FWIW: "A Michigan Football VIP and my waiter friend"

...you ran into a guy you used to do time with and he said nothing.  Well I am overfuckingwehlmed. 

My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night.

I guess it's pretty serious.

That was the Ohio of posts.

WTF is wrong with me?

This is quite possibly the dumbest thing I've ever read -- and yet i'm still intensely curious for you to decipher it for me.

ooooh disjointed and likely unrelated quotes spoken by a mysterious "VVIP", overheard by a waiter! Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

As a former waiter, maybe they quieted down because their waiter was walking up, not because they were sharing super secret coaching plans over dinner.  Just food for thought.

More importantly, I gotta set something straight about these "VIP"s.  I work in UM development.  I have met literally hundreds of big-name donors, alumni, athletes, etc.  Every single one of them has an opinion about the football program, and every single one of them likes telling anyone who will listen.  Moreover, every single one of them thinks they have the special attention of Dave Brandon and Mary Sue Coleman.  Why?  Because it's DB's and MSC's job to make the donors and other "VIPs" feel like they have input and that they have special access.  If they do, it makes them want to give more money.

However, with incredibly rare exceptions, none of them either know what is really going on nor do they have any actual say in this process.  Just because they are rich or are prominent in the Michigan community, it doesn't mean anything.  People like to think that because some rich donor talks a big game with a lot of confidence it means they have some inside information.  They don't. 

UM does a good job in making them FEEL important, but they have no more say and no more information than the average fan.  They just get better seats.

.. I tell everyone I meet in chicago im a VIP

I stopped reading after learning about the jovial men. Wtf is that anyway. Guys in tights and pointy hats?

JJ: And now with an update on the coaching situation, here's reporter TC

TC: I was working as a waiter the other day at a local establishment, just seeing how the other half lives.  Who did I happen to serve but a very very VIP in Michigan football history.  I kept tellin him I had other customers to serve, but every time I came to the table, he'd ask me for my opinion. After giving away my wisdom the better part of three hours, finally they let me go.

What did he ask me?  First, he wanted to know whether Jose Cuervo was top shelf drink.  Maybe where he comes from, but in the circles I travel, it's Comisario Blanco at a minimum.  And then only if the Don Pierogi has been polished off.

So I go get him his cheap Jose Cuervo, and next he wants to know which of Evan Smotrycz or Tim Hardaway Jr. was going to be a better player.  Please. I've played 'em both and shut 'em both down.  While knockin down all 11 buckets for my pickup team's win.  Meh, neither is as good as me.

Then this dude said something like  "I always said, You don't win with one player and you don't lose with one player, but what they've done with that young man...."  I don't know WTF he meant by that.

Anyway, I came away with a very strong, favorable impression of this man.  He was friendly, engaging, and down to earth. As well as his friends. And, toobad he didn't know I was a multi-billionaire, cause he tipped well too.  I guess if I was a true workin stiff I woulda appreciated it.  He said upon approaching the table at one point the name "Bushmills 1608", but they quieted down when he came up.  Couldn't afford it I guess, but not everybody can be me.

JJ: So TC, how's the coaching evaluation going?

TC: Oh, it's smooth...

showed me the real scoop!

Ultimately I decided to report in this sophomoric cryptic way because I think many mgoblog readers might read the tea leaves and have some idea of what is going on here.

that I read this post. I wish life had a rewind button.

Man, I wish I could have back the precious few seconds it took to read that post.

Jesus, I can't wait til basketball season.

Wait.........WHAT?!?!?!?!

That VIP was me.  And seriously, we were just trying to get some gelato for dessert.  Your friend, who I might add is a bit flighty, kept gliding up to our table silently like a f'ing ninja.  It was getting annoying as hell so we started saying Harbaugh randomly to get him to show up and take our order.

He probably hates us because the tip we gave him was, "don't believe everything you think you might have heard."

Useless is what this thread was. It gives us no more or less information than we had before we read it. Without specifics of who these "VIP's" were we cannot take anything in said conversation as being rock solid at all. Being vague gains you no respect or credibility.

ko·an   [koh-ahn]
–noun, plural -ans, -an. Zen .
a nonsensical or paradoxical question to a student for which an answer is demanded, the stress of meditation on the question often being illuminating.
Compare mondo.

Origin:
1945–50; < Japn kōan, earlier koũ-an < MChin, equiv. to Chin gōngàn public proposal

To be honest, I love these threads.  Somebody knows someone who knows a guy who overheard what someone was typing about but he can't say who his friend is (as if any of us know or care who the friend is or what restaurant he works at and as if that would make a difference).

It's all hilarious.  Useless, completely uselss, but hilarious nonetheless.  I say keep 'em coming.