EDSBS posted a satirical article about how Alabama has started a water feature arms race in the SEC. I thought the article was pretty funny, and wanted to expand on it with B1G teams. What water features would each B1G team install to keep up with the Jones'?
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Michigan - A toss up between an environmentally friendly bong water treatment plant and a reflection pool that shows the reality that the things they hate about Notre Dame alumni also apply to Michigan.
MSU - An irrigation system suitable for such a large, chiefly agricultural school.
Indiana - An even larger irrigation system, as a way to one up their bitter rivals at MSU.
Ohio State - A more robust set of facilities to handle human excrement, allowing for cleaner coolers in which to chill their Natty Light. OSU will then build a system in which they can filter clean urine back to their compliance department, using student privacy laws to keep the system top secret.
Penn State - Please don't say kiddie pool, please don't say kiddie pool... Kiddie pool. Dammit!
Illinois - Just a new 5 gallon water cooler. They've really tried to temper the ambitions of their athletics program to fit with reality.
Rutgers - Installing a nice coy pond in each of the campus's sanctioned tanning salons.
Wisconsin - Raffling off the remaining supply of Aqua Velva that was left when Bielema departed. It's got the word aqua right on the label, bros.
Northwestern - Building diversion tubes to route Lake Michigan water directly into Ryan Field so that they can force visting schools into engaging in naval combat, rather than football. A decided schematic advantage when you're the smartest kid in the conference.
Iowa - A drowning pool for appeasing the AIRBHG through the practice of human sacrifice.
Minnesota - Another lake.
Maryland - Athletic department too poor to install any new water features. Please use the drinking fountain at the public park across the street.