CC: Voldemort
Positives
-Creative offensive mind; the dark arts are always unexpected and catch people off guard when used.
-Disciplinarian
-Strong Academics: Graduated at the top of his class,
-Not afraid to sacrifice a piece of himself for the program
-Strong Recruiter
-Will fit in with the "Michigan Man" crowd because he is also clinging to the past.
-Thinks Urban Meyer is a muggle
-Would make the post-game handshake very interesting
-Would bring Bellatrix Lestrange as an assistant. She's considered quite offensive, and is reportedly eager to get back into the game.
-Dave Brandon may already be under an Imperius curse.
Negatives
-Fictional character
-May have a show-cause penalty upon his hiring.
-Parents may be weary of sending their children to him for 4 years
-Could bring bad press
-Never witnessed a football game
-The tattoos the players will be forced to get may be an NCAA violation
October 6th, 2014 at 10:07 AM ^
a case of the Mondays...
October 6th, 2014 at 10:08 AM ^
Oh come on man, you know you're going to read dumber shit than this today.
October 6th, 2014 at 10:45 AM ^
CC: James T. Kirk
Positives:
- Undefeated against key rivals
- Comes from 300-ish years in the future: will know every offensive and defensive scheme an opponent will try against Michigan
- Born in Iowa so strong connection to Midwest recruiting territory
- Found a way to win in a no-win scenario
- Outstanding developer of young talent
- Popular with the ladies
Negatives:
- Ha! You wish
October 6th, 2014 at 1:46 PM ^
Kirk causes certain doom for those wearing red shirts.
October 6th, 2014 at 4:22 PM ^
Unless you're a female yeoman wearing the red shirt. Then it's Howdy Doody time.
October 6th, 2014 at 5:50 PM ^
Hello romantic subplot! /cardboard people
October 6th, 2014 at 9:58 AM ^
the captain of Slytherin's quidditch team?
Go Blue!
October 6th, 2014 at 10:02 AM ^
Because he would be ready to coach.
He also attracts Stars.
October 6th, 2014 at 10:02 AM ^
October 6th, 2014 at 10:04 AM ^
in that face, too:
October 6th, 2014 at 10:11 AM ^
Negatives:
He's dead
October 6th, 2014 at 10:30 AM ^
what if he had another Horcruz lieing about?
OR maybe he will come back like Gandalf...
It's possible right?
Another boiling soup, some bones and blood, sacrifice and here we go again...
PS this is the first post I've read on this board that made me laugh since saturday night...
October 6th, 2014 at 1:38 PM ^
Gandalf was sent back to Middle Earth by the Valar.
Doubt there is an equivalent in Potter-land
October 6th, 2014 at 10:36 AM ^
You need to put a SPOILER ALERT on the subject line.
There are a lot of words and big ones too boot in those books and it takes us OSU grads a while to get through them.
/s
October 6th, 2014 at 10:36 AM ^
Come on man, some of us haven't seen or read the end of the series yet.
/s
October 6th, 2014 at 12:06 PM ^
Best comment in a great thread. +1 for you!
October 6th, 2014 at 10:22 AM ^
Would require changing color scheme to green and silver, which could get confusing.
October 6th, 2014 at 10:23 AM ^
We were in desparate need for a laugh, and it was either Voldemort or Ditka.
October 6th, 2014 at 10:31 AM ^
October 6th, 2014 at 10:35 AM ^
Was supposed to be a reply to an earlier comment.
October 6th, 2014 at 10:33 AM ^
It's sad I get more interested in the irrational CC threads than the real ones.... or awesome depending how you look at it
October 6th, 2014 at 10:43 AM ^
I wished I could avada kedavra you right now.
October 6th, 2014 at 10:46 AM ^
October 6th, 2014 at 10:56 AM ^
As a hire, he'd likely be unable to innovate in the face of adversaries wearing glasses and having scars.
Seems to keep losing against this foe and is unwilling to learn and adjust his style. I bet he'd keep running power up the middle for little, to no gain.
October 6th, 2014 at 11:03 AM ^
Are we just totally disregarding McGonagall?
You want to talk about a person who treasures student safety and yet knows exactly when to get tough, when to bend the rules, etc.... She has a damn good eye for talent, clearly saying "be-damned with tradition" and having the first freshman seeker in generations.
No one would bring more stability to the role than her.
It's because she's a woman isn't it? *sigh* I was hoping we could evolve beyond this "We need a Hogwarts MAN" thing.
P.S. My only concern is the potential for accusations of impropriety what with having purchased her star player his own dope ride.
----
And yes, this is the exacty kind of thread we all needed today. So all the haters need to lighten the hell up.
October 6th, 2014 at 11:11 AM ^
This thread is more entertaining than 90% of other forum posts here or anywhere else.
Anyways, I'm about to geek it up to a factor of even, but, for anyone else who's read the HP series, you've surely noticed a marked similarity between the dissembling mendacity of both our athletic department under Dave Branding and the Ministry of Magic under Cornelius Fudge.
Oh hell, the wiki page has this quote about the Fudge character: ""You are blinded by the love of your office, Cornelius! You place too much importance, and you always have done, on the so-called purity of blood! You fail to recognise that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!"
At this point, how is anything other than giddy laughter the appropriate reaction?
October 6th, 2014 at 11:13 AM ^
It's almost like the HP series is a metaphor for the decline and fall of the Michigan Man ethos.
October 6th, 2014 at 11:24 AM ^
Yeah, I'm trying to figure out if this means Albus Dumbledore is Bo or Lloyd, as well as who is Severus Snape and Harry. One thing for sure - if HP is an allegory for the downfall of Michigan football, Rita Skeever is pretty much Michael Rosenberg.
October 6th, 2014 at 11:14 AM ^
I'm holding out for Sauron.
October 6th, 2014 at 11:38 AM ^
I'm pretty sure Sauron would refuse to wear a headset. He would be very good at knowing where the players were at all times and keeping them out of trouble.
We'd probably get sanctioned for watching opponents practices ala Belichek though. :(
Damn all seeing eye...
October 6th, 2014 at 1:41 PM ^
Battle of Gladden Fields?
Or post Gladden Fields?
October 6th, 2014 at 11:24 AM ^
October 6th, 2014 at 1:14 PM ^
October 6th, 2014 at 2:11 PM ^
October 6th, 2014 at 6:19 PM ^
I have no problem with this as people need a laugh in times like this, but am I the only person who has no idea wtf people are talking about in this thread? lol
October 6th, 2014 at 10:28 PM ^
The press conferences would be pretty lame, after he has his snake devour Drew Sharp during the first one he holds.
Voldemort: No questions today I assume? (points around the room with his wand)
October 6th, 2014 at 10:29 PM ^
Would Ohio State fans have to refer to "That school up north coached by he who shall not be named"?