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Get it Off Your Chest: Call in Your Best MSU Jokes

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October 7th, 2010 at 9:28 AM
#1
Geaux_Blue
Geaux_Blue's picture
Joined: 01/26/2009
MGoPoints: 23708
Get it Off Your Chest: Call in Your Best MSU Jokes

97.1 The Ticket is having a contest - best joke about MSU (or UM) wins a $50 gas card

248-539-9797

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October 7th, 2010 at 9:32 AM
#2
mikoyan
mikoyan's picture
Joined: 09/06/2010
MGoPoints: 2784
To use a line from Monty

To use a line from Monty Python:

We can't think of anything to call them that more offensive than Sparties.

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October 7th, 2010 at 9:39 AM
#3
GunnersApe
GunnersApe's picture
Joined: 11/19/2009
MGoPoints: 6663
google got me this.

What does M-S-U stand for?
Michigan Slaughtered Us

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October 7th, 2010 at 9:42 AM
#4
MGoPHILLY
Joined: 04/16/2009
MGoPoints: 1973
stole this from another board

stole this from another board but:

Q:  Where did OJ SImpson hide out when the authorities were looking for him?

 

A:  East Lansing because thats the last place anyone would look for a Heisman trophy winner.

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October 7th, 2010 at 9:41 AM
#5
OSUMC Wolverine
OSUMC Wolverine's picture
Joined: 09/06/2008
MGoPoints: 1517
Not a joke, the joke.

I thought MSU was the joke, not the subject of jokes?

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October 7th, 2010 at 9:41 AM
#6
Blue_Drew
Joined: 09/27/2010
MGoPoints: 139
How do you get an MSU grad

How do you get an MSU grad off of your porch?

 

You pay for the pizza.

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October 7th, 2010 at 9:43 AM
(Reply to #6) #7
CRex
CRex's picture
Joined: 09/28/2009
MGoPoints: 9002
You pay for the pizza.

You pay for the pizza. Sadly this one works for every school.  You need something specific to really zing them.  Like how do you get a MSU student off the street?  You have the riot squad deploy tear gas or something.  It's early, i'm sure others can do better.

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October 7th, 2010 at 9:43 AM
#8
mikefromaa
mikefromaa's picture
Joined: 08/17/2009
MGoPoints: 300
Some of these are just a couple days old

Some of these are a couple of days old, but just in review:

Who misses coach Dantonio the most since his heart attack?
The doughnut shop across from the Ingham County Jail.

It has been confirmed: One spartan football player has seen the inside of a classroom. Oh. It was just to steal laptops.

Now you know spartan fans are jealous of "The Big House", did you hear they're going to rename their parking structure-er-spartan stadium "The Halfway House"?

Quesion: Who can stop the Michigan State Spartans?
Answer: I dont know, but dont ask Ingham County Prosecutor Stuart Dunnings.

Did you hear what the spartan basketball team has been working on in the offseason? They've been practicing their "double team". Their "trap". Switching to "man on man" after they score. Avoiding "Lane violations"(not sure who this Lane girl is), and primarily working on their "defense".
 

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October 7th, 2010 at 9:43 AM
#9
maizenblue92
maizenblue92's picture
Joined: 01/01/2009
MGoPoints: 11527
Guy One says: "What is the

Guy One says: "What is the difference between a State grad and an inbred-redneck?"

Guy Two answers: "There is a Difference?"

One more for the road:

Why did the guy put his MSU diploma in his windshield?

To prove he was handicapped.

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October 7th, 2010 at 9:55 AM
(Reply to #9) #10
gbdub
gbdub's picture
Joined: 02/16/2010
MGoPoints: 12685
Of course there's no

Of course there's no difference between a Sparty and an inbred redneck. After all, they both only score with their Cousins.

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October 7th, 2010 at 9:46 AM
#11
Geaux_Blue
Geaux_Blue's picture
Joined: 01/26/2009
MGoPoints: 23708
Got two

From the makers of Glen Livet, comes Glen Winston, packs a punch and requires a couple tries before it bottoms out

What did Dantonio get when he ordered Dell into his office? A wide receiver and Detroit property

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October 7th, 2010 at 9:47 AM
#12
Fresh Meat
Fresh Meat's picture
Joined: 09/07/2009
MGoPoints: 1758
How do you keep a MSU athlete

How do you keep a MSU athlete from masturbating?
Paint his manhood maize and blue...he'll never beat it again!

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:03 AM
(Reply to #11) #13
CRex
CRex's picture
Joined: 09/28/2009
MGoPoints: 9002
To riff off that:

How do you keep the MSU Football team from beating up the co-eds?

Paint them....

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October 7th, 2010 at 9:48 AM
#14
Fresh Meat
Fresh Meat's picture
Joined: 09/07/2009
MGoPoints: 1758
A guy walks into a bar ...

and says, "Hey barkeep, did you ever hear the one about the Michigan State Spartans?" Four huge men stand up and approach the man. One of them says, "We play football at MSU, you wanna tell that joke to us?" The guy replies, "What? And have to explain it four times?"

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October 7th, 2010 at 9:49 AM
#15
Fresh Meat
Fresh Meat's picture
Joined: 09/07/2009
MGoPoints: 1758
This guy went into a store in East Lansing and said...

"I want a green outfit. I want a green jacket and green slacks. I want a green shirt and tie. I want green shoes and socks".

Clerk: "Are you a Michigan State graduate?"

Guy: "Yes, I am. How did you know?"

Clerk: "Because this is a hardware store."

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October 7th, 2010 at 9:52 AM
#16
WolverineWake
WolverineWake's picture
Joined: 10/01/2009
MGoPoints: 1028
What's the difference between

What's the difference between the reality TV shows of the early 2000's, and MSU?

All hype at the beginning of the season, but halfway through no one cares again.

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October 7th, 2010 at 9:57 AM
#17
Beaverline1077
Joined: 09/24/2009
MGoPoints: 100
Fist Pump

The only time you can see douche bags fold quicker than Sparty is when the Jersey Shore guys do their laundry.

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October 7th, 2010 at 9:57 AM
#18
wolverine2003
Joined: 01/29/2010
MGoPoints: 434
One of my favorites:

What do Michigan grads and MSU grads have in common?

If asked, both of them will state that they were accepted to U of M.

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:01 AM
(Reply to #17) #19
Flying Dutchman
Flying Dutchman's picture
Joined: 09/16/2009
MGoPoints: 4382
You might be looking for

You might be looking for "they ALL got in to Michigan State".

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:32 AM
(Reply to #18) #20
wolverine2003
Joined: 01/29/2010
MGoPoints: 434
I disagree . . .

I had plenty of friends at UM who didn't both applying to Sparty.

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:44 AM
(Reply to #32) #21
GVBlue86
GVBlue86's picture
Joined: 10/01/2009
MGoPoints: 3399
Huh? I think both should be

Huh?

I think both should be "bother." Yet this still makes no sense.

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October 7th, 2010 at 12:19 PM
(Reply to #34) #22
MGoScene
MGoScene's picture
Joined: 02/26/2009
MGoPoints: 625
Maybe "plenty" == 2.

Maybe "plenty" == 2.

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October 7th, 2010 at 11:40 AM
(Reply to #32) #23
mocomber
Joined: 07/14/2010
MGoPoints: 217
English, do you speak it?!

English, do you speak it?!

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:01 AM
#24
slipknot
slipknot's picture
Joined: 08/13/2009
MGoPoints: 132
Did you hear the one....

Where the MSU alum won a $50 gas card on 97.1?

It was worth $55 thanks to the employee discount...Ba...dum...bum....

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:04 AM
#25
Zak
Zak's picture
Joined: 10/15/2009
MGoPoints: 172
We tell this joke about

We tell this joke about Slippery Rock, but it works for MSU too.

How many MSU students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, but they get three credits for it.

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October 7th, 2010 at 11:42 AM
(Reply to #21) #26
RidiculousAssertion
RidiculousAssertion's picture
Joined: 05/22/2009
MGoPoints: 658
Don't you dare

insult Slippery Rock like that

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:06 AM
#27
JamesBondHerpesMeds
JamesBondHerpesMeds's picture
Joined: 04/13/2009
MGoPoints: 8031
What's the difference between

What's the difference between MSU's football team and Snooki?

One's an annoying, ugly thing that's shown on national TV once per week.

The other's Italian.

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:09 AM
#28
GoBlogSparty
GoBlogSparty's picture
Joined: 02/19/2010
MGoPoints: 986
A UM coed was walking along

A UM coed was walking along Packard Avenue in downtown AA with a goat on a leash.

A man across the street looks over and shouts, "Hey, where'd you get the pig?"

The coed responds, "It's not a pig!"

And the man says, "Shuddup, I was talking to the goat!"

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:14 AM
(Reply to #23) #29
JamesBondHerpesMeds
JamesBondHerpesMeds's picture
Joined: 04/13/2009
MGoPoints: 8031
you sure...

he wasn't walking on north campus?

OHHH BURN

/engineering alum

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:16 AM
(Reply to #24) #30
CRex
CRex's picture
Joined: 09/28/2009
MGoPoints: 9002
As a fellow engineering alum

As a fellow engineering alum I feel compelled to point out Biochem and some of the other biomedical engineering type areas are hot girl central.  

Now the EECS dating pool is a scary, scary place.  

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:22 AM
(Reply to #26) #31
JamesBondHerpesMeds
JamesBondHerpesMeds's picture
Joined: 04/13/2009
MGoPoints: 8031
Walking through the halls of

Walking through the halls of the b-school as a grad student was like discovering a precious, bleached blonde flower compared to campus del norte, however.

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:57 AM
(Reply to #26) #32
ituralde
Joined: 11/14/2009
MGoPoints: 515
No Joke

I've heard it said that finding girls in EECS is like finding parking spaces -

The good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped. 

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:18 AM
(Reply to #24) #33
GoBlogSparty
GoBlogSparty's picture
Joined: 02/19/2010
MGoPoints: 986
(No subject)

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:30 AM
(Reply to #23) #34
moredamnsound
moredamnsound's picture
Joined: 08/05/2010
MGoPoints: 2448
Somebody's got sand in their

Somebody's got sand in their vagina...

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:15 AM
#35
CRex
CRex's picture
Joined: 09/28/2009
MGoPoints: 9002
What do you call a MSU grad

What do you call a MSU grad who gets into the UM Medical School?

A cadaver.  

What is the only good thing in East Lansing?

The sign that says Ann Arbor 62 miles.

What's the most popular course at MSU?

Cliff's Notes vs Monarch Notes: 2 Views of the Classics

 

 


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October 8th, 2010 at 11:03 AM
(Reply to #25) #36
a2bluefan
a2bluefan's picture
Joined: 12/29/2008
MGoPoints: 2497
A slight revision, if I may...

Q: What's the only sign of intelligence in East Lansing?

A: The one that says Ann Arbor 62 miles.

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:19 AM
#37
BornInAA
BornInAA's picture
Joined: 11/21/2009
MGoPoints: 12362
What's

the first piece of equipment a Spartan player checks before running onto the field?

His ankle tether.

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:22 AM
#38
Super J
Super J's picture
Joined: 12/16/2008
MGoPoints: 1031
this one is old....

Why did the MSU athletic department decide to change thier football field from natural grass to field turf?

 

To keep their cheerleaders from grazing at half time.

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:39 AM
#39
papabear16
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 1362
Not a joke, but a true

Not a joke, but a true story.

I took the bar exam at Breslin during the summer of 2004.  I was wearing my Michigan baseball cap when I went up to the concession area for lunch.

When it was my turn, the guy behind the counter, all decked out in green Sparty gear, took my order for a burger, then said,

"You went to Michigan.  Dude, your school sucks.  [Pause.]  Oh, did you want fries with that?"

As I walked away laughing, one of his coworkers smacked him on the back of the head.  "Nice timing, genius.  He's taking the bar exam, and your'e getting him french fries."

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:50 AM
#40
FoundersFella
FoundersFella's picture
Joined: 08/19/2010
MGoPoints: 679
$50 says

Mike Valenti gives the gas card to himself and gives himself a big pat on the back. 

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:55 AM
#41
UMAmaizinBlue
UMAmaizinBlue's picture
Joined: 09/23/2009
MGoPoints: 21391
Let's Recycle A Classic

What's the difference between a Large Pizza and an MSU grad?

 

The Large Pizza can actually feed a family of four.

 

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October 7th, 2010 at 11:53 AM
(Reply to #36) #42
brachial
Joined: 01/17/2009
MGoPoints: 8
A little bit of a

A little bit of a change.

What is the difference between an MSU grad and a picnic table?

A picnic table can support a family of five.

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October 7th, 2010 at 10:56 AM
#43
WolverineDAH
Joined: 08/30/2009
MGoPoints: 38
# MSU Students to Screw in a Lighbulb?

No one knows...its a graduate level course.

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October 7th, 2010 at 11:16 AM
#44
GunnersApe
GunnersApe's picture
Joined: 11/19/2009
MGoPoints: 6663
an old one.

A Spartan family of football supporters head out one Saturday to do their Christmas shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up an Michigan jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Wolverine fan and I would like this for Christmas".

 His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to mother".

 Off goes the little lad with the Wolverine jersey in hand and finds his mother. "Mom?"

 "Yes son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be a Wolverine fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas". The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "Go talk to your father!"

 Off he goes with the Wolverine Jersey in hand and finds his father.

"Dad?"

 "Yes son?"

"I've decided I'm going to be an Wolverine fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas".

The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"

 About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says

"Son, I hope you've learned something today?"

 The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have."

"Good son, what is it?"

The son replies, "I've only been a Wolverine fan for an hour and I already hate you Spartan bastards."

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October 7th, 2010 at 11:28 AM
(Reply to #39) #45
CRex
CRex's picture
Joined: 09/28/2009
MGoPoints: 9002
I'd adopt kids.

I'd adopt that kid.

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October 7th, 2010 at 11:32 AM
#46
NYWolverine
NYWolverine's picture
Joined: 08/16/2008
MGoPoints: 1004
Got one.

A: How does Sparty motivate you to get off the couch?

Q: They light a fire under your ass.

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October 7th, 2010 at 11:41 AM
(Reply to #40) #47
FoundersFella
FoundersFella's picture
Joined: 08/19/2010
MGoPoints: 679
+1

for that Avatar...

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October 7th, 2010 at 11:45 AM
#48
maize_n_blue_ma...
maize_n_blue_mangroup's picture
Joined: 10/07/2010
MGoPoints: 4
Q: Why can't they hold a

Q: Why can't they hold a Christmas pageant at MSU?

A: Because they can't find three wise men or a virgin in East Lansing

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October 7th, 2010 at 11:58 AM
#49
JeepinBen
JeepinBen's picture
Joined: 01/22/2010
MGoPoints: 25475
Wikipedia knows

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Brother

 

Little Brother

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
 

Little Brother or little brother may refer to:

Contents

 [hide]

  • 1 Football
  • 2 Relationships
  • 3 Music
  • 4 Literature
  • 5 Other
  • 6 See also

[edit]Football

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  • Michigan State, not as good as big brother

 

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October 7th, 2010 at 11:59 AM
#50
Feat of Clay
Feat of Clay's picture
Joined: 08/10/2009
MGoPoints: 3698
Q.  How does an MSU coed turn

Q.  How does an MSU coed turn on the lights after having sex?

A.  She opens the car door.

 

Q.  Four MSU players are in a car.  Who is driving?

A.  The police.

A little boy and his mother were walking in a Michigan cemetary when they came
upon a headstone that read "Here lies an MSU graduate and an accomplished man."
The little boy asked, "Mommy, why did they bury 2 people in there?"

Did you hear about the big storm which caused a major power outage in East Lansing yesterday?  40 Spartan fans were stuck on the escalator for 3 hours.

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October 7th, 2010 at 12:29 PM
#51
mich12fan
mich12fan's picture
Joined: 07/04/2009
MGoPoints: 708
Top Ten Courses at MSU  10.

Top Ten Courses at MSU 
10. Philosophy: Why Don't They Spell It with an "F"?
9. Prelaw Seminar: Age of Consent in 50 States
8. Sandwich Making: A Project Course
7. Hand-Shadow Workshop
6. Subtraction: Addition's Tricky Friend
5. Cliff's Notes vs. Monarch Notes: 2 Views of the Classics
4. Hydraulic Principles of the Keg
3. The College Classroom: A Simulation
2. ABC's: An Extended Version
1. Your Ass from a Hole in the Ground: A Comparative Study

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