97.1 The Ticket is having a contest - best joke about MSU (or UM) wins a $50 gas card
To use a line from Monty Python:
We can't think of anything to call them that more offensive than Sparties.
What does M-S-U stand for?
Michigan Slaughtered Us
stole this from another board but:
Q: Where did OJ SImpson hide out when the authorities were looking for him?
A: East Lansing because thats the last place anyone would look for a Heisman trophy winner.
I thought MSU was the joke, not the subject of jokes?
How do you get an MSU grad off of your porch?
You pay for the pizza.
You pay for the pizza. Sadly this one works for every school. You need something specific to really zing them. Like how do you get a MSU student off the street? You have the riot squad deploy tear gas or something. It's early, i'm sure others can do better.
Some of these are a couple of days old, but just in review:
Who misses coach Dantonio the most since his heart attack?
The doughnut shop across from the Ingham County Jail.
It has been confirmed: One spartan football player has seen the inside of a classroom. Oh. It was just to steal laptops.
Now you know spartan fans are jealous of "The Big House", did you hear they're going to rename their parking structure-er-spartan stadium "The Halfway House"?
Quesion: Who can stop the Michigan State Spartans?
Answer: I dont know, but dont ask Ingham County Prosecutor Stuart Dunnings.
Did you hear what the spartan basketball team has been working on in the offseason? They've been practicing their "double team". Their "trap". Switching to "man on man" after they score. Avoiding "Lane violations"(not sure who this Lane girl is), and primarily working on their "defense".
Guy One says: "What is the difference between a State grad and an inbred-redneck?"
Guy Two answers: "There is a Difference?"
One more for the road:
Why did the guy put his MSU diploma in his windshield?
To prove he was handicapped.
Of course there's no difference between a Sparty and an inbred redneck. After all, they both only score with their Cousins.
From the makers of Glen Livet, comes Glen Winston, packs a punch and requires a couple tries before it bottoms out
What did Dantonio get when he ordered Dell into his office? A wide receiver and Detroit property
How do you keep a MSU athlete from masturbating?
Paint his manhood maize and blue...he'll never beat it again!
How do you keep the MSU Football team from beating up the co-eds?
and says, "Hey barkeep, did you ever hear the one about the Michigan State Spartans?" Four huge men stand up and approach the man. One of them says, "We play football at MSU, you wanna tell that joke to us?" The guy replies, "What? And have to explain it four times?"
"I want a green outfit. I want a green jacket and green slacks. I want a green shirt and tie. I want green shoes and socks".
Clerk: "Are you a Michigan State graduate?"
Guy: "Yes, I am. How did you know?"
Clerk: "Because this is a hardware store."
What's the difference between the reality TV shows of the early 2000's, and MSU?
All hype at the beginning of the season, but halfway through no one cares again.
The only time you can see douche bags fold quicker than Sparty is when the Jersey Shore guys do their laundry.
What do Michigan grads and MSU grads have in common?
If asked, both of them will state that they were accepted to U of M.
You might be looking for "they ALL got in to Michigan State".
I had plenty of friends at UM who didn't both applying to Sparty.
Where the MSU alum won a $50 gas card on 97.1?
It was worth $55 thanks to the employee discount...Ba...dum...bum....
We tell this joke about Slippery Rock, but it works for MSU too.
How many MSU students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, but they get three credits for it.
insult Slippery Rock like that
What's the difference between MSU's football team and Snooki?
One's an annoying, ugly thing that's shown on national TV once per week.
The other's Italian.
A UM coed was walking along Packard Avenue in downtown AA with a goat on a leash.
A man across the street looks over and shouts, "Hey, where'd you get the pig?"
The coed responds, "It's not a pig!"
And the man says, "Shuddup, I was talking to the goat!"
he wasn't walking on north campus?
As a fellow engineering alum I feel compelled to point out Biochem and some of the other biomedical engineering type areas are hot girl central.
Now the EECS dating pool is a scary, scary place.
Walking through the halls of the b-school as a grad student was like discovering a precious, bleached blonde flower compared to campus del norte, however.
I've heard it said that finding girls in EECS is like finding parking spaces -
The good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Somebody's got sand in their vagina...
What do you call a MSU grad who gets into the UM Medical School?
What is the only good thing in East Lansing?
The sign that says Ann Arbor 62 miles.
What's the most popular course at MSU?
Cliff's Notes vs Monarch Notes: 2 Views of the Classics
Q: What's the only sign of intelligence in East Lansing?
A: The one that says Ann Arbor 62 miles.
the first piece of equipment a Spartan player checks before running onto the field?
His ankle tether.
Why did the MSU athletic department decide to change thier football field from natural grass to field turf?
To keep their cheerleaders from grazing at half time.
Not a joke, but a true story.
I took the bar exam at Breslin during the summer of 2004. I was wearing my Michigan baseball cap when I went up to the concession area for lunch.
When it was my turn, the guy behind the counter, all decked out in green Sparty gear, took my order for a burger, then said,
"You went to Michigan. Dude, your school sucks. [Pause.] Oh, did you want fries with that?"
As I walked away laughing, one of his coworkers smacked him on the back of the head. "Nice timing, genius. He's taking the bar exam, and your'e getting him french fries."
Mike Valenti gives the gas card to himself and gives himself a big pat on the back.
What's the difference between a Large Pizza and an MSU grad?
The Large Pizza can actually feed a family of four.
A little bit of a change.
What is the difference between an MSU grad and a picnic table?
A picnic table can support a family of five.
No one knows...its a graduate level course.
A Spartan family of football supporters head out one Saturday to do their Christmas shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up an Michigan jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Wolverine fan and I would like this for Christmas".
His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to mother".
Off goes the little lad with the Wolverine jersey in hand and finds his mother. "Mom?"
"I've decided I'm going to be a Wolverine fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas". The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "Go talk to your father!"
Off he goes with the Wolverine Jersey in hand and finds his father.
"I've decided I'm going to be an Wolverine fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas".
The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"
About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says
"Son, I hope you've learned something today?"
The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have."
"Good son, what is it?"
The son replies, "I've only been a Wolverine fan for an hour and I already hate you Spartan bastards."
I'd adopt that kid.
A: How does Sparty motivate you to get off the couch?
Q: They light a fire under your ass.
for that Avatar...
Q: Why can't they hold a Christmas pageant at MSU?
A: Because they can't find three wise men or a virgin in East Lansing
Little Brother or little brother may refer to:
Q. How does an MSU coed turn on the lights after having sex?
A. She opens the car door.
Q. Four MSU players are in a car. Who is driving?
A. The police.
A little boy and his mother were walking in a Michigan cemetary when they came
upon a headstone that read "Here lies an MSU graduate and an accomplished man."
The little boy asked, "Mommy, why did they bury 2 people in there?"
Did you hear about the big storm which caused a major power outage in East Lansing yesterday? 40 Spartan fans were stuck on the escalator for 3 hours.
Top Ten Courses at MSU
10. Philosophy: Why Don't They Spell It with an "F"?
9. Prelaw Seminar: Age of Consent in 50 States
8. Sandwich Making: A Project Course
7. Hand-Shadow Workshop
6. Subtraction: Addition's Tricky Friend
5. Cliff's Notes vs. Monarch Notes: 2 Views of the Classics
4. Hydraulic Principles of the Keg
3. The College Classroom: A Simulation
2. ABC's: An Extended Version
1. Your Ass from a Hole in the Ground: A Comparative Study