August 25th, 2014 at 11:08 PM ^
I thought that only happened in Ohio libraries?
August 25th, 2014 at 10:23 PM ^
August 25th, 2014 at 10:25 PM ^
and tells the doctor, "Doctor, my tally-wacker is orange. What could it be?"
The doctor thinks for a minute and then asks the young man if he works at a chemical company.
The young man responds "No".
The doctor repeats the question, "I hate to ask again, but surely you must work for a chemical company."
To this, the young man responds, "No, no, no. I'm unemployed. Mostly I just sit around the house all day watching the Playboy Channel and eating Cheetos."
August 25th, 2014 at 10:26 PM ^
Buckeye fans are so ugly, the zoo puts their pictures up in the monkey cages to keep the monkeys from jerking off.
August 25th, 2014 at 10:26 PM ^
who couldn't mend straight?
(say it fast, you'll get it....)
August 25th, 2014 at 10:28 PM ^
August 25th, 2014 at 10:30 PM ^
August 25th, 2014 at 10:35 PM ^
August 25th, 2014 at 10:39 PM ^
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Life seems harsh, and cruel. Says he feels all alone in threatening world. Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Brutus - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. "But doctor..." he says "I am Brutus." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.
August 26th, 2014 at 12:57 AM ^
August 25th, 2014 at 10:41 PM ^
August 25th, 2014 at 10:40 PM ^
The bartender says "we don't serve your kind here."
A tachyon walks into a bar.
August 25th, 2014 at 10:41 PM ^
Buckeyes think asphalt is rectum trouble.
August 25th, 2014 at 10:45 PM ^
August 25th, 2014 at 10:45 PM ^
He may be a vegetarian, but he's full of bologna in my book.
August 25th, 2014 at 10:52 PM ^
August 25th, 2014 at 11:05 PM ^
August 26th, 2014 at 8:52 AM ^
August 25th, 2014 at 10:55 PM ^
CHOOCHOO!
August 26th, 2014 at 3:37 PM ^
August 25th, 2014 at 10:55 PM ^
A man walks into a bar on the 10 the floor of a hotel and sits down. The guy next to him says "buy me drink and I'll jump out that window- fly in a circle and then fly back in". So the guy buys him a drink and sure enough the guy does exactly what he promised.
Now the guy cannot believe what he just saw and asks the guy how in the hell did he do that. "Easy he says - you can do it too - let me show you. All you have to do is hold the bottom of the bar stool like this, take three step and then launch yourself outside the window. Once airborne make sure to hold your arms out like I did for lift and then kick your legs if you feel you're losing altitude. Anybody can do it if they try."
So the guy does exactly as he was instructed and then promptly plummets 10 stories to his death. As everybody's looking out the window the bartender walks over to the first guy and says "You know what? You're an asshole when you've been drinking Superman."
August 25th, 2014 at 11:04 PM ^
August 26th, 2014 at 8:19 AM ^
called my daughter and told her to stay the hell away from Rock Creek Park.
August 25th, 2014 at 11:11 PM ^
August 25th, 2014 at 11:12 PM ^
Q. If there is a car with an Ohio State RB, CB, and DE in it, who is driving?
A. The police officer.
August 25th, 2014 at 11:14 PM ^
My Buckeye friend drives a truck.
For a living.
August 26th, 2014 at 12:14 AM ^
In possession of a brand new Ice Bucket
The port-a-potty was far
The lid was ajar
He gave up and said "Aw, fuck it"
August 25th, 2014 at 11:16 PM ^
Buckeye #1 is in his back yard building a space ship.
Buckeye #2 asks him what he is doing. Buckeye #1 says "I'm building a space ship. I'm going to fly to the sun."
Buckeye #2 says "You're crazy, you will get burnt to a crisp."
Buckeye #1 says "No I won't. I'm gonna fly at night."
August 25th, 2014 at 11:18 PM ^
He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
For reference, there are a ton of great ones in the comments here.
August 25th, 2014 at 11:22 PM ^
My Buckeye uncle once got drunk and puked in his Ohio hat. I think this is relevant.
August 25th, 2014 at 11:23 PM ^
August 25th, 2014 at 11:30 PM ^
August 25th, 2014 at 11:32 PM ^
I miss GROOT
August 26th, 2014 at 7:48 AM ^
worse than the other verse,
and waltz me around by my willie!
there once was a man named makeever (makeever!)
who once made love to a beaver! (a beaver!)
that result of that muck
was a canvas back duck,
two canoes and a golden retriever!
oh, aye, aye, ya, ya,
your mother swims after troop ships,
so lets have another verse.....
August 25th, 2014 at 11:40 PM ^
A degree.
August 26th, 2014 at 1:55 AM ^
^^^^^^^ winner.
August 26th, 2014 at 9:52 AM ^
It never seemed appropriate to ask him how he managed to spend 5 1/2 years there and not graduate. I think he changed his major a few times. He now has a bachelor's and master's degree from Kent State, so all is well.
August 25th, 2014 at 11:44 PM ^
My buckeye friend lives in a tree. Because he's a pervert.
August 25th, 2014 at 11:58 PM ^
Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines.
August 26th, 2014 at 12:26 AM ^
August 26th, 2014 at 3:08 AM ^
They were commenting on how their bodies were having problems as they grew older.
The Sparty says, "I haven't taken a good leak in years...it burns, no steady stream. It sucks."
The Domer says, "I know what you're saying...I haven't had a good shit in over a year. Nothing is more satisfying nowadays, wish I could take a good shit just once."
The Buckeye chimes in... "I don't have any of those problems. Every morning at 7am, I have a nice piss... steady stream, no problems. And then every morning at 7:30, I take a good shit, no problems."
The Sparty and the Domer blurt out at the same time, "Well, you MUST have at least one problem to deal with...?"
The Buckeye says, "Yeah dang it, I do. I just wish I could wake up before 8am."
August 26th, 2014 at 4:38 AM ^
August 26th, 2014 at 6:16 AM ^
How do you drive a Buckeye crazy? Put a cooler in the middle of the room and tell him to poop in the corner.
August 26th, 2014 at 12:50 PM ^
August 26th, 2014 at 6:43 AM ^
August 26th, 2014 at 7:01 AM ^
Back in the day when I was creating punch cards for a program at the NUBs, I needed to visit the rest room. As I was relieving myself, there written above the urinal were these wise words:
"When you shit you shit alone...
When you piss urination!"
August 26th, 2014 at 8:07 AM ^
Q: What did the leper say to the hooker?
A: Keep the tip.