MICHIGAN (University of Michigan, preseason #7; Michigan State Spartans, preseason #13)
Nothing you wouldn't expect from the Mitten: a distant sunrise scene of the state's founder, Sasquatch*, held up by two stags without opposable thumbs. The implication is that the state of Michigan fantasizes about being the Lucky Pierre between two ten point bucks. If that's what you need, Michigan, we're not judging. (Neither would the spirit of your furry, misunderstood, and very shy founder.)
*Or Brian Cook. They're hard to tell apart, and similar in habits.
WHAT THIS SAYS ABOUT YOUR FOOTBALL TEAM: We have no goddamn clue. It's two deer about to mount a vintage TUEBOR BEER clock with Sasquatch on it. You figure that shit out, demented peninsulars**.
**It's supposed to be an elk and a moose, and Tuebor means "I will defend." We'll write that here before someone actually and really assumes we didn't look this up."