Completely OT: Your thoughts on Father teaches Daughter Facebook Lesson?

Submitted by StephenRKass on

So, here's something completely off topic. My header and this sentence are to warn you:  if you want to read about Michigan or Sports, this thread is definitely not for you. Please go back to the board to look for the latest on Akron State or new 4 star recruit hello posts.

However, this post kind of meets OT criteria:

  • It isn't politics.
  • It isn't religion.
  • It isn't bewbz or Kate Upton GIFs.
  • It is definitely in the public forum.
  • We're in the middle of the Off Season, when Off Topic threads aren't verboten.

I'm curious the opinions of the mgoreadership on the Viral youtube Facebook Parenting: For the Troubled Teen. It has already topped 30,000,000 hits, so it has hit a chord somewhere.

If I was more computer savvy, I could do one of those fancy polls. But I'm not that savvy. I'd love to hear your take on this. If you haven't heard about it, or have been living under a rock, or are too lazy to click on the thread, here's the skinny. A dad in North Carolina takes to youtube to refute a Facebook post from his daughter about how mean her parents are. He finishes the video by taking a 45 and putting 9 hollow tip slugs through her laptop.

According to the Chicago Tribune, there is a cultural divide between those who think the dad is a kook, and those who think he is a refreshing throwback.

I think that's too simplistic. But as I was thinking of the freethinkers at UofM, I couldn't help wonder where they would fall.

To make this easy, I'd ask just one simple identifier:  are you under or over the age of 21?

Moleskyn

February 21st, 2012 at 2:31 PM ^

I'm over 21, with no kids. The dad crossed a line. I don't really care about the gun, I care about the publicity of the whole thing. He didn't have to go put the video on YouTube.

It seems like this wasn't an isolated incident in their relationship, and I understand that, over time, bitterness and resentment can build up if conflict is not dealt with healthily, and that can lead to overreactions. From the outside looking in, it seems to me that this is what's going on. That's not an excuse for him to do this, though. She made her complaints public and humiliated her parents on Facebook, but if he's going to be an effective model of grace and forgiveness, he shouldn't respond by publicly humiliating her.

What's your take on it, SRK?

Brimley

February 21st, 2012 at 2:45 PM ^

and you hit the nail on the head.  You want a kid to turn on you for certain?  Call them out loudly and in public.  You can be strict and give valuable life lessons without resorting to youtube.  Remember how we all made fun of/chastised Brian Kelly for turning purple at a kid who had the audacity to fuck up a football play?  Same thing, no?

ryebreadboy

February 21st, 2012 at 2:31 PM ^

Meh, you do what you do.  Agree that shooting the laptop is a little excessive.  That said, she wouldn't have one for quite awhile if I'd found her doing this, as it'd be locked in my room.  Kids say stupid things.  Should you punish her?  Probably, yes, if only on the grounds that you really shouldn't talk crap about your family to randoms that you barely know.  But his is definitely an less-than-classy overreaction.  That said, he's got 30 million hits, so if he was doing it for attention, it worked.  I bet he has been (or will be) invited to talk shows, as well.  So his little temper tantrum made him some money.  Doubt he regrets it.

27, don't have kids.

ken725

February 21st, 2012 at 2:33 PM ^

If he really wanted to prove a point he should set the laptop at a further distance. Anyone can look like a tough guy at point blank range.

In all seriousness, it is his choice to deal with it in that manner, I just would have responded differently. Im only 23 so what do I know about raising kids.

Rabbit21

February 21st, 2012 at 2:33 PM ^

Over 21 and a parent, but of toddlers, not of teens.  I know how crazy kids can drive you(but again have no idea what teens can do which I imagine is orders of magnitude greater than what my four year old is capable of).  Still, this strikes me as silly and overdramatic in all phases and likely to backfire as I can't see his daughter reacting to this by going, "ah now I see the error of my ways."

I'm as much a fuddy duddy as anyone else and I do think this latest generation is "different" in terms of expectations of reward for effort, but as muchas I want to tell this guy "Good Job!"  I just can't.

The gun thing bugs me only in that it was overkill, beyond that the laptop was on the ground and over dirt so there wasn't going to be ricochet and he didn't waive the gun around, he used it for it's purpose and then put it away.  I know people are scared of guns, but his actual handling didn't strike me as irresponsible.

Quail2theVict0r

February 21st, 2012 at 2:34 PM ^

I personally think it's funny.

But from a parenting standpoint all he did was bring the fight to a teenage level. If you, as the parent, at like a teenager you're going to get the exact same back from your kid. You have to act like a parent.

With that said, I don't really care. He can do with his kid what he wants but after some 30,000,000+ people have seen her dad embarrass her on youtube and national TV, I'm guessing she isn't sticking around long after she turns 18 and their relationship is probably ruined.

lunchboxthegoat

February 21st, 2012 at 2:41 PM ^

I'm over 21 and have been a parent for all of 7 months. This guy is a complete lunatic. There are ways to discipline your children that don't involve firearms, many of them. There are ways to deal with disobedient/disrespectful teens, shooting their laptop isn't one of them. Take it away or revoke her internet access, something that fits the punishment. Right now you've set a precedent that lunatic behavior is acceptable. If you react like a complete nutjob to your kids screwups they're going to act like a lunatic to your behavior (I would imagine especially when it comes to behavior that affects theirs). To me, he just amplified the problem, didn't fix it. I'm sure she threw a temperatantrum...and i'm sure in the future her reactions to discipline from her parents won't be one of disappointment or regret for doing wrong but rather an outburst unwarranted reaction becausse that's the expectation now. 

jimt1023

February 21st, 2012 at 2:45 PM ^

He just screams drama queen to me.  I mean, why discipline your daughter in such a public manner.  I think he is just trying to get some attention for himself.  I also don’t see any way that this parenting method is effective.  I know if I was a teenager and my father tried to discipline me using a viral you tube video, I would be infuriated and absolutely not respond to anything he was trying to say.

Also, as a former member of the military, I take gun safety pretty seriously.  I don’t think I would classify that as an acceptable use of a firearm.     

htownwolverine

February 21st, 2012 at 2:46 PM ^

1. Put the laptop away somewhere in a place (like work) where the child cannot find the damn thing.

2. Make the child do chores, rake, wash etc. - i.e. extra mean things.

3. Hold firm until designated chores or whatever (make it meaningful) are done.

4. If child is not a complete brat, the work will get done and the child can issue an apology on facebook. *

5. Laptop given back.

*. If the child is a complete brat, make the child delete her facebook account, backup any homework on laptop and rewrite hard drive.

MaizeAndBlueWahoo

February 21st, 2012 at 3:01 PM ^

Most of that stuff had already been done.  It didn't get the message across.  She'd already lost her laptop privileges, etc.  Plus, I see a lot of people saying that he shouldn't have taken it to a public forum like that - what's the difference between that and forcing her to apologize on Facebook?  Wouldn't that be more humiliating?

StephenRKass

February 21st, 2012 at 2:48 PM ^

My take? They're both wrong. However, I would say the father is more in the wrong, for some of the same reasons I sometimes see in posts about recruits and coaches. Namely, you expect the adult to act like an adult, and use childhood immaturity as a teaching moment. The father thinks this is a teaching moment? Not the way he went about it.

The father is kind of saying, "Nana Nana Boo Boo." He has already lost a lot of respect from his daughter, maybe has lost her altogether. His actions are over the top. He's the grownup, and owning the laptop isn't license for acting immaturely, even if you have the right to do so.

However, the lack of respect from the daughter for her parents, the failure to heed a previous warning about social media/facebook use, the failure to contribute to household chores, these are all problems that need to be addressed. I think it is appropriate to take away the laptop, to take away a number of privileges, and to expect her to work in the household as part of the family.

As a parent of three, I deal with these issues. Doesn't every parent? My kids don't get an allowance, are expected to do chores, to work and perform academically, and to contribute to the life of the family. Our twin 10 year olds have a paper route, and each make about $50 a month. They're expected to save a bunch of it, and to use their own money if they want a Slurpee or candy from the corner 7-11. I know we're "mean" and expect more of them than many parents do, but that's life . . . they're stuck with us.

I guess the one area where I'm unsure is the use of social media. Because the daughter has fired the first salvo by putting her rant on Facebook, I kind of feel that the father has the right to refute her rant on Facebook, to spell out what her actual household duties are, and to spell out consequences for her poor actions. If he had merely taken away the laptop, but given her the opportunity to earn it back with 3 - 6 months of good behavior, I would have been better with the video.

I must say, I'm still pondering this whole thing. I do, in general, think that when youth feel entitled, and have few or little responsibilities, and face few or no consequences for bad decisions, it only hurts them down the road.

 

 

MadMonkey

February 21st, 2012 at 3:39 PM ^

the assembled members of the blogosphere  would like to know which type of boobies you prefer:  large or small.  For ease of comparison I provide a photo of a large boobie and a small boobie for your perusal.

 

Princetonwolverine

February 21st, 2012 at 2:53 PM ^

Remove the hard drive and battery and hide the power cord. I bet he buys her another one within a month. Jerk.

htownwolverine

February 21st, 2012 at 2:59 PM ^

He will. I see this same issue with my nephew and sister.

I have recommended to my sister that if she erased my nephew's saved memory from his XBOX/Playstations just once she might see some good.

Destroying the object and then the eventual give in will just make the child worse as they will receive a shiny new object.

A2GoBlue

February 21st, 2012 at 3:05 PM ^

First off, I would like to have it noted that none of us personally know any of the people associated with the situation. We are simply basing our opinions of the parties involved on what they have said about each other. That being said, although I believe the sentiment behind the father's actions was probably justified, it by no means warranted such an overdramatic act to prove his point. This will only widen the chasm between father and daughter, and likely end up causing more problems than it solved. What he should have done was simply used his video to ask the opinions of others regarding his daughter's actions, much like you have done here. That would have been much more effective than the use of weaponry. Just my opinion though...

Tuebor

February 21st, 2012 at 3:10 PM ^

Shouldn't have used a firearm but the message is on point.

I think a office space style smashing of laptop would have been more widely accepted.

MichiganMan2424

February 21st, 2012 at 3:17 PM ^

Under 21, agree with the people who say he's a nut. Specifically the wasteful and "if you have to use a gun you've lose tour kid already" points.

And on a semi-related social networking issue that deals with college football, a top Oklahoma recruiter and assitant coach potentially committed minor NCAA violations by tweeting to some recruits, telling them off their scholy offers and giving them his cell number to call him. Apparently you can send an unsigned recruit a private message, but tweeting at them is a potential violation.

http://www.sbnation.com/college-football-recruiting/2012/2/21/2814321/o…

This stuck out to me for two reasons. One is how much recruiting has changed, and how the role social networking is playing in this, sort of like the parenting issues in the OP.

The second is how I related this to coach Hoke. After just reading the story posted on the front page of Hoke offering Dawson in person a scholy and then him jumping up and down and screaming after he committed, to a coach tweeting a kid's offer, makes me appreciate Hoke that much more.

MaizeAndBlueWahoo

February 21st, 2012 at 3:46 PM ^

Yup.  PMs on Facebook and such are considered "email" and are unlimited.  Public things like tweets and posting on the wall are off limits.  I only know this because Mike London at UVA got turned in by compliance for posting on a kid's wall instead of private message.  They gave us a minor violation and took away his Facebook for a week.  If he does it again they'll shoot his laptop.

Nosce Te Ipsum

February 21st, 2012 at 3:24 PM ^

Over 21. Disciplining your child in a public forum is not the way to go. He should have made her take the post down and then grounded her. I also agree with some of the above comments about donating the laptop but when you're that angry, which this guy was, all reason goes out the window and emotions prevail. I used to be a spoiled kid and treated my parents very poorly and the only thing that made that go away was time and being on my own and realizing how much they really did for me.

thisisme08

February 21st, 2012 at 3:31 PM ^

Everyone is focusing way to much on the gun (as usual in America). 

Both kid and parent seem to be drama queens but I do find it funny that he used the same platform to bash her as A. smart thing to do considering most (older) parents can hardly link to a picture and B. hypocritcal of him as well..its airing your dirty laundry again. 

Instead of shooting the laptop he should have went with the giving to random person on the street route (filming this of course) but hey I've shot the shit out of an old cellphone I had (FU Kyocera!! and I did this as a two fold excuse to take my anger out on a crappy phone and to see how well it would survive a .22 round as inquring minds are want to do) so whatever he used what was at his disposal and is no different than smashing it with a hammer. 

For the record I'm (almost) 26. 

Cope

February 21st, 2012 at 3:43 PM ^

I think it's pretty clear he is alienating his daughter through public retaliation. He's right to be upset about what she did. Still, I thought he was kind of a psycho from the beginning. Then when he pulled out the gun I just started laughing.
Over 21

AZBlue

February 21st, 2012 at 3:38 PM ^

"family resource management" degree he undoubtably received?  Maybe he skipped that day and relied on TP to take notes for him.

/bringing it back on topic (hating Ohio)

Plegerize

February 21st, 2012 at 3:39 PM ^

While the gun was probably a bit excessive, I kind of agree with the father.

I'm sorry, but kids these days need to be put in their place. I realize it is not the 1950's or 1960's or whatever time period anymore, but parents are big softies for discipline now and it shows. While the daughter being upset with her parents is typical, it's more or so the attitudes they take with other authority figures that is bothersome. Trust me, as a teacher these kids have no respect for anyone but themselves and their peers, and  many of their parents just let it go.

As to it being "wrong" for the dad to take it to a public forum, I think that's horse manure. The girl needs to learn that if she's going to go public with something so personal, that it can go the other way too. And that goes for anything, not just family disputes. For her to think it's ok to post anything on facebook and see no retribution is just letting her go down the wrong road.

I know that's not popular opinion here, but I guess hater's gonna hate :)

UMxWolverines

February 21st, 2012 at 3:46 PM ^

And I think it was a good idea. 

You can lose the attention of your kid and not even be a bad parent (my aunt and uncle had this happen for example).

If things aren't working, sometimes you just have to do something way over-the-top and see if it finally gets that person's attention. An example in sports would be Iowa's coach slamming his chair into the ground.

He posted on facebook that his idea worked and that his daughter has responded well to what he did. So even if you still think he is a nut, it worked. 

His Dudeness

February 21st, 2012 at 3:57 PM ^

Over 21.

In my personal opinion guns and violence are silly unless used for fun/hobby. Hunting, fishing, boxing, MMA, etc. are the only reasons for guns/violence. Even in those cases I don't take part, but I will never be comfortable with anyone taking away something someone loves (ie. the hobby).

Shooting a computer to teach a lesson is a fail.

 

Hank Hill

February 21st, 2012 at 4:04 PM ^

made a terrible mistake. I do not know any of his history, just the 9 or so minutes from the video. What this father did was abusive. Was his daughter being a typical 15 year old bitchy girl? Apparently. Did she deserve to have punishment sent her way? Most likely. Does the father have the right to dole out punishment based upon his daughter's blatant disrespect of him and his rules? Absolutely. Is it ever acceptable to use a firearm in a disciplinary matter? No. The implication is there, for all of impressionable America to see, that guns can be used for disciplinary measures. That should never be an accepted line of thinking in culture throughout the world. I predict within the year, a copy cat of sorts will shoot their child trying to re-create a form of this video.

I would like to make it clear that I am a gun owner, and a RESPONSIBLE gun rights advocate. I am over 21 years old but not a parent.

Pasadena_Blue

February 21st, 2012 at 4:14 PM ^

I am over 21 and I agree that both are in the wrong here, as in my opinion the correct way to handle it would have been to discuss these types of grievances (sp?) behind closed doors.  My Dad always used to say that you praise in public and discipline in private, and I believe that's a good way to go about it.  A lesson can be taught and learned without needing to shout, use violence, or punish severely.

However, I think had he even tossed the computer in the trash or even hit it with a hammer, the reaction would not have been as bad as him using a gun.  While I don't agree with his tactics, I understand why he did it as I have grown up with guns all my life.  My dad did the same thing to some of my stuff actually, got the 16 gauge out and blasted away at a couple of playboys he found under my bed.  For us, guns were tools and were used as such, even sometimes for a satirical demonstration such as this. 

I see why he used the gun, and I really think he should probably have thought about the broad reach of his audience.  Show that clip in certain locations, and you will get a bunch of laughing and back slapping for a job well done.  Show it in a different area, and you have the cops on the way.

In the end however, I could definitely see where his daughter got her attitude from.  I personally would have made mine work for the money to install the upgrades on the laptop instead of giving them to her, would have made her appreciate the whole thing more anyway.

IPFW_Wolverines

February 21st, 2012 at 4:24 PM ^

It was great. More parents need to discipline their children. 

I have a feeling all those offended are the same people who think timeouts work...

LIZARD4141

February 21st, 2012 at 4:24 PM ^

I think spanking her with a wooden
paddle that has holes drillled through it to make it more aero-dynamic would have been more effective. Just kidding, but school teachers in TX spank their students with wooden paddles. My brother was spanked with a paddle for chewing gum in class when he was a sophomore. Luckilly for me I had already graduated before moving to TX. I thought it was a good video, but he didn't need to shoot the computer to make his point. If that's the way he wants to send his message then so be it. It's better than doing nothing or hitting her.

swan flu

February 21st, 2012 at 4:29 PM ^

Im sure the matter has been exhausted so far, but heres my two cents:

 

I teach high school kids and the increasing attachment between kid and computer is problematic. I asked my students if they've ever tried turning their phone off for a weekend... a day... even an hour.  They were shocked at the proposal and said they couldn't go a few minutes without using one of the social media sites. (I did get a few of them whom had traveled abroad to admit that going a few days without a phone was refreshing)

The dad lacked sublety, but I, figuratively-speaking, wish I could destroy the phones and computers of all my students.

Pasadena_Blue

February 21st, 2012 at 4:44 PM ^

I have noticed the same thing with some of my teenage nephews and nieces.  I know that I use a computer and phone more than i should, but they are just silly how dependant they are with it.  I tried to make them turn off their devices as well, and they about shit themselves with fear!

I sometimes like to detach from the electronic world.  I generally leave my phone on silent on the weekends, try and only look at it once or twice the entire time.  Or go on a hike to somewhere that gets zero service.  Nice to be away from it sometimes.

bluebelle

February 21st, 2012 at 4:28 PM ^

I think I understand why/how the daughter learned to deal with problems by posting about them in a public forum for all the world to see. Like father, like daughter I guess. Sounds like both of them need to learn how to communicate privately instead of passive-aggressively posting things online. But the father, at his age, should really know better. It's kind of scary.

BTW, I'm over 21, no kids, but I've volunteered with kids a lot. One thing I've learned is that kids really model the behavior of the adults around them. This is a perfect example.

omg_shiirtless

February 21st, 2012 at 4:32 PM ^

I don't think shooting a laptop is the best way of fixing the parent-child relationship. I'm not over 21, but in my opinion, the only thing he accomplished was one-upping his daughter's immature behavior. There are definitely more effective ways of parenting; that's for sure.

Arizona Blue

February 21st, 2012 at 5:19 PM ^

This video was particulary disturbing. It appears that her father is as immature as his daughter. The fact that he's bothered by his daughters emotional rant on facebook and deals with it by publicly humiiating his daughter is grade A bad parenting. 

IMO, he should have handeled the situation like a responsibe parent would. He sould have taken the high ground and dealt with the situation in the family.

Could you imagine brady hoke shooting a players laptop on youtube after he discovered that said player was bitching about lack of playing time and our mean coaching staff. Could you even imagine him aknowleding the situation publicly.

Sounds like this dad belongs to the "Les Miles" school of rolemodeling. Throw the kid under the buss and try to look like a bad ass. Sup gunner Kiel.

BlueBrad

February 21st, 2012 at 5:25 PM ^

Over 21

 If this is the way people react to a 12 year old being irresponsible, then people haven't met many 12 year olds. They'(12 year olds) are just learning how to be responsibile and most people learn through experience, which sometimes/often involves failure.

12 year olds refelct the behaviors they see model for them. I'm pretty sure this girl is being taught to shoot objects that cause her problems.... uh oh. 

MaizeNBlueTexan

February 21st, 2012 at 5:25 PM ^

TL:DR I got through the paragraph about how this is not related to Michigan and it is an OT post.  Okay cool.  Than I started to read bullets about how this topic fits into the OT category.  That is where I stopped reading...just get to point next time lol.

JonSnow54

February 21st, 2012 at 6:09 PM ^

Using a gun to is overzealous and juvenile, and destroying a perfectly good laptop that many people would gladly own is wasteful.  Why not donate it to a family that could really use it?  But, while I disagree with those things, they are minor details in the story.  The main issue to me is that he is publicly berating & embarassing her.

Ok, your kid screwed up and is complaining to her friends on facebook about her mean parents.  I think we can all agree that this is a bad move on her part, and deserves some sort of punishment because she is acting in an immature way.  Call me crazy, but I don't think the right way to teach your daughter how to handle herself properly is to make a revenge video and post it on the internet.  To me, doing that is more immature than what the daughter did to begin with, and will also cause more problems.  Way to engender love and responsibility, dude. If I was the daughter, this would teach me that when I don't get my way or don't like something someone else said about me, it is perfectly OK to seek revenge and "get someone back".  I don't have any kids (I'm in my upper 20s & married) but I know that I definitely do not want to raise my kids teaching them those kinds of values.

As kind of a side note, if you have ever been to any kind of leadership seminar, a lot of times they will tell you that when you are in a position of authority and you need to discipline someone, make sure to never do it publicly.  I have worked at several organizations in my life and have seen on multiple occassions my boss rip into coworkers in front of everyone else, and this caused the person being yelled at to hold a permanent grudge against the boss because they basically got clowned in front of everyone. Parenting is one of the biggest positions of authority there is, and this guy just totally clowned his daughter in front of 30 million people - how do you think she's gonna handle it?

Lastly, I would question that guy's love for his daughter, or maybe his treatment of women, if he thinks that kind of behavior is acceptable.  He has undoubtedly caused his daughter severe embarassment, heartache, anger, and probably hate, among other things.  This goes beyond discipline and into cruelty because of the severely public nature of the "discipline".

I'm over 21, and I'm pro-spanking/grounding/etc.

UofM Snowboarder

February 21st, 2012 at 7:23 PM ^

I'm 25, no kids, and a gun owner.

While I think shooting the laptop is a silly (I would have just sold it) I don't think it's 'wacko'. The kid is a brat and should have her interwebz/computer/life privileges revoked. Kids get away with murder and really don't have any consequences for their actions. Whining/laziness are rampant problems with todays youth. I have a few that work for me, and its shocking to me that an 18 year old doesn't understand that in order to get paid/not fired, they have to actually do work.

While the religious aspects are slightly more complicated, I wish we hadn't gotten away from the Calvinist work ethic. Hard work leads to happiness. Maybe we wouldn't have such a rampant depression problem in this country if people actually expected more than the bare minimum from our young people.