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I know this was done at least once before, but it was awhile ago and I just re-watched the HBO special on the Michigan-OSU rivalry and the jokes at the end made me laugh. I particularly like the one about the kids in third grade:
Q: A Michigan kid and an Ohio kid are in the third grade. Who is bigger?
A: The Ohio kid. He is 16.
What's the difference between a Michigan education and an OSU education?
You actually learn something besides how to crumble under pressure at Michigan
What happens when a blonde moves from Michigan to Ohio?
Both states get smarter
Why do OSU grads hang their diplomas from their rear view mirrors?
So they can park in the handicapped spaces.
Jolly good show.
Guess everyone has heard that one already...
q: what's the only sign of intelligent life in columbus?
a: Ann Arbor: 187 miles
Terrelle Pryor!
Columbus. South til you smell it. East til you step in it.
Theirs says: Ann Arbor - North until you smell it, West until you step in it.
Of course, they'd drown in Lake Erie en route.
I'm guessing they don't have a cartography section at the library. Buster Bluth would be devastated.
I loved that documentary. I liked how that old Michigan fan was peeling on that younger OSU fan when it came to the jokes at the end.
An oldie but goodie:
An OSU alum and a UM alum are standing next to each other in the men's room. The UM grad finishes first and heads for the door. The OSU grad says, "At the Ohio State University, they teach us to wash our hands after we use the bathroom."
Unimpressed, the UM alum says, "At the University of Michigan, they teach us not to piss on our hands."
GO BLUE!
What is 100 yards long and has 2 front teeth?
The front row at Ohio Stadium.
I like a good buckeye joke, but I don't find that much humor in the ones that you can just fill out X school and Y school for any two schools in the country.
Is this supposed to be a contribution to the post?
You'll have to forgive me if I mess this up but i tried to remember it to the best of my memory.
A car rear ends another on a back country road. The driver who caused the accident gets out of the car and starts to apologize when he notices the other driver is an OSU Alum. He then states he is a Michigan alum and they start to argue. Finally the Michigan alum goes to the back of his car and pulls out a bottle of Jack Daniels and states they should bury the hatchet and start anew while they wait for the cops and the tow truck to come. The OSU alum thinks for a minute and then agrees. The Michigan man states that it would be only right for the OSU fan to take the first drink since he was the one who was hit. The OSU alum thanks him and proceeds to chug half the bottle. He wipes his mouth and offers the bottle back. At that time the Michigan fan takes the bottle and chucks it way off the road and tells him that drinking and driving is a hell of a mistake one should stay away from.
Go Blue
Punch line mega fail.
The joke is told correctly as follows:
A Michigan fan and Ohio State fan are in a car accident. They get out of their cars, but instead of arguing, the Michigan fan apologizes and says, "My fault. I'm really sorry." The Ohio State fan says, "No no, I wasn't paying attention. It's my fault." The Michigan fan says, "You know, it's great that a Michigan fan and Ohio State fan can get over their differences like this. I have an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels in the trunk. Let's open it and drink to friendship and cooperation." The Ohio State fan agrees, and so the Michigan fan pours him a large stiff drink, which the Ohio State fan promptly downs in one swig. But the Michigan fan doesn't have one, and the Ohio State fan says, "Aren't you going to have one too?" Michigan fan says, "No, I think I'll wait til after the cops show up."
Better joke:
Why don't they have ice on the sidelines at Ohio State games? The guy who had the recipe graduated.
Like I said, I couldn't remember it. Thanks for doing it correctly.
Buckeye walks into the Varsity Club the night before The Game and says to the Bartender, “I’m feeling good about tomorrow and I want a beer – but nothing from St. Louis or Milwaukee.”
Bartender says, “Between you and me and the bar stool, the best beer I got in the house is a smooth pale lager – smuggled in from across the border.” Then he whispers, “It’s Wolverine Beer. Wanna try it?”
Buckeye immediately goes livid. “You’re outta your mind! Last time I tipped back a Wolverine I couldn’t stop till the tenth one. Then I went home blew chunks!”
Bartender says, “Dude, you put back ten of anything and you’re gonna feel wrong.”
Buckeye says, “You don’t understand. Chunks is my Rottweiler.”
No, Chunks is me!
Reading this blog for years, but finally registered for this thread so I could post the only joke I know.
Q: How many OSU students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but he gets 3 credits for it.
One, but he gets three credits and a thousand dollars for it.
For that punchline, you also need to update the question:
Q: How many OSU student athletes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Q: How many Ohio State freshmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. It's an upper-level course.
With prerequisites.
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Buckeye joke?" The guy replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I am 6' tall, 200 lbs. and I am an Ohio State Graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2," 225 lbs. and he is an Ohio State Graduate. The guy right next to him is 6'5", 250 lbs. and he is also an Ohio State Graduate. Now, you still wanna tell me that joke?" The first guy says, "No, not if I'm going to have to explain it three times"
Two Ohio State football players were hootin' and hollerin' while partying on campus when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took them two months. "Two months?!" exclaimed the bartender. The Buckeye proudly replied, "Yeah, the box said 4 - 6 years!"
Ok last one for now:
Coaches Jim Tressel and Lloyd Carr are walking down the beach talking about the rivalry between Ohio State and Michigan. As they are walking, Lloyd trips over something in the sand. Upon closer inspection it turns out to be a genie's lamp. "Who disturbs me?" asked the genie. Jim and Lloyd both say they did. "You will each get one wish," said the genie. Jim offers to go first. "I want an impenetrable wall built around the entire state of Ohio so that none of those stupid Michiganians can ever get in. I want it as far down into the ground as it is high and I want it to be completely sealed in so that we can finally have our peace!" The genie grants the wish to Jim and
he is instantly whisked away to his new paradise. The genie now tells Lloyd he'll grant him one wish. Lloyd says, "Fill it up with water."
but I like it regardless...
A buckeye fan and spartan fan are walking through the woods when they come across a set of tracks.
"Those are deer tracks" states the buckeye fan.
"Clearly, those are from a dog" argues the spartan fan.
"No way, definitely from a deer"
"You're crazy, those are dog tracks"
"deer", "dog", "deer", "dog" they argued.
Finally a train hit them.
How many Sparties does it take to to change a light bulb?
1001 - 1 to change it and 1000 to burn a couch and riot over it!
Why aren't OSU cheerleaders allowed to do splits?
They stick to the ground.
Why does the wind blow South in Michigan?
Ohio sucks
Why don't the Great Lakes flood Michigan?
Ohio sucks.
When Bo got to heaven St. Peter met him immediately and said, "God would like to see you!". He followed St. Peter and saw God standing with Woody Hayes. God said "now that you're both here, I want to show you where you'll be spending all eternity." He takes them to the first place and it's a beautiful home all decked out in Scarlett and Grey. Everything an Ohio State fan would want. Woody looks across the street and notices a house 3 times the size of his full of Maize and Blue. Woody asks God "Why does Bo get a house that so much bigger?" God replied "That's my house..."
at halftime to dot the h?
Drool.
Did you hear about the power outage at Ohio State's library?
~A dozen students were stuck on the escalator for several hours.
Did you hear about the fire at Ohio State's library?
~Both books were destroyed. And what's worse, one of them hadn't even been colored in yet.
Did you hear about the power outage at the Columbus mall last week? 20 Ohio State students were stuck on the escalator for 2 hours.
Edit: Damn beat by a hair
Q: How do you make Ohio State cookies?
A: Put them in a big bowl and beat for three hours.
Q: Did you hear about the bus full of OSU fans that got hit by a train?
A: Who cares?
Q: Why do OSU students wear hats all the time?
A: So they know which end to wipe.
Q: What do you get when you drive through Columbus really slow?
A: A degree.
Q: How many pallbearers are needed for a Buckeye funeral?
A: Two: One for each of the garbage can's handles.
Q: What's the difference between Ohio State's football stadium and a porcupine?
A: With the stadium, all the pricks are on the inside.
Q: You're stranded on a deserted island with three people: a cannibal, a mass murderer, and a guy in an Ohio State hat. You have a gun with only two bullets remaining. Whom do you shoot?
A: The Ohio State guy. Twice.
Alt version:
Q: You're stranded on a deserted island with a disgusting pedophile, a violent thug, and an Ohio State fan. You have a gun with only two bullets remaining. Whom do you shoot?
A: What's the dilemma? It's all the same dude.
Q: Why did Woody Hayes leave Michigan Stadium early?
A: So he could beat the crowd.
This one was a Bob Ufer favorite:
"Let's not forget that O-H-I-O is still a four-letter word."
why does it always take at least two of them to spell it?
OH-IO...loudly screamed at any event...I've even heard it at funerals...perhaps it's some sort of mating call to avoid tainting of the normal gene pool...
Q: What's a Buckeye?
A: A nut that always cracks under pressure.
(act like someone's said a "too soon" type of joke)
Didn't you hear about [insert name of random OSU LB]? The guy almost died, have some respect [yada yada] He was horseback riding and fell off... he would've been trampled to death if the Walmart greeter didn't pull the plug in time.
probably doesn't translate well through the internets, but oh well.
Also
How do you keep Ohio State's football team off your lawn?
Paint it to look like an SEC endzone.
The second one is great. Nicely done.
because ohio sucks.
A first grade teacher in Columbus asked all her students that were Buckeye fans to raise their hands. Everyone in the room except one little boy raised his hand.
"Young man, if you're not a Buckeye fan, what are you?"
"Im a Wolverine fan."
The teacher then asked why.
"Well, my dad is a Wolverine fan, my mom is a Wolverine fan, so I'm a Wolverine fan!"
"Just because your parents are Wolverine fans doesn't mean you have to be. What if you Mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot?"
"Then I'd be a Buckeye fan!"
Q: How do you get an Ohio State Alum off your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza!
I know it's terrible, but know one posted it yet...
Nice joke, but there is great irony in your spelling.
So there's an expedition to Mount Everest and representatives from all of the Big Ten schools go.
Once they get to the top, the representative from Northwestern goes "Wow, it's really great that a guy from my school has made it all of the way here and I have to show the world my love for Northwestern," so he shouts "Go Wildcats!" at the top of his lungs and the noise echos off of the mountains and travels a great distance.
Then, the representative from Michigan State, in a drunken stupor, pushes the guy from Northwestern aside and goes off on a tangent about how nobody cares about Northwestern and how Michigan State is the best school in the Big Ten and how he's finally going to one-up the Wolverines one and for all. So he takes a running start and throws himself off of the side of the mountain, screaming "SPARTY ON!" as he plummets to his death.
After this stunning display, everybody looks at the representative from Michigan, wondering how he's going to preserve Michigan's honor. Finally, the Michigan guy shouts "GO BLUE!" and pushes the representative from Ohio State off of the side of the mountain.
Why do people choose such horrible music for these videos? Anyways, there are some good ones in here
Ah I know this is an old thread, but this is better than starting a new one...
Why don't you want to drive through Columbus with your windows down?
-They'll throw a degree in
Here about the OSU library burning down?
-Terrible because the football team only colored in 3 of the books
Tressel only dressed 20 players for The Game... the rest had to dress themselves
My little girl's favorite
The sign above our downstairs toilet:
Flush Twice, It's a long way to Columbus.
OH........IO
OH........IO
WE ARE........SO SMART
WE CAN........SPELL STUFF
IF WE ........WORK TOGETHER
OH........IO
OH........IO
This is an excellent joke when told correctly. This is not that version.
An ohio fan and a MICHIGAN fan, happen upon a tragic scene, a dead body on the side of the road. Both call 9-1-1. Both get out of their cars and see a the victim is a female who is dead and unclothed, lying on her back. After a short conversation, out of respect, the Michigan fan places is scarf over her chest and the ohio fan places his hat over her lower body. The Sherrif arrives and takes a closer look at the crime scene. As he inspects the body he removes the scarf, inspects, quickly and replaces the scarf. Then he moves the hat. He stares at what he see's at length,all the while shaking his head. Finally the Michigan fan speaks up and asks for decency sake for him to replace the hat, he does. When the Michigan fan asks what the big deal was, why he had examined under the hat so long, the Sherrif replies--" It's just that in 20 years on the job the ONLY thing I've ever found under an Ohio State hat is an asshole."
