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Why Michigan Doesn't Need a Mascot

By Seth — August 3rd, 2011 at 5:28 PM — 68 comments
Filed under:
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  • football
  • Snob Mascots Rule

Sometimes I'm not above sending a letter to the local paper. I come from a long line of people who wrote letters to local papers (surprise!). Anyway, I penned this as a response to DetNews' Josh Katzenstein on Michigan's Mascot but then Brian front-page responded to the same thing, so there's no use saving it for Dear Diary anymore. 

Here's the damn letter that doesn't say "capturing the Sharp market" anywhere in it. Image at right is from MVictors.

Get your arrogance hats ohnnn:

-------------------------------------------

 

Josh-
 
I think you're overestimating how much a kid cares about a mascot. Detroit has a history of being late to the mascot line, yet consistently makes or champions most national lists of best sports towns. If a mascot is really that important, how did we get all of these Tigers, Lions, Red Wings, Pistons, and Wolverines fans before 1995, when Paws made his debut at Tiger Stadium?
 
Because as you pointed out a mascot is for making you cheer when there's no reason to, but at Michigan (and only Michigan?), there is never a reason not to cheer.
 
  • You can cheer the winningest program in college football history.
  • You can cheer because you're the largest group of football fans gathered together to watch a football game in the world.
  • You can cheer because of their success on the field.
  • You can cheer because they stand up after their failures.
  • You can cheer because the best things about our state: integrity, hard work, engineering, business, nature, and beauty, are embodied by its oldest and greatest institution.
  • You can cheer because this program, this team, and this school care more about being worth cheering for than whether or not you're cheering.
These are program ideals, and while Michigan will fall short in all of them, striving toward those ideals is better than giving up on them. This is what's hidden in what the world calls "Michigan arrogance": when Brady Hoke tells reporters that we will beat some team or recruit some kid because "We're Michigan," or when people who knew Bo spout off cake-and-eat-it-too sentiments about winning championships without sacrificing integrity in a sport filled with seediness (see: recruiting) and next-to-impossible (120 teams!) odds, these are not pretensions, but lofty self-expectations.
 
A mascot is only a symbol, and one that is hardly interesting or unique. What I think you need to understand about Michigan is -- right, wrong or profoundly arrogant (probably profoundly arrogant) -- the Michigan brand is supposed to be different. What is seen to outsiders as stodginess or conservatism among this fanbase is often simple stodginess and conservatism, but on occasion we also do some weird things because we've thought of a very good reason. I think the mascot is one of those instances.
 
In our own existentialist way (and yes our way can get quite existentialist) not having a mascot IS our mascot, for it embodies Michigan's Michiganness better than any guy in a polyfoam suit could ever do.
 
Can a 5-year-old see that in an empty space? Not in those words, no. But if you treat him to a Michigan game, and have him shake a Michigan coach's hand, and show him a Michigan campus, and speak to him about Michigan's ideals, I think that will have a far stronger impression on the kid than watching Sparty flex his biceps and call him "brah."
 
And when you show him Desmond Howard, or Denard Robinson...
 
"Misopogon"
www.mgoblog.com

 

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August 3rd, 2011 at 5:35 PM | Great letter (Score:2 Normal)
Wave83
Joined: 03/09/2011
MGoPoints: 544

Great letter.  I hope you are sending it over to The News.

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August 6th, 2011 at 11:13 PM | Mascot ?? (Score:1)
caliblue
Joined: 11/02/2008
MGoPoints: 371

We don't need no stinking mascots !!!

Upholding maize and blue honor in a warm climate

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August 3rd, 2011 at 5:37 PM | Bravo. I am very much looking (Score:3 Normal)
Waggles
Waggles's picture
Joined: 12/26/2010
MGoPoints: 1302

Bravo. I am very much looking forward to his dumbfounded response.

You say it much better than I could, but I love the idea that "not having a mascot IS our mascot." Perfect. I'd rather have the tradition and excellence of Michigan football over a muscular foam green guy.

ITS GREAT TO BE A MICHIGAN WOLVERINE

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August 3rd, 2011 at 8:42 PM | A muscular foam green guy (Score:2 Informative)
MGoneBlue
Joined: 05/30/2011
MGoPoints: 312

who, according to the cultural norms of ancient Sparta, is lacking a shield, and is thus a coward. 

We don't want some random inaccuracy sullying our fair team's name.

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August 3rd, 2011 at 11:58 PM | Plus, you know, green (Score:1)
BlueHills
Joined: 10/31/2010
MGoPoints: 704

Plus, you know, green instead of red. 

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August 3rd, 2011 at 5:39 PM | Nice reply. However, you (Score:4 Normal)
1484
Joined: 06/21/2010
MGoPoints: 14241

Nice reply.

However, you never listed your stance on Rich Rod so I feel your letter to the editor may be incomplete.  I think that is a requisite. 

On a serious note, I think both this post and Brian's excerpt from the Illinois game do a suitable job of conveying how I feel about Michigan tradition.  Sometimes the governing rules of the covenant are not arbitrary.  Don't shake the bowl that holds the ghosts of our past.  That being said, lights, club seats, and an extra quarter inch are all very welcome.  Mascots, ads, and 'dynamic new branding opportunities' are not...

Hail.

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August 3rd, 2011 at 5:41 PM | I thought five year-olds (Score:5 Normal)
Zone Left
Zone Left's picture
Joined: 07/03/2008
MGoPoints: 13964

I thought five year-olds liked what their parents liked. That's why I'm a Michigan fan.

Brian's take was right. That guy cared about the mascot because he was a Minnesota Gopher's fan.

It's all John Navarre's fault.

 

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August 3rd, 2011 at 6:22 PM | If we're going to have a (Score:4 Normal)
brandanomano
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Joined: 09/05/2009
MGoPoints: 4402

If we're going to have a mascot, let's get 10 and make them really scary looking. 1,000 crying babies will do wonders for the stadium noise level.

Special Teams means special times!

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August 3rd, 2011 at 6:33 PM | If we're looking at noise level (Score:5 Normal)
BiSB
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Joined: 08/15/2009
MGoPoints: 27894

May I suggest Horny, the Fighting Airhorn?

They no longer call me Bisbiño

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August 3rd, 2011 at 8:04 PM | that works (Score:3 Normal)
brandanomano
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Joined: 09/05/2009
MGoPoints: 4402

Only if we can have 10 of them. If we're gonna do this whole mascot thing, we're gonna do it better than anyone else because THIS IS MICHIGAN, dammit

Special Teams means special times!

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August 5th, 2011 at 2:00 PM | and if it is impossible to do (Score:1)
RowoneEndzone
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Joined: 09/27/2008
MGoPoints: 3121

and if it is impossible to do better, let's just do more of it!

"Wasn't that Michigan drive just great.  That's like Patton riding into Berlin." ~Bob Ufer

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August 3rd, 2011 at 8:13 PM | Victor the Vuvuzela.  Wait, (Score:1 Informative)
Zone Left
Zone Left's picture
Joined: 07/03/2008
MGoPoints: 13964

Victor the Vuvuzela. 

Wait, nix that, I'd quit watching Michigan games with the volume on if I had to hear that buzzing.

It's all John Navarre's fault.

 

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August 3rd, 2011 at 6:31 PM | Well said (Score:5 Normal)
BiSB
BiSB's picture
Joined: 08/15/2009
MGoPoints: 27894

I grew up in a Sparty family, and I became a die-hard Michigan fan despite the absence of a mascot.

I'm a fan because of Desmond. And because of Dreisbach to Hayes.  And because, yes, Tim Biakabatuka just did that.  And because HOLY SHIT there are a lot of people in this stadium. And because Charles Woodson can jump 15 feet in the air with a rose between his teeth.  And because of The Victors.  And because you can't have one without the other.  And because Braylon is 18 inches taller than Jaren Hayes. And because, well, Denard.

Besides... live wolverine mascot or GTFO.

They no longer call me Bisbiño

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August 3rd, 2011 at 11:06 PM | Yes (Score:1)
profitgoblue
Joined: 09/01/2009
MGoPoints: 19415

All that and a bag of chips. And I wouldn't hesitate to include the fact that 99% of the mascots in existence are lame as sh-t and embarrassing (the one exception is the Stanford Tree).

P.S. Good to see that you survived the Bar exam! Feeling better now, like after having just dropped a huge load?

Disgruntled former moderator.  I got a lot of problems with you people!

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August 4th, 2011 at 8:22 AM | Thanks (Score:2)
BiSB
BiSB's picture
Joined: 08/15/2009
MGoPoints: 27894

That's a good way to describe the feeling.  Relief, mixed with a nagging worry that I might not have cleared everything and therefore might have to return to the shitter again.

They no longer call me Bisbiño

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August 4th, 2011 at 11:26 AM | Try not to fret (Score:1)
profitgoblue
Joined: 09/01/2009
MGoPoints: 19415

It's all good.  Everyone feels that way.  Just remind yourself that you only have to be better than probably 25% of the people you sat with, and I know you noticed that there were some in the building that couldn't have been dealing with full decks (know what I mean?).

 

Disgruntled former moderator.  I got a lot of problems with you people!

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August 3rd, 2011 at 6:37 PM | Very well written (Score:2 Normal)
restive neb
restive neb's picture
Joined: 04/06/2009
MGoPoints: 531

I loved it.  To sum it up in three words, though:  Because we're Michigan.

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August 3rd, 2011 at 6:45 PM | Shorter version: By most (Score:1)
Newk
Newk's picture
Joined: 09/10/2008
MGoPoints: 333

Shorter version:

By most tangible criteria - wins, attendance, etc. - Mich is among the best, if not the best, in all college football. Maybe everyone else should dump their mascots.

c/o '02

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August 3rd, 2011 at 7:11 PM | Email him! (Score:1)
superstringer
superstringer's picture
Joined: 02/04/2009
MGoPoints: 973

I sent him an email in response to his column.  I posted the text of my email as a Reply to the forum piece someone posted earlier today on the column.  My points were similar to Misopogon's, but slightly less haughty and a bit more sarcastic.  However, we all agree that this guy's problem is, he didn't go to UM, so he doesn't "get it."

I went to Stanford for grad school, and people can't understand why I HATE Stanford football (except when coached by the guy who was my alma mater's quarterback while I was on campus at UM).  Because, at my first and only Stanford football game -- the first one on campus when I was out there -- I saw USC beat Stanford by 7 on a late drive.  I saw the USC marching band with the goose step, the Song Girls, etc.  And I saw Stanford's band making fun of USC -- mocking the goose step, mocking the Song Girls.  And I said to myself, STANFORD DOESNT GET IT.  They don't have their own traditions, so they mock those who do.  Makes them feel more self-righteous (a classic Stanford problem).

That's at play here.  He just doesn't "get it."

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August 3rd, 2011 at 7:21 PM | You should send this to Dave (Score:1)
MGoBender
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Joined: 03/26/2010
MGoPoints: 5138

You should send this to Dave Brandon as well.

While Dave may "Get it," his love for the almighty dollar clouds his judgement on how important "it" is.

CoE Class of 2007

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August 3rd, 2011 at 8:21 PM | Agreed. DB is smart. DB knows (Score:5 Normal)
His Dudeness
His Dudeness's picture
Joined: 11/24/2008
MGoPoints: 13558

Agreed. DB is smart. DB knows how to make a dollar. DB also doesn't know how to let well enough alone. It's like a consultant who comes in and sees that everything is working pretty well and decides you should change your coorporate logo. It's change for the sake of "doing something." Sometimes that just makes you look foolish.

or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.

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August 3rd, 2011 at 7:33 PM | Acquitted Child Murderer Adopts Ohio As Her "Mascot" (Score:1 Normal)
BlueFordSoftTop
BlueFordSoftTop's picture
Joined: 04/09/2011
MGoPoints: 222

Congratulations Ohio upon your most-recent selection as a celebrity "mascot": 

http://www.tmz.com/2011/08/02/casey-anthony-photos-ohio-pictures-video-murder-caylee-anthony-ohio-state-university-old-navy-disguise-baseball-cap-glasses-shopping/

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August 3rd, 2011 at 7:38 PM | Awesome job (Score:1)
MGoSoftball
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Joined: 10/18/2010
MGoPoints: 3591

My feelings exactly, although I would have mentioned the MMB and all its glory to the mix.

Mr Brandon, I know you "get it" but please do not allow your judgement to be clouded.  Our traditions and values are NOT for sale at any price.

From the Red Cedar Message Board:  "God hates us."  Yes He does Lil Bro, yes he does.  Everyone hates you.

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August 3rd, 2011 at 7:41 PM | Anyone ever read the book (Score:1)
m1jjb00
Joined: 11/21/2009
MGoPoints: 1417

Anyone ever read the book Rivethead? GM had a mascot. How did that work out?

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August 3rd, 2011 at 7:52 PM | Very well done... (Score:2)
MGoShoe
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Joined: 04/23/2009
MGoPoints: 19234

...Looking forward to hearing about their response.

LSA '89 - MBB Natl Champions, Big 10/Rose Bowl Champions | @MGoShoe

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August 3rd, 2011 at 8:00 PM | Does anybody remember those long summer days as a kid? (Score:2 Normal)
JEL
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Joined: 07/16/2011
MGoPoints: 211

Does anybody remember those long summer days as a kid? You would meet up to play ball, pick teams, and then a disagreement would always break out about who was going to be the team mascot, and the mascot cards those were the cards you wanted 

as luck would have it I'm existing in the filter bubble.

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August 3rd, 2011 at 8:17 PM | I took my (Score:2 Normal)
MGoSoftball
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Joined: 10/18/2010
MGoPoints: 3591

young kids to the 1997 Iowa game.  We got there early and watched the band perform pre-game.  They were amaized at how they could march and hold the perfect M and then they did the Blues Brothers  "cake".  It inspired both my kids to join the HS band and pursue music. 

No mascot could have ever did that.  Im just happy that we came back from an aweful first half to win the game.

From the Red Cedar Message Board:  "God hates us."  Yes He does Lil Bro, yes he does.  Everyone hates you.

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August 3rd, 2011 at 7:56 PM | After viewing his story it is (Score:3 Normal)
Gobluegr
Joined: 07/07/2011
MGoPoints: 647

After viewing his story it is clear that he doesn't understand tradition, but instead favors petty details so here are some reasons that he would understand:
You can cheer because this is Michigan and this is what we do (Commercials are always easy on the petty mind)
You can cheer because everyone else is doing it (he really cares what other people do, instead of his own choice)
You can cheer because you might get on tv (he clearly wants to be recognized by people)
You can cheer because you can be part of something great (he seems lonely)

Tremendous 2014 rankings

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August 3rd, 2011 at 7:59 PM | nice (Score:1)
snowcrash
Joined: 07/22/2008
MGoPoints: 1567

I like your points about how it's useful to set some goals to try to live up to even though you know you won't fully meet them. You'll probably accomplish more than if you have no goals at all. As for wht we don't need a mascot, I'd just go with a simpler rule: if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

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August 3rd, 2011 at 8:14 PM | Ugh. I so wish all of the (Score:4 Normal)
His Dudeness
His Dudeness's picture
Joined: 11/24/2008
MGoPoints: 13558

Ugh. I so wish all of the mascot talk would just go away. Pretend like it never happend. Awful. We don't need a mascot because we aren't a fucking rinky dink NBA team based on stupid side show entertainment. The quality football and the boys are so much more than a dumb mascot shootin hot dogs and t-shirts into the seated grey hairs. Well put, Miso.

or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.

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August 5th, 2011 at 2:42 AM | best (Score:2)
IncrediblyBLUE
Joined: 03/26/2011
MGoPoints: 590

comment i've ever read of yours, el duderino

Coach Hoke once told me that a moral victory is still a (expletive deleted) loss.

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August 3rd, 2011 at 8:24 PM | and because.... (Score:1)
Big Will the Gazelle
Joined: 08/03/2011
MGoPoints: 296

a wolverine would be too dangerous to let loose 

"...when the ole' season is over, you and I know, it's going to be Michigan again; Michigan!"

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August 3rd, 2011 at 8:37 PM | Well put.  I would be pretty (Score:2)
stmccoy
stmccoy's picture
Joined: 10/07/2009
MGoPoints: 646

Well put.  I would be pretty irate if Michigan ever adopted a mascot.  It feels cheap to me. 

HELLO HEISMAN!

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August 3rd, 2011 at 8:56 PM | Agree. mascots are mostly (Score:1)
althegreat23
althegreat23's picture
Joined: 05/30/2011
MGoPoints: 1233

Agree. mascots are mostly annoying.

"A Michigan Man will coach a Michigan Team"

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August 3rd, 2011 at 9:42 PM | You know what else is cheap? (Score:2)
brandanomano
brandanomano's picture
Joined: 09/05/2009
MGoPoints: 4402

You know what else is cheap? Free t-shirts.

Special Teams means special times!

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August 3rd, 2011 at 9:40 PM | Rally time! (Score:5 Normal)
swamyblue
swamyblue's picture
Joined: 11/01/2010
MGoPoints: 1882

"Don't stop your feet on contact!"

-Brady Hoke

Newsflash, if we don't win Rose Bowl '13 we will have little choice but to lay the blame on Kate Upton.  That is all!

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August 3rd, 2011 at 10:32 PM | I Like this part. (Score:2)
Michigan Arrogance
Michigan Arrogance's picture
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 4294
  • You can cheer because the best things about our state: integrity, hard work, engineering, business, nature, and beauty, are embodied by its oldest and greatest institution.

 

also, I'm gonna be putting in for OT hours for the last 2 weeks (July !), who should I submit the time sheets too?

Harvard: The MICHIGAN of the East

We're not arrogant, we're just better.

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August 3rd, 2011 at 10:47 PM | Our mascots are: Brady, (Score:1)
thisisme08
thisisme08's picture
Joined: 12/02/2008
MGoPoints: 1459

Our mascots are: Brady, Howard, Edwards, Woodson, Biakabutuka, Dierdorf, Long, Schembechler, Harmon, Oosterbaan and Kramer.  Ask any 5 year old Michigan fan and I can almost bet you he will name at least one of those.  

Blue is Faster

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August 4th, 2011 at 8:39 AM | I was hooked for life when (Score:3 Normal)
SMFH58
Joined: 04/11/2011
MGoPoints: 70

I was hooked for life when attending a game as a 13 year old the public address anouncer said Bo Schembechler's win/loss/tie record.

"No man is more important than The Team. No coach is more important than The Team. The Team, The Team, The Team" - Bo

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August 4th, 2011 at 4:43 PM | DENARD! (Score:1)
profitgoblue
Joined: 09/01/2009
MGoPoints: 19415

How could you forget me?

IMG_3524.JPG

Disgruntled former moderator.  I got a lot of problems with you people!

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August 3rd, 2011 at 11:12 PM | posted from iPhone (Score:3 Normal)
Michael Scarn
Michael Scarn's picture
Joined: 01/21/2011
MGoPoints: 1191

I was really hoping this was just going to be a list of all our great players over the years. I perceive a mascot to be a personification of a school/team's values/characteristics/attitude. Under that definition we've got hundreds of mascots, by my count. Every great player who has touched that banner and gone on to represent the university properly is a mascot for me.



I didn't need a dude sweating in a furry suit pantomiming around when I was a kid, I had Charles Woodson shoulder shaking, launching into to the stratosphere on an MSU sideline, and gripping a rose between his teeth and a bronze statue in his arms.



And if you think a kid today being properly brought up (watching Michigan) doesn't feel that way about Denard, you're crazy.

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August 3rd, 2011 at 11:13 PM | At the end of the day, we (Score:1)
jcgold
jcgold's picture
Joined: 07/27/2009
MGoPoints: 2300

At the end of the day, we sell out every game w/o a mascot.  State, who has arguablly the most recognized mascot in college sports, Sparty, fails to sell out despite having a stadium that holds 37,000 fewer seats.

If that doesn't prove the mascot case, I don't know what will.

"Michigan isn't going to lose a game" - Fielding Yost, 1901

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August 3rd, 2011 at 11:48 PM | The Helmet (Score:2 Normal)
bluesouth
bluesouth's picture
Joined: 11/02/2008
MGoPoints: 2345

This was the "mascot" if you will that got me as a kid.

 "Runnnn!!! get to da choppa"

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August 4th, 2011 at 8:09 AM | That's right (Score:3 Normal)
Six Zero
Six Zero's picture
Joined: 09/05/2008
MGoPoints: 10153

4 out of 5 kids would take that beautiful helmet over any slob in a furry suit.  You don't go telling a 132-year old institution what it needs to get better.

Dang rook journalists....

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August 4th, 2011 at 9:50 AM | yup (Score:1)
triangle_M
triangle_M's picture
Joined: 03/09/2011
MGoPoints: 1615

And Boom goes the dynamite.  Winged helmets ftw.

 


And when we play as a team, when the old season is over, you and I know it’s going to be Michigan again. Michigan!

 

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August 3rd, 2011 at 11:51 PM | Beautifully stated (Score:1)
hart4eva
hart4eva's picture
Joined: 02/21/2011
MGoPoints: 183

Beautifully stated. I'm getting to read this now after working 12+ hours and it has made my day. Thank you.

"Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules." - Walter Sobchak

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August 4th, 2011 at 12:00 AM | Good diary, but... (Score:3 Normal)
HHW
HHW's picture
Joined: 10/26/2008
MGoPoints: 2150

Hoke could have done it in two words, "We're Michigan."

I just destroyed that toilet with a huge Rosenberg.

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August 4th, 2011 at 8:30 AM | Thanks for the summary of why (Score:1)
74polSKA
74polSKA's picture
Joined: 05/25/2011
MGoPoints: 1218

Thanks for the summary of why I root for Michigan.  I started out just trying to be different from my classmates, but I always knew as I grew older that there really was something different about being a Michigan fan.  It was something that I felt but also something I could see and hear when players and coaches were interviewed.  Reading your letter makes me proud of my fandom and helps me understand my Michiganness (I love that word).

By the way, I caught parts of the PBS documentary "Wolverine:  Chasing the Phantom" last night.  I'm sure this has been posted before, but it's really worth a watch.  Another reason we don't need a contrived mascot is the real wolverine is such an amazing animal and embodies the Michigan spirit so well. 

Finally, the only time a mascot has done anything worth watching was when MY mascot beat the crap out of THEIR mascot.

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August 4th, 2011 at 9:38 AM | That's one of my favorite YouTube videos of all time (Score:2 Normal)
True Blue Grit
True Blue Grit's picture
Joined: 01/21/2011
MGoPoints: 1216

If we ever do get a mascot (and I hope we don't), I think we know who we'll hire to wear the suit. 

"You owe it to every man, woman, and child in the State of Michigan to beat the Buckeyes and silence their fans!  Now go out there and make it happen!"

- Bo Schembechler (Result: U-M 22  OSU 0)

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August 4th, 2011 at 11:48 AM | I never get tired of that picture (Score:2)
a2husker
a2husker's picture
Joined: 12/20/2009
MGoPoints: 135

I'm someone who didn't buy a Big Chill shirt because I didn't want an Arby's logo dead center on my chest, but I'm not going to lie - when saw it coming out of the far tunnel and realized someone made a "mascot" out of a box of curly fries it made my day. Why? Because it's the most ridiculous thing ever, and *somebody* in the decision-making process had to be aware of that. They could have just made it a big cowboy hat, and that would have felt like obvious, cynical branding. But a walking box of curly fries in goal? Genius.

DISCLAIMER: The above was written by someone who cracks up every time the (secondary) mascot in his avatar jumps up and down on his head.


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