As I settled in to my Sunday morning routine of smoking a Cuban Cohiba Behike and drinking a coffee liberally flavored with Remy Martin’s Louis VIII’s Black Pearl, I had time to reflect on recent events. My mood is anxious and irritable as I write. Perhaps this is because the platinum bidet in the master suite is on the fritz and I had to use a barely serviceable gold plated bidet in one of my many guest rooms. More likely it is the state of the University of Michigan’s football team and their coaching staff.
Last week, from my swank and remote location and thanks to the interwebs, I was able to review the writing of my home area sports writers. These giants of sports writing, (Carty, Sharp, and others) provided insight into many problems at UoM. After reading these articles, several things were immediately apparent. The first being that the college football season had begun and Michigan had not won all of its games. The second was that Michigan had a new head football coach (why the national news media did not pick up this story is beyond me). The third thing that became clear was that the new coaching staff is not very good.
I have three areas of concern with the new coaching staff. First is the fanaticism of the strength and conditioning staff. They seem even to be regulating what the athletes consume. What gall to deny an offensive lineman a bedtime pizza or two. Have our seventh amendment rights gone by the wayside?!?!
My second concern is the poor recruiting. Michigan used to pwn Little Brother in this area. According to Detroit media, it seems Mark Dantonio has turned the tables on Michigan. In fact, UoM is nowhere to be found in the list of top five football classes for 2009. That will make two years in a row; something Lloyd Carr would never have tolerated.
My final concern came after viewing the Wisconsin game. I have heard reports that “family values” have declined at UoM. This was not evident when viewing the defense. When the offense took the field, it became apparent that these reports are true. The offensive players who were in the past emotionally close enough to hold hands, now position themselves at a greater distance from one another. They even seemed eager, in the first half, to give Wisconsin possession of the football so they could leave the field and get away from one another. The breakdown of “family values” was especially evident in the selfish play of the quarterback. Despite the fact that five good players are competing for playing time at tailback, Mr. Threet selfishly kept the ball for the longest run of the game. If he would have had the decency to hand the ball off, the play would have gone for a touchdown.
Add to these concerns the new coach’s comfort with breaking with tradition and the circumstances surrounding his departure from his previous job and I think it is obvious Michigan football is headed in the wrong direction. I say it is time to fire Mr. Rodriguez and hire a more stable and tradition oriented head coach. Perhaps we could lure Kirk Ferentz away from Iowa as they are having another poor season. Who’s with me?
If so, keep up the fantastic work....
Give this man a t-shirt.
I am confused about "In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law." correlates to pizza consumption, however.
Long time lister, first time caller. I know you and Chitown don't offer false praise, Dex.
Perhaps I picked an amendment number at random (avoiding the first through fifth which are better known) to illustrate the average American's lack of legal knowledge. Or maybe I am infuriated by Mr. Barwis being a self-styled arbiter or all things fitness. How dare he. Bedtime pizza has a place in this man's fitness plan.
If I knew how to post pictures in here, I'd find and post a .gif of the "slow clap" from Citizen Kane.
Well done, Mr. Sammylittle. You, sir, may have some coffee.
That first paragraph is a beauty.
Is sure to be mighty impudiadepticated and befuzzlecuted with your post. You're stepping on his toes.
You failed to use "loosed" though.
Must have loosed my train of thought at a critical juncture.
the shit. More please.
Although the use of the word "pwn" sticks out about as much as a good pitcher does on the Tigers.
Can't wait for next week installment!
I will attempt another installment soon, but may be delayed; times being what they are.
A message from The Man Keeping You Down:
"Ahem. Firstly, I have a titanium bidet as everyone knows platinum chaps the arse. Secondly, I have instructed my assistant to write you a strongly worded letter. Strongly. Worded. Finally, ckersh is correct about using 'pwn', I don't really know what that means. Right-o, off with you ruffians, back to your squalid little dorm rooms and duplexes."
Well, sounds like there's a three martini lunch in his future.
now just tell us you're black and rattle off some 2nd grade "i know you are, but what am I" type rebuttals and this famously good work will be a true masterpiece...
I'm curious about your comment that MSU is whipping us in recruiting. I was watching CBSC the other day, possibly yesterday but no later than Monday, and they had Michigan listed in the top 10 so far for recruiting. I don't recall MSU being in the top 10, but I could be wrong. Also, different recruiting lists rank differently.
Even so, I'm glad there's someone else who is not sure they're in love with Rich coming to Michigan, because on mlive.com a lot of fans try to make it seem like you're not a real Michigan fan if you say anything against him/his staff. Personally, I find Rodriguez to be kind of fake. This could be why we hear things from the inside about "family values," but why he seems like a nice guy to the media. In addition, does anyone watch "Inside Michigan Football"? I believe that is where I saw a Michigan D player say he hated Rodriguez "at first."
I'm not sure I want Ferentz, but boy, I was watching a little of Boise State smack Louisiana Tech and thought maybe we should have stolen that coach. I saw his name thrown around by the media a little bit last season when Carr announced his retirement. The position that BSU coach keeps putting that program in amazes me.
I'm looking mainly at in-state recruiting because that is where most of
the good players come from. MSU is establishing a pattern of taking
our local recruits probably because of the erroded family values.
RichRod comes off as too harsh. He and the S&C staff are too hard
on the players. What we need is more of a gentleman. We missed the
real gem of the WVU coaching staff when we passed on Coach Stew.
Are you serious Ren? I'm having trouble differentiating between truth and sarcasm now, thanks sammylittle.
But when you see the changes in the WVU football program over the next two years, you will be amazed. Coach Stew will have WVU on a completely differently level than Coach Rod left it.
If Sammy's post got an A++++++++ then his response to Ren gets an A+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I feel like the voice of reason in the woods here. Both UoM and WVU are 2-2. When you really think about it Coach Stew had the more difficult task this year. He inherited a bunch of Seniors who will obviously adapt more slowly to a coaching change than the bunch of Freshman Coach Rod has to work with. When Coach Stew gets some new kids into his program, we will really see how his coaching ability has changed WVU.