Brian - Need some TWIS ammo?

Submitted by 1464 on

This may be the best internet rant I've seen, ever?   It tackles virginity, weight lifting, money, stereotypes, caps lock, misspelling, and symboled out swear words... it's... perfect.  Courtesy of the Illinois Rivals free board...

 

YOU HATERS OF ANOTHERS THOGHTS ARE BITCHES. I KNOW NONE OF YOU GET SEX. I KNOW NONE OF YOU LIFT WEIGHTS. I KNOW NONE OF GOT MONEY. I KNOW NONE OF YOU GOT A LIFE. WHAT KIND OF BITCH CRIES ABOUT CAPS? THIS FORUM IS FOR FOLLOWERS. B!TCHES WHO CO SIGNS ONEANOTHERS THOUGHTS. @#%$ SUCKERS IF YOU WILL. I WOULD LOVE TO VISIT YOU B!TCHES DOWN IN YOUR RED NECK ,COUNTRY, FARMING PART OF ILLINOIS. BUT YOU ARE YELLOW BACK COWARDS. I AM A REAL MAN WITH REAL THINGS TO SAY. YOU WHO HATED ON ME ARE ALL @#%$ SUCKING, DADDYFCKING,COWARD ASS,CAPS OFF BITCHES. YOU CANT KICK ME OFF THIS FORUM I CHOOSE TO LEAVE. GO SUCK NICK SMITHS @#$@ AND TELL HIM HE'S GOOD. YOUR IN LOVE WITH SKINNY ASS WHITE BOYS WHO GET BEAT DOWN. YOU MUST HATE BIG BLACK MEN DOWN LOW. YOU ALL ARE FAKE ASS FANS. THATS WHY YOUR ALL LIVING LIKE YOU DO. YOU LOSERS. DONT EVEN RESPOND B$TCHES. IM GONE. IM GOING TO COME DOWN THERE AND @#%$ YOUR DREAM GIRLS YOU HILLBILLIES.

Also, while I pretend to have your attention, there is one stat I haven't seen about the game yesterday... was 65 the most points a team has ever scored in a losing effort?  I've seen all the combined point total stats, but I'd have to go out on a limb and say that scoring 65 points and losing has to put you at the top of a list somewhere...

EDIT: I guess this actually isn't in reference to the Michigan game.  This is the 5th most recent post on the Illinois board, but it came from April of this year... that's pretty pathetic.

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Njia

November 7th, 2010 at 11:21 AM ^

Misogyny, incest, homosexuality, racism, and taking what marbles he has left and going home. I agree with the point above: there should be a category of American prize for this.

Joined: 09/15/2009

MGoPoints: 35773

BlueVoix

November 7th, 2010 at 11:22 AM ^

Personally, I like this from A Lion Eye:

There is no catharsis.  This one will hurt in 20 years.  Just like the Missouri/Illinois basketball game in 1993 that went to three overtimes.  There’s no escaping the kind of fan punch that a game like this can give you.  You have to walk all the way to the edge of the cliff with the fans of the other team, knowing that one of you is going over and the other one gets a 5 day nothing-can-bring-me-down-off-this-high celebration.  I just tumbled over the cliff. And it’s Michigan standing at the top celebrating.  Michigan.

Michigan is bowl eligible.  We’re not.  The ramifications are hitting me in waves.  The defensive stats I’ve been spouting to everyone who would listen are obliterated.  67 points and, I don’t know, 700 yards (?) tells me that I’ve been overestimating our defense.  We hadn’t played the best offense on our schedule yet, meaning I started bragging about my pitcher’s ERA in the 6th inning.  Back to reality.

Nom nom nom.

Joined: 06/25/2009

MGoPoints: 5576

BlueintheLou

November 7th, 2010 at 11:37 AM ^

That is yummy schadenfreude. However, it is very logical. I like this line:

You have to walk all the way to the edge of the cliff with the fans of the other team, knowing that one of you is going over and the other one gets a 5 day nothing-can-bring-me-down-off-this-high celebration.  I just tumbled over the cliff.

So true. In a game like this, there is nothing you can do but cheer and hope and wait, and at the end it might be you tumbling off that cliff. It is so great to be standing atop that cliff this week.

Joined: 09/13/2008

MGoPoints: 4872

jmblue

November 7th, 2010 at 5:59 PM ^

This one will hurt in 20 years.  Just like the Missouri/Illinois basketball game in 1993 that went to three overtimes.

Weird.  I don't think I'd ever compare a regular-season basketball game to a football game - and I'm a pretty big basketball fan.  NCAA tournament, I could see.  But not some game that's played in December.

Joined: 11/07/2008

MGoPoints: 102725

lhglrkwg

November 7th, 2010 at 11:48 AM ^

it needs more references to the game like

ZOOK CANT COVER RONDTREE'S %#^@ WITH HIS @$$
or
DICKROD'S @#$@ $#%# BEAT YOURE LAZY @$$#$ WITH HIS #$%# WEST VIRGINIA %$#% #$&#$!!!11 I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN COMPLAIN WITH ALL YOU REDNECK $#%@^$%s!!11

Joined: 07/03/2008

MGoPoints: 87747

antoo

November 7th, 2010 at 12:47 PM ^

and I thought he was talking about me when he said:

I KNOW NONE OF GOT MONEY. I KNOW NONE OF YOU GOT

A LIFE. WHAT KIND OF BITCH CRIES ABOUT CAPS? 

Joined: 01/30/2009

MGoPoints: 1003