Ugly Game of the Week: Week 1 Edition

Submitted by stubob on

Back by popular demand, or maybe entirely despite it, I return for my third year providing your weekly primer in what not to watch. Last year, no team pulled off the shutout, but 12 teams had 2 or fewer wins. Welcome to the list, Memphis. Elsewhere, New Mexico managed to go 1-11 and not finish last in their conference. The mighty MAC had no less than 4 teams with two wins or less. So without further ado, let's get into it.

Thursday
In what can only be considered premature ejacuation for the football season, there are no less than 15 games on Thursday. Leading off is Bowling Green versus Idaho. Yes, a mediocre team from the MWC plays a bad team from the MAC. BG was 2-10 last season, and Idaho managed 6 wins against the likes of North Dakota and New Mexico State. They lost to Colorado State, which should sum up the season nicely.
 
Friday
Friday bring just two games, but combined they make the inaugral "Overrated Playoff." #17 Michigan State plays Youngstown State, and #14 TCU plays Baylor. Now, as a (new) rule, I will try not to mention FCS games, (or EMU) because it's like putting baby ducks into a barrel full of pirahnas: no one wants to watch, and we all know what's going to happen. I recommend just going drinking, or play NCAA '12 and pretend there are good games on.
 
Saturday
Saturday continues the long tradition of games tagged "Great, if it's basketball", with North Carolina playing James Madison. Seriously, who knew JMU had a football team? Do then know this isn't an intermural game? Bonus: it's on ESPN3. Duke versus Richmond falls in this category as well. Honorable mention goes to Oklahoma versus Tulsa on FX. Prepare for many gratuitous shots of the crowd/band/bags of chips from FX. The only thing that can save FX's football coverage is if they let the cast of Archer call the game in character. I'd watch it. Actually, I'd go out and buy a TiVo just for that purpose and then put the game
on a permanent loop in my house.
 
Sunday
In ESPN's continuing quest to have college football on the air 24/7 (a mission I wholly endorse, and not just for the purpose of this column), there are two Sunday night games.  The big one is SMU plays #8 Texas A&M, and #8 is coincidently 3 less than the number of hookers Craig James is said to have killed while playing at SMU. But don't expect ESPN to bring that up at all. (This is a joke, for the humour-impared)
 
Monday
Rounding out five straight days of college football action, we get Miami(YTM) versus Maryland in the "Open Tryouts Preceeding the Game" bowl. Look for plenty of road cones, office equipment, mascots, and grass to play key roles in Miami's roster, as up to 12 players may be suspended. Bonus points to Maryland if they manage to lose anyway.

Comments

maineandblue

August 30th, 2011 at 11:15 PM ^

I'm sure they will, and in less than 6 years. JMU (my employer) and VT are in the same state, only ~2 hrs apart. JMU rotates playing one regional FBS schools (UNC this year) every year. This is different than Michigan setting up a rematch w/ App State, which was originally a random match up and is an absolutely horrible idea for a rematch (as we all know).

virgilthechicken

August 29th, 2011 at 1:02 PM ^

First it was the rumor that Craig James killed 5 hookers at SMU, now it's 11? Let's put these heinous rumors to bed, like the bed Craig James is said to have used prior to killing 5 hookers at SMU. That did not happen and Craig James is totally innocent of killing 5 hookers while at SMU.

Hillbilly Jihad

August 29th, 2011 at 1:13 PM ^

We all know that Craig killed no less than 12 hookers at SMU, and the only reason it's not highger is that some chicks did not charge him prior.  If you combine hookers and skanks the number is over 20 and he should be locked in a closet with his kid for a very, very long time.

BlueVoix

August 29th, 2011 at 3:38 PM ^

I kind of want that Idaho - BGSU game to kick off at noon.  I mean, they'd probably get just as many sick, college football depraved viewers anyway.

Engin77

August 29th, 2011 at 3:54 PM ^

It's never a good thing when the opposing teams wear the same color, (see Wiscy vs Indiana), you have to check the logos on the fans to tell for whom they are rooting. Add the promise of a very one-sided game and it all adds up to some ugly television ...

caliblue

August 29th, 2011 at 6:14 PM ^

correct me if I'm wrong ( I'm sure you will ) but I think there are many more midwesterners in Nor Cal than So Cal. That game would not do well here either, but other B1G teams would draw well here.

OHbornUMfan

August 29th, 2011 at 8:41 PM ^

Not too long ago they were National Champs, knocking off Appy State (ytas) on the way and winning a tough road game in Montana.  Incidentally, they accomplished this the year after Tim Hightower matriculated to the NFL. 

They are regularly competitive with UVA, so there's really not much reason to think that Duke will annihilate them.