Every Defensive Back goes Blue

Every defensive back in 2011 class commits to Michigan Wolverines –

                        Making a decisive statement in the never ending game of college football recruiting, sources today confirmed swirling reports that over two hundred of the nation’s finest, most mediocre and poorest defensive backfield high school seniors have committed to play football for the University of Michigan Wolverines in their 2011 recruiting class. Due to time constraints, only ¼ of those commits could be contacted for personal confirmation.

                        The unprecedented signing is rivaled only by Alabama Crimson Tide coach Nick Saban’s 2010 class, wherein the reigning national champion school was able to sign the entire south east, including athletes from other sports, parents and grandparents of those athletes, and  their nerdy, grungy, or otherwise non-athletic siblings, despite having only four scholarships to give out. According to Michigan coach Brady Hoke, no scholarship trickery or flim-flam was necessary in this case.

                        “We were able to get the first ten or so normally, with pretty much guaranteed early playing time, because well… I mean, you saw our 2010 defensive backfield. Ouch.  It was about that point that I had an epiphany”, Coach Hoke reports. “We need to have a vastly improved defense, and we want to institute a downfield passing game. Well, those are both easy to accomplish if we’re the only team with any DB’s.”

                        One defensive recruit clarified his reasoning.

                        “At first I was uncertain (about playing in such a crowded backfield)”, reports a Knoxville area 3-star commit. “Plus, they didn’t have a scholarship for me. But then I realized, “I don’t want to be the ONLY guy out there trying to defend against Denard Robinson.” Added the player, “Plus they’ve got the guy that coordinated for Charles Woodson, so you know that’s good.”

                        As hinted at by Coach Hoke, Offensive Coordinator Al Borges had input on the effect this would have on the Michigan offensive plan in a phone interview.

                        “We’re going to put our receivers at the sticks on the sideline and throw to them.” After 15 second of silence, Borges continued. “What? That’s it. That is our play book. There are no opposing cornerbacks or safeties. Do you have a better suggestion?”

                        Even the administration seems in full support of this novel move.

                        “When I spoke about wanting to get a coach with a defensive mindset, I wasn’t kidding”, said Michigan Athletic Director Dave Brandon. “Brady Hoke was the only candidate that seemed to ‘get it’, and I am very proud and pleased with his novel approach. I am sure that our new cavalcade of student athletes will acquit themselves well and do the University of Michigan proud.”

                        The strategy has caught on with other top national coaches, who are already pursuing the class of 2012 and beyond. Head Coach Mark Dantonio and Michigan State University, well known for claiming to better represent the state of Michigan because they allegedly recruit better there, have announced plans to recruit the entire state of Michigan for the class of 2012.

                        “It might not really help us on the field at all”, said Coach Dantonio, “but it will make U of M sorta, kinda look bad from a certain perspective, and that’s always our number one goal.”

                        USC Head Coach Lane Kiffin, meanwhile, is embracing a different take on the same strategy.

                        “We’re not looking at a position or a location so much as a year. Yes sir, the class of 2021 is looking really, really fine to us, and we’re hoping to wrap up the complete set of commitments sometime later this month or in early February.”