Today EDSBS had an awesome post about each Big Ten team's deepest, darkest fantasies. The whole thing is worth a read, but I think they nailed us pretty well:
MICHIGAN: Now that Harvard has been officially renamed the "Michigan of the East," everyone knows that the University of Michigan is the best university in the history of universities or the word "best." Bo Schembechler has led the team to success that even Fielding H. Yost, who was totally not racist and anti-Catholic, would envy. Michigan's offensive line has never been an absolute fucking popsicle of a shitshow and Darrell Funk has the whole country "Funk in Love." But when Mike Hart took over as running backs coach from Fred Jackson and Nebraska had its share of the 1997 National Championship taken away for being "not as good as Michigan" and Charles Woodson won a second Heisman in 1998 while being as lithe as a goddamn dancer, you knew the football program was on track for incomparable greatness. Remember when Denard Robinson ran and threw for 1,000 yards at Ohio Stadium while Ohio State fans writhed in pain and agony and then Denard was immediately awarded two Heismans, one for athletics and one for being a really nice guy? Man, that was awesome. Couple that with the overwhelming success of the Michigan basketball program following back-to-back titles in 1992 and 1993, with Chris Webber being named "Most Valuable Player and Also Coolest Person and Totally Not a Recipient of Illegal Money," and Michigan athletics is more on fire than the couches burned in East Lansing following the relegation of Michigan State and Ohio State to "barely even schools, certainly not rivals" status. No wonder Michigan's new capitol is Ann Arbor, marking a new era of fiscal prosperity and a strong propensity towards jay-walking for the entire state.