Will the SEC now Please Shut Up

I wrote this sometime last year. Found it this afternoon while cleaning up my My Files folder. Feel free to add lines for basketball, or ignore it entirely.

To the tune of, well, you can probably guess.

May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the whole SEC now please shut up?
I repeat, will the whole SEC now please shut up?
We're gonna have a problem here..

Y'all act like you never seen a football game before
Jaws all a yap, talkin' smack, like Jacob Hester just burst through the line
And started whoopin Ohio 80-to-nine

So you had a good day, so the Buckeyes are gay,
And Percy Harvin had us all like... "you're kidding, he didn't just do what I think he did, did he?"

And Paul Bryant said... nothing you idiots!
The Bear's dead, and you're left giving all your coaches head

SEC fans love the Big Ten "Bo-Woody, I'm sick of them.
Look at them!
Running the ball up your you-know-what,
throwing to you-know-who,"
"yeah, but they're dead, too, though!"

Yeah, we probably got a couple of upsets to MAC schools
But no worse, than Louisiana-Monroe in Tuscaloos
Sometimes, I wanna get on ESPN and just let loose, but can't
'Cause it's colder here than the ass of a dead moose

But now my team is in your crib, my team is in your crib
And if you're lucky, we might beat you by just a little bit
And that's the message that we deliver to high school kids
And expect them to learn what a real football conference is.

Of course they gonna know what an education is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They've got a degree from Florida, don't they?

"we ain't nothing but mammals.." well, some of us cannibals
Who treat their student athletes like fu**in animals

But if you recruit your dumb animals, Atlanta dopes
And your players never heard of a man named Scopes
So if you feel like I feel, the Capital One's the antidote
Wave Tim Tebow's pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes

I'm the Big Ten, yes the real Big Ten
Cause you know the Big Ten is the home of real men,
So won't the whole SEC now please shut up,
Please shut up, please shut up?

You think I give a damn about McFadden?
We'll put that bitch on his ass like the Falcons in Madden
I hear you've got a stadium with a hundred thou seats
Well, guess what, pissants, I've got three.
I've got a ticket down to Pasadena,
We'd invite you too but Stanford would cream ya.
You should try a game up here in Ann Arbor
When it's 30 below and not fuckin Pearl Harbor

I'm sick of you little girl and boy teams, all you do is annoy me
If your teams are so good why you lose to Kentucky

You know your best two teams are just like me
Laying hits like they just don't give a f**k like me
Defend, and run the ball up the gut like me
You just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

'Cause I'm the Big Ten , yes the real Big Ten
And you know the Big Ten is the home of real men,
So won't the whole SEC now please shut up,
Please shut up, please shut up?

'Cause I'm the Big Ten , yes the real Big Ten
And you know the Big Ten is the home of real men,
So won't the whole SEC now please shut up,
Please shut up, please shut up?

I'm like a head trip to listen to, cause I'm only giving you
The crap you say to everyone else who will listen to you
The only difference is I got the history to back it
Cause I was playing football when you were wearing white sheets to practice
I just get on the field and spit it
And whether you like to admit it, Florida sh*t it
And ninety percent of you losers lost to them
Called Tim Tebow a god 'cause your D could not stop him

It's funny; 'cause you like to dis us as Yankee dupes
But all I see is Big Ten boys with Superbowl hoops
While your boys are still trying to make NLF camps
Living in trailers off ex-cheerleaders' food stamps
And every 4-star recruit is leaving school early
He'll end up serving at Burger King, spittin on your onion rings
Or working in Boca as my grandpa's caddy
Talking 'bout the days he called Phil Fulmer daddy.

So, will the SEC just please shut up?
And take that fucking flag down off your Ford truck!
Then realize, some while ago, you started a war
And one more time, think real hard, loud as you can, how did that go?

'Cause I'm the Big Ten , yes the real Big Ten
And you know the Big Ten is the home of real men,
So won't the whole SEC now please shut up,
Please shut up, please shut up?