesn't work, just regularly remind her that grandma and grandpa are going to hell. For some reason Satan and the eternal damnation he brings really scares the crap out of little kids. This can be used to your/our advantage.
August 31st, 2010 at 11:32 AM ^
attacking Mickey Mouse, Elmo, Dora, Cinderella, or any of her favorite characters. While maybe a tad traumatic for her at first, the image will pay dividends for years to come.
Then set a tape player looping "The Victors" softly by her bed as she sleeps.
August 31st, 2010 at 11:41 AM ^
Tape player? Does anyone even have one anymore?
August 31st, 2010 at 11:37 AM ^
Hide a buckeye under the bed witha radio, some lights and a string... then in the middle of the night turn on the flashing lights and have the radio playing some scary tune (I am making this up so bear with me) and pull the buckeye from under the bed with the string... if that doesn't make her hate buckeyes nothing will
Disclaimer: Do not actually do this, family first.
August 31st, 2010 at 11:41 AM ^
on her own. This is not something you can force on her.
Take her to the OSU Michigan game (in the armpit state) while wearing your Michigan apparrel.
You'll get heckled and maybe beat up, but she'll stop liking OSU. Of course if she heckles you and beats you up too, you're in trouble.
It's the price you have to pay!
August 31st, 2010 at 11:40 AM ^
The fastest and most effective way to destroy this negative influence is to inform your parents that they will have no further contact with your daughter and their granddaughter unless and until they end their brainwashing ways. Its one thing if the brainwashing was beneficial for your daughter's future. But they are basically encouraging her to attend community college!! The fastest way to end that is to hit the grandparents where it hurts - take away their grandchild privileges.
August 31st, 2010 at 11:48 AM ^
Go to WolverineHistorian's channel and show her some classic footage. 1969, 1997, 2003, and any others you find appropriate. Also include some classic Buckeye moments, such as Woody punching the Clemson linebacker in the neck. Explain to her the ramafactions of her decision and that it's never too late to confess and convert so long as she still has a pulse, but that the sooner she comes to terms with the truth, the netter her life will be.
August 31st, 2010 at 11:55 AM ^
That Chris Hansen won't be visiting Brian anytime soon now...
August 31st, 2010 at 12:10 PM ^
August 31st, 2010 at 12:48 PM ^
Sounds like you lost your family values and your daughter decided to transfer.
August 31st, 2010 at 1:22 PM ^
I cannot believe you compared my daughter to the stain from his daddy's pants currently known as Justin Boren. My daughter has never cried and whined because she went outside and played which caused her to sweat a little bit. I hope my daughter won't balloon to 350+ pounds and then say its the coaches' fault that I puke every day at practice. My daughter is not nor will she ever be that big of a pansy.
August 31st, 2010 at 1:23 PM ^
She now has a bright future in the snow removal industry.
August 31st, 2010 at 1:38 PM ^
I enjoy your posts, and I love how for most commentators a "/s" at the end of the post is enough to designate sarcasm... but for some reason with you as the poster and the subject matter I found your all-caps title that much better.
+1 to you sir
August 31st, 2010 at 1:47 PM ^
I gave up on subtlety long ago.
August 31st, 2010 at 12:53 PM ^
My biggest fear since moving to the Cleveland area is that my son or daughter will someday come home wearing those insipid colors. Fortunately me, my wife and two of his uncles all went to Michigan and their other uncle is at Penn, so family brainwashing will only be Blue. Seriously, it would make me very sad.
August 31st, 2010 at 3:17 PM ^
Your wife is a man? Only in Ohio...
Just playing man.
August 31st, 2010 at 8:32 PM ^
I'm from Grand Rapids... "two of his uncles" is referring to my son... My wife was a she last night and unless she went to Sweden today is probably still a she :-)
August 31st, 2010 at 1:13 PM ^
I would just have her spend a lot less time with the grandparents and more time with you guys and convince her Michigan is the way to go.
August 31st, 2010 at 1:25 PM ^
Remind your parents that they are getting older:
Seriously, for me, something like this wouldn't just be funny. It would anger me, like, a lot. I guess you're taking it with a grain of salt, which is, good for you, but I'd seriously tell them under no circumstances was this acceptable.
August 31st, 2010 at 3:10 PM ^
I can't be mad at them. I converted my cousin into a Michigan fan against his dad's will. I was to late for the older cousin but I saved the young one.
August 31st, 2010 at 4:18 PM ^
Ew. Buckeyes. Ew. Good for your son. At least he knows where the good guys are. Most OSU fans are busy with parole or appearing on "To catch a predator"
August 31st, 2010 at 10:20 PM ^
both of my daughters ages 11 and 7 are huge michigan fans. raised them right since birth. they absolutly hate anything scarlet and gay....er grey. was at a k-mart and saw one of those butt ugly inflatable brutus balloons and my 7 year old went up to it and gave it a dong punch. i laughed so hard i damn near pissed myself.