Why the criticism hurts

Submitted by bronxblue on
Okay, maybe "hurt" is the wrong word; annoy is probably better

As has been chronicled on this site, UM football has been taking a beating recently both for its on-field performance (both past and presumed future) as well as the myriad of negative stories generated this off-season. Without rehashing or dwelling upon them, I want to address why they bug me (and I suspect others). Bear with me - this is more a cathartic rant than some eloquent point-by-point discussion.

I'm really pissed about the transfers, the expulsions, the APR hits, and the Feagin arrest; not because I am some naive fan who always thought UM was filled with "good guys" who bled maize and blue, but because this just reminds me more and more that nothing is really "pure" anymore. Now, I know that sounds somewhat whimsical and illogical, but hear me out.

My connection with UM didn't start when I entered the school back in '99. It started as a little kid growing up outside Detroit, knowing how good a school it was, how it was a "leader" and the "best", and most importantly, how every fall Saturday this whole state cared about how the Wolverines played that day. Sure, MSU had its fans, but in the 80's and 90's, the trials and triumphs of UM seemed to matter way too much to this state, and I couldn't help but be caught up. So I was bummed out when this team lost in the Rose Bowl to Washington, and I was ecstatic when UM returned the favor the following year. And to this day, I still remember walking down Hoover with my friend and his dad, who scored tickets to some meaningless early-season game against Miami (Not that Miami), awestruck by the beauty of the campus that crisp fall day. And to sit in that stadium, to hear the announcer welcome us all to the biggest stadium in America, the most people watching a football game anywhere, and to see those winged helmet rush onto the field and dominate - well, let's just say that it took Britney Spears dancing around in a schoolgirl outfit before I was that excited again.

So when junior year rolled around and college became the "thing" everyone worried about, I knew the beginning and end of my search. Then, to learn that UM had a world-renowned engineering program, I was sold. So I sweated through the ACTs, through the essays and the AP exams, and hoped that I could attend the school that captured my mind years ago. Then one rainy day my senior year, I sprinted to my jeep and found an envelope on the steering wheel - an envelope emblazoned with the UM Admissions seal (my mother, too nervous to open the letter when it arrived in the mail, had driven to school and left it in my car). I ripped it open, hoping for the best but fearing the worst, and in that first line I saw the word that means way too much to a 17-year-old kid - “congratulations.” I practically lost my mind, in a way that would have made me a worldwide sensation had youtube existed at that time.

But that was only the beginning of my connection with Michigan and, in particular, this football team. My freshman year, I sat with the greybeards while UM held on against Notre Dame, the snow and cold of the HC game against Purdue, and I cared way too much that Carr kept yanking Brady and Henson around at QB (I personally though Brady looked better out there than the hot-shot Henson, but maybe that's a bit of revisionist history). I lost my mind like everyone else in the stands when Phil Brabbs, the goofy guy who lived next to me freshman year in South Quad, booted the game winner against Washington, and then moped around like a jilted lover as the team was dominated by the likes of Iowa(!) and OSU later that year. And no matter what anyone says, I will remain the biggest Marquise Walker fan in the world, all because he blew me and my housemates' minds with his catch against Iowa. And sure, it wasn't all about football while at UM. I loved the Law Quad in the winter, the way the campus looked in the fall and spring, and how everyone on the bus up to North Campus looked close to death come December, wishing they had skipped class that day or become a psych major (no offense). Heck, I met my wife at UM, as well as some of my closest friends. But that football team, that winged helmet, is an essential element of my memories of UM.

So that's why all of this negative press kills me. Not because I care if we get a Fulmer Cup point or if guys like Boren and Wermers were right about this team, or that Rittenberg picks up to finish 9th in the Big 10 or that we are significantly worse than OSU – but because all of these hits dilute, though infinitesimally, my memories of UM. Now I know that sounds crazy – my four years at UM are in the past, and no matter what happens in the future, they should remain untouched. My friends didn't disappear, my degree still means the same, and those football memories still live on unmolested by the transgressions of subsequent years.

But they do, and I don't think you can help it. That is MY school that is being knocked on ESPN; it is MY school with the drug-dealing former player and the 3-9 season; it is MY school that gets run over my PSU, MSU, and OSU, that has to listen to people on the radio and online talk about how the UM mystique is dead and buried. Sure, the academics still are great, and the community and congeniality of UM and its alumni remains strong, but the fact remains that UM is partially defined by the football team, and this recent mediocre string leaves everyone with a taste in their mouth that you just can't spit out.

Perhaps worst of all, though, is that what has happened turns these dynamic memories into buzzwords and cliches. Appy St. Thugs. Rodriguezed. 3-9. It takes everything I've written, everything I lived before, during, and after my time at UM, and distills it down to some meaningless soundbite. And for any fanbase, that is the worst feeling – you see your memories, your ups and downs, your relationship with a team and school belittled by a few words. This happens everywhere – talk to MSU fans, and they have to live with “riots” and “safety school”; OSU fans, “Clarett” and “SEC”; Florida State, “Shoegate.” As a fan, you didn't ask for these black clouds, but that is part of the deal with being a fan – you take the good with the bad. But it still hurts, and it still gnaws at you more than you know it should, and that's why you write 1,000-word blog posts at night instead of doing something more productive.

So I welcome people's opinions and criticisms, their memories and their recommendations for dealing with the realities of this team. I guess I just needed to get this out, even if it makes me seem a little crazy. Part of me is bothered that I care this much about a football team and a school from my past, but part of me is happy that I still feel such a connection with this school and this team, even 5+ years after that envelope rested on my steering wheel.

Comments

marvel99

August 11th, 2009 at 12:21 AM ^

I agree, it does "hurt" a bit when I read all the negative press about UM. But we have to realize, that for most of us life-long fans, this is new. Most of us have never experienced a season like last year. This can not be said of ANY OTHER PROGRAM IN THE NATION. This is why it hurts so much for us. Other schools are used to having ups and downs, good years followed by their own personal 3-9's, but not Michigan. Our time was destined to come sooner or later.

Personally, I feel OK knowing that our time has come now and that we have already made adjustments to our program to prevent this from being a prolonged down era. I believe in RR faithfully, just like I believed in Moeller when he took over for BO, and in Lloyd when he took over for Moeller. When these changes happened, most of us didn't really know these new guys, but we had faith in the M brand, as I do now. RR is the right coach and M will be back on top very soon. Just don't lose your faith.

GO BLUE!

VictorsValiant09

August 11th, 2009 at 1:50 AM ^

Thanks so much for this diary, BronxBlue. It culled memories for me of my own undergraduate time recently completed, and how my fanatical love affair with that Block M will continue to the day I die. Why I still get strange looks from people, and questions from my stepdad who never attended college about my obsession: "Why do you still care so much about some school?" It is MY school.

The day I got my acceptance letter senior year, I was in my high school band room auditioning for a part in Dickens' "Oliver."

My Mom drove to the high school, walked in, and handed me my acceptance letter. I've never been as happy as I was at that moment.

GO BLUE!

The King of Belch

August 11th, 2009 at 5:44 AM ^

You see something on TV when there's one guy among a few other guys, and the one guy says something or asks a question like, "Hey, it should be pretty easy to get parts for a 1952 Studebaker, right?" and the other guys look at each other and then burst out laughing hysterically?

That was how my application to Michigan went down.

3rdGenerationBlue

August 11th, 2009 at 10:17 AM ^

me to join the discussion. Great reminder that it IS great to be a Michigan Wolverine. It was great when my grandfather was there in the 1923 to see a National Championship, and when my Dad was there in 1948 to see a National Championship and when I graduated in 1989 to see a National Championship in basketball and a win in the Rose Bowl. With any luck one of my children will enjoy the experience. Go Blue.

nmwolverine

August 11th, 2009 at 11:00 AM ^

that much more because of the lows of 2007 and 2008, the attacks on our coach, the universal acceptance that the world had passed us by and we would never adapt. The return will be that much sweeter than if we had never been so far down.

HermosaBlue

August 11th, 2009 at 5:33 PM ^

Momentary hijack...

I'm a 5th generation graduate. It's in the blood, going back to my great great grandfather, who was 1883 Law.

My dad played basketball for UM, graduating just before the Cazzie Russell and Bill Buntin teams made 2 consecutive final fours. He missed out on that, but was always proud of the school and the program.

We used to have season tickets for Michigan basketball. We lived in GR and drove down for about half the games every season. As a basketball alum, he usually got to hang out in the tunnel before the games (and so did I, as a result).

In the mid-80s, one of my dad's friends had a son, Garde Thompson, who played on the team. Garde was a 6-1 guard who had range and handle. He lit up Navy for 33 (9/10 3FG/3FGA) the same game David Robinson had 50 in the 1987 tourney. I digress.

Early on during that time, my dad's friend started reporting unsettling things back to him about what was going on in the basketball program. Tarpley had a coke problem. Gary Grant and Roy Tarpley got into a fistfight in the locker room during a game. Guys were taking money.

My dad didn't want to believe it. Then, one day, when we were standing in the tunnel at Crisler about 90 minutes before the game, and we saw, in about a 10 minute span, Antoine Joubert show up in a purple Cadillac, followed by Roy Tarpley and Rich Rellford showing up in full length fur coats. Tarpley had a diamond earring the size of an M&M.

My dad just shook his head. We never went back to the tunnel, and he hasn't renewed his season tickets since.

It sucks to have people snipe at your program from afar, whether it's your rivals, their obnoxious fans, or the media.
But it seems to me it's even worse to see your school's teams corrupted for yourself.

Our one year in the Big Tenleven's cellar was miserable, but likely short-lived. It sucks when they're talking you down, but they're still talking about you. M Basketball was so far down they weren't even part of the conversation any more. Our ten years in the basketball wilderness, from 1998-2008, was deserved, which makes it all the more painful.

Not sure where I'm going with this, other than to say it could be worse. Imagine if Michigan Football had followed the trajectory of Michigan Basketball. For me, it puts things in perspective and reminds me that it's not so bad that everyone outside of the Michigan community is rejoicing in our pain. They're taking their potshots while they can. After basketball's exile, we were getting sympathy wishes from our most bitter rivals, and that's a truly bitter pill to swallow.

Marc 71

August 11th, 2009 at 6:20 PM ^

I actually tingled while reading your post Graduated UM in 71. Was at Bo's first game. Witnessed the upset of Ohio State. Brother graduated in 78. Saw Anthony Carter play. Been bleeding maize and blue and dealing with the yearly heart break for over 40 years (accept for 1997 NC). Was in the Big House for
"The Horror". And now my daughter has just graduated this past spring from UM. I feel very sad that I will no longer get to visit her in Ann Arbor twice a year (and catch two games). Getting there maybe once every 5-10 years will be very tough to take. But there is no doubt in my mind that we will be "back" and very soon. I love UM and my closest friends from 40 years ago are still some of my closest friends. Go Blue!