Denard to start at Quarterback, Cornerback, Drum Major

I present, to the MGoBlog community, late-breaking information: Denard Robinson will be your starter at quarterback, as suspected by many.  Also, he will also be starting at cornerback, bringing his much needed speed and dreadlockiness to that position.  He will additionally be leading the famed Michigan Marching band in pre-game, halftime, and postgame performances.

Perhaps you are wondering how one man can effectively perform three seperate high energy roles to maximum effect during the course of one afternoon.  Perhaps you are wondering how a player can discuss defensive adjustments with the coaches whilst simultaneously scrambling for first downs.  Perhaps you find it unlikely that one man can lead the band in "The Victors" as he runs down the tunnel onto the field.  The answer is simple: Time Travel.

It is a well known fact that one can travel backwards in time simply by travelling at sufficiently ridiculous speeds (source: Star Trek IV, Superman [1978 version], etc).  It is an equally well known fact that Mr. Robinson is capable of reaching such speeds.  Armed with that knowledge, the plan becomes obvious: Denard plays through a game at quarterback.  After the game, he begins to run around the earth or sun or something at tremendous speed, eventually arriving at the previous Thursday.  He then takes Friday off to relax and recooperate, and then plays the game again on Saturday, this time at cornerback.  At the conclusion of his second time through the game, he then travels backwards once more, arriving far enough back in time to participate in the MMB's final walkthrough before their Saturday performance.  At the end of the game, he bids his two previous selves goodbye before they travel back in time themselves (thus preserving space-time continuity) and then resumes his daily life.

Now, I suppose at this point you may be doubting my credibility.  You may think I am a liar, or insane.  I assure you that this is not the case, and I can offer proof that Denard Robinson has in fact been engaging in time travel.  Find a copy of the Bayeux Tapestry (the famous, 1000-year old length of embroidered cloth depicting the Norman invasion of England).  Look closely, and you will notice a maize-clad bedreadlocked warrior juking a Norman footman right out of his chainmail.  The warrior's purpose is unknown but his identity is clear.  Do you see it?  It's sort of in the middle of the tapestry.  On the back.  Still not convinced?  Pull up the footage of earth taken from the moon by the Apollo 17 crew.  Look at the terminator (the dividing line between day and night) and you will notice an inexplicable streak of light moving across the globe at tremendous speed.  Magnify the image and you will note that the streak is not wearing shoelaces.  Don't see it?  I don't know, maybe you need to adjust the resolution of your monitor.  On that date in 1972, Denard Robinson travelled back in time to prevent the second attack on Pearl Harbor, which would ignite World War III.  I don't want to reopen any old, alternate reality-based wounds by telling you who launched the attack.  Okay, fine.  It was Canada.

Now, before you get your hopes up for an undefeated season and a national championship, I must mention that there is an inherent drawback to this system.  As each trip back in time alters the space-time continuum, Denard cannot predict the future with total accuracy in spite of having previously lived in it.  This was tragically confirmed during last year's UM-MSU football game.  If you load up the game from your TIVO or whatever you have, at one point you can clearly see Denard Robinson confidently whispering to the Space Emporer that a fake punt will "definitely work here".  Nevertheless, remain confident that all your zone-reading, pass-breaking-up, and bending-over-backwards-and-touching-your-head-to-the-turf duties will be expertly handled by Michigan's own dilithium-powered chrononaut.