ST3

    I am subdued. I am lethargy, personified. I died the death of 1000 cuts in the form of 71 carries, all of which went for exactly 4.1 yards, except I survived. Arkansas didn’t. Wisconsin didn’t. That’s worth remembering. I’m not sure what more I can add to Ace’s game recap. This game was one giant serving of déjà vu. Replace Air Force with Indiana and a ball control running game with a ball control passing game and we’ve been here before.

Link: http://www.mgoblue.com/sports/m-footbl/stats/090812aaa.html

Deja Link: http://scores.espn.go.com/ncf/boxscore?gameId=302750084

Burst of Impetus

• Air Force didn’t turn the ball over, but they only went 2 for 5 on fourth down. They missed a field goal, and were stopped on a fake field goal. That’s six points. That’s the margin of victory. Ugh.
• Denard threw an interception that once again deflected off a receiver’s hands. AF turned that into 7 points.
• The key sequence of the game to me was the start of the third quarter. Denard ran for a TD to put us up 21-10. We followed that up with a nice kickoff and a derpity return from AF. They were starting at their own 11. If we hold them there, get the ball back and score, game almost over, right? Instead, they ran for 20 and picked up another 10 on a defensive holding call (discussed below). All of a sudden, they’re at midfield. They eventually punched it in after moving 88 yards in 14 plays and we’ve got a ballgame on our hands.

_____________

• That’s not a misprint. That’s this blogger’s way of saying our defense does not have an identity. Last year’s unit was an aggressive, attacking, sometimes reckless, blitzing group, that was lead by trash cans full of dirt Martin, Van Bergen, and Heininger. Additionally, we had Kovacs eliminating the long gains from the Gerg years, and Thomas Gordon creating turnovers, again and again. Kovacs and Gordon are still around, but the turnovers have disappeared. Regression to the mean sucks.
• What do we have this year? Some experienced, but limited seniors, and some talented, but inexperienced freshman. In addition to tackles, the defensive stats are: FF FR-Yd Intc BrUp Blkd Sack/Yds QH. Look down those columns. Go ahead, I’ll wait. This is what you see. “ . . . .“ Lots and lots of dots. There were two pass breakups by Jake Ryan in the last three defensive plays of the game, and one by Frank Clark. That’s it. That’s to be expected somewhat since Air Force mostly ran the ball, but even the TFLs were limited. We had 7 TFLs for a grand, stinking total of 9 yards. Where is the aggressive, attacking unit of 2011? Yeah, I know Martin and Van Bergen are no longer around, but where are the run blitzes from the safeties and corners? Why weren’t we attacking the edge instead of letting Air Force continually get to the boundary?
• Seven of the 22 players in the defensive stats are freshmen or redshirt freshmen. I get the feeling Mattison is trying to develop some depth for the conference schedule. Compare this to Air Force, who only had 12 players register a defensive stat. Time of possession is meaningless, but total plays matter. It looks like Air Force was able to play their first string defense for the entire game.

Ermahgerd Dehrnerd

• Wow, wasn’t Denard’s first TD run exciting (and reminiscent of the 2010 IU game?) Oh, who am I kidding, my power went out for the first quarter and I missed it. It reminded me of last year’s home opener where I missed the fourth quarter, because they didn’t play it. For next year’s home opener, I will be occupying a bunker in an undisclosed location.
• Denard has 200/200 vision. 200+ yards running and passing. As someone commented after the game, he had 101% of our total offense, because the -11 yards he accrued for the end of game kneel downs go as “TEAM” yards.

Zonkeys

• The home plate umpire in the Tiger-Angel game took a foul ball off the face mask and had to leave the game. That’s a suitable reminder that the men who officiate our games have a difficult job, so I’ll make the annual disclaimer that I don’t really think the refs are zonkeys.
• The thing that stood out to me was that Air Force got 4 first downs from penalties. We were having enough trouble stopping them, giving them four more first downs with penalties is inexcusable. Two of our defensive penalties were holding calls on Will Campbell. Since that is such a rarely called penalty, I watched those plays several times in slow-motion. On both, the center engages with Campbell, and the guard comes over to double team. This causes Campbell to get pancaked. As he’s falling, he grabs the center’s shoulder pad with one hand, to break his fall. On the first one, the guard hits him low and this should have been called an offensive penalty for a chop block. While both were technically holding, they were no different than almost any other play, and both Air Force runs went to the sideline. Campbell’s holds were half a field away from the action and had zero impact on the play.
• On Air Force’s first TD, they broke out a play from the CFL playbook, as the flanker (A-back?) stepped back, turned around, and had a running start forward as the ball was snapped. The fact that it happened right in front of the line judge only further boggles my mind. How is that call missed?

Passing Game Stuff

• Funchess gets my brother’s stamp of approval. Mine too, but I will not compare him to Antonio Gates to avoid getting negged by Magnus. (My first ever neg was from Magnus for comparing Cam Gordon to Ronnie Lott. You never forget your first time. When I screw up, I really screw up.) Funchess caught four balls for 106 yards and 1 TD. I’m sure you’ve seen the Jerame Tuman comparison by now.
• Gardner looked more like a WR, probably because he wasn’t being defended by Milliner, but also because his routes were more precise and shorter. There was none of that looking over both shoulders stuff from a week ago. He caught 5 balls for 63 yards with a long of 20 and a TD.
• Jeremy Jackson looked like a nice big target to me. Roundtree still doesn’t look 100%. When you can’t get separation from an Air Force DB, something’s wrong.

Hexadecimal Points

• Michigan wore traditional jerseys with maize block Ms on their socks. I liked it.
• Air Force apparently only recruits guys named “Freedom” and “Service.” I think all the odd numbered guys had “Service” and all the even numbered guys had “Freedom.” I hope that didn’t give Brandon any ideas. (Leaders/Legends? No, don’t go there, please, no.)
• Royce Jenkins-Stone is our 2^ndhexadecimalist of the year, showing up as 5B.
• Jake Ryan wore the #47 Bennie Oosterbaan jersey. My brother requested that I research Oosterbaan and provide some interesting connection between Jake and Bennie. I reminded him I’m not getting paid for this. I do remember J.P. Oosterbaan, but I’m afraid Bennie was before my time.

Announcers’ Derpity Derp

• The announcers were Bob Wischusen and Danny Kanell. Like I said, I missed the 1^stquarter due to the power outage, and spent the 2^ndquarter talking to my brother, which was weird because he DVR’d the game and was 20 minutes behind me, so I couldn’t tell him how great Funchess was doing.
• After the game, Danny Kanell said something about Michigan fans being anxious about the game “if you just read the boxscore.” As your resident boxscorologist, it is my job to assuage your anxiety. Sorry, I got nothin’ for you this week.
• I got a light blue screen of death with 2+ minutes left in the fourth quarter. Fortunately, they got the game back on in time for us to see Jake Ryan take over. I know we’re supposed to avoid politics on the blog, but I watched major portions of both conventions and I don’t recall hearing one speaker discuss our nation’s most pressing issue – that being technical difficulties disrupting college football games.

I’ll Take Bullets for a Thousand, Alex

• Did someone forget to tell Fitz Toussaint that his suspension was over? Maybe we didn’t miss him that much against Alabama.
• Total plays: M 56, AF 90. Total first downs: M: 19, AF: 26.
• Look at the 2010 Indiana boxscore, total first downs: M: 15, IU: 35. Ace, things aren't that bad.
• Air Force gained 417 yards. Last week, Alabama got 431 yards of total offense. I said I would be happy if we held the rest of our opponents under this total. I lied.
• Our opponent’s bullets are real bullets. I wish all those guys nice, long careers in peace time.

Norfleet, Wile

• Toward the end of last season, I made the audacious claim that “we haz special teams.” Norfleet and Wile are doing well, and Gibbons made a field goal. The net yards per punt was only 31.3 yards. Part of that is a reflection of where we were punting from, but we also lost 20 yards of gross yardage due to a touchback.
• Air Force’s average yards per punt was 53.5 yards, with a net of 53.0. What happened to Gallon’s ~10 yards per return average? It’s still early in the season, but punt coverage and punt returns need some work.

Game Soundtrack

• Last week, I discussed “Sweet Home Alabama.” Earlier this year, I reviewed last season with Iron Maiden songs. This blog celebrates with Muppets and drowns sorrows with Morrissey. So I’m going to try adding this section to the diary. Last week, my Johnny Cash Pandora station played, “Sunshine on my Shoulder,” by John Denver. Growing up, my family had John Denver sings with the Muppets on 8-track tape. We wore that thing out. Denver is in Colorado, Air Force is in Colorado, and the home opener was just around the corner. This line from the song took me back to those home openers I used to enjoy so much with Dad, in Section 11, Row 74, seats 5 and 6: “Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy.” It seemed like every home opener was sunny and warm, and the day ended with half my face sunburned and a victory, because Bo always won those home openers. The next line is, “Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry.” What made me cry was the cigar smoke from the guys in Row 73, seats 5 and 6. Sometimes, déjà vu’s not such a bad thing.

      Am I really going to do this again, this season? Yeah, I guess I am. I have very little personal insight to bring to the table when it comes to Alabama. One of my best friends from my Rackham days is from Tallapoosa County, Alabama. In the “Greatest County Names” contest, there is Tallapoosa County, and there is everyone else. It’s near Wetumpka, Alabama, in case you were wondering. I also love “Sweet Home Alabama,” by Lynyrd Skynyrd. However, I have always wondered about these lyrics in the song: “Now Watergate does not bother me, Does your conscience bother you? Tell the truth.” What the hell does that even mean? Why doesn’t a President of the United States resigning in disgrace bother him? And better yet, what is the relationship between Alabama and Watergate? I was a toddler when Watergate went down, so if anybody has any idea what that’s all about, please let me know. Hey, it’s better than rehashing the game. Coincidentally, Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Sweet Home Alabama” also beat Kid Rock’s Michigan-based ode to “Sweet Home Alabama,” titled, “All Summer Long,” by a final score of 41-14.

      You don’t want to go there. Seriously, trust me, you don’t want to go there. Wouldn’t you rather I link you to Morrissey’s complete catalogue, pictures of tire fires, or nuclear bombs going off? No, you want the link. OK, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Link: http://www.mgoblue.com/sports/m-footbl/stats/090212aaa.html

Burst of Impetus

• I’m starting fresh this season with section titles, but this one is too good not to hold over. It’s for momentum changing plays.
• Things started great for UofM, holding Bama to 1 yard in their first series. However, Bama got off a great punt and flipped the field. We did manage to eak out a first down and seemed to have some momentum, even considering the slightly off slant patterns. Then we got hit with the 15 yarder on Lewan, when off-setting penalties should have been called. It all went downhill after that.
• I also thought we were in trouble this week when I heard Brady gave out 7 scholarships to walk-ons. I’m sure they are worthy, and I’m happy for them, but that kind of thing just does not happen at Bama. We are still a little thin on the depth chart, and when some players get suspended and some get injured early in the game, the talent gap starts to widen. It will improve, but we’re not there yet.

Sometimes, poop is just poop

• This better not be a recurring section, but in my season prediction email to my brother, I suggested that some regression to the mean was to be expected. I even made the blasphemous statement that we might find out that Brady Hoke’s poop is not made of gold. Well, on almost all of the 50-50 plays, they went Bama’s way. For example:
• Gallon caught a 71 yard pass when he needed 71.1 yards. (Flashbacks to Illinois, STOP IT PLEASE!!!)
• On 4^thand 3, Denard seemingly stretched for the first down, only to have replay overrule the play because his elbow went down before the sticks.
• Early in the game, Rawls was facemasked while Lewan took someone’s helmet off. Guess who got the penalty?
• Bama downed a punt at the 1 foot line. It seemed like several players had a chance to bring the ball into the endzone with them, but the ball someone managed to stay at the one. This lead to the pick-six. Poop.
• The one time Bama turned the ball over, it was at the end of the half and we couldn’t benefit from it. Poop. Lousy, stinky, poop.

Ermahgerd, Kehrvacks

• This is the all-encompassing section on the defense. I think “Kehrvacks” sounds funnier than “Dehrnerd,” and they are both captains, so Jordan gets the ermahgerd treatment.
• If you look hard enough, there were a few good things. We held Lacy to 3.9 YPC and Hart to 2.1. But this points to the talent advantage Bama has. When option 1 and 3 aren’t working, go with option 2. Yeldon had 11 carries for 111 yards.
• We had 3 sacks and 9 TFLs, but the TFLs were all of the 1 and 2 yard variety. We didn’t really get any penetration. Two of the TFLs were from Brink late in the game. I’m wondering if maybe he sees more time in the future, particularly against less beefy teams. If there is any second guessing by Mattison this week, I suspect it will be the decision to try to match size with Bama. Perhaps a quicker line might have been able to sneak through, but I doubt it. Bama’s O-Line is NFL ready.
• McCarron was only 11 for 21, and we forced several throwaways. What happened to intentional grounding? Is that not a penalty anymore? I thought chucking the ball into the stands was a penalty. No? OK, let’s just move on.
• We held Bama to only 431 yards. They may be the best offense we face all year. If we can hold everyone else under 431, I’ll be happy.
• The bad news was that 3 of our top 4 tacklers were DBs. Demens only had 3 tackles. I’m worried about the UFR, but that’s to be expected after giving up 41 points (and yes, the defense was only responsible for 34.)
• Morgan had 8 tackles, but they were all assisted tackles, which epitomizes the game. In all of the one-on-one matchups, we lost. Bama was just more “-er” than us, bigger, stronger, faster, tougher. I avoided watching Bama last season because I hate that “ESS EEE SEE” crap, but there’s no denying how good they are.
• 25 guys registered at least one tackle. Some of that was blow-out time stuff, but it seemed like Mattison was searching for something that would work.

Ermahgerd, Dehrnerd?

• You had to see this title coming a mile away, right? Hopefully, we get rid of the “?” next week.
• Denard ran 10 times for 27 net yards. He ran for a TD. Going into the game, one of the stats I saw more than once was how many runs Denard has had of 10 yards or longer in the past two seasons. His long this game was 9 yards. I don’t blame Borges for keeping the carries down. Without Fitz, Bama was free to tee off on Denard. I think it was more important to keep him relatively healthy than run him 25 times and leave him a bloody pulp at the end in a futile attempt to keep it close.
• Denard was 11 for 26 passing with 2 INTs. One of the INTs was the official’s fault for not calling pass interference, or Roundtree’s fault for letting himself be treated like a ragdoll.
• Denard threw for 200 yards, helped greatly by a 71 yard bomb to Gallon. It looked like Bama was giving up the long ball, but Denard and Devin are not in sync yet. Give it time, this duo will be all right by season’s end.

Zonkeys

• The local news had a story about how there was a rare zonkey at the LA county fair this week. That’s a combination of a zebra and a jackass, I mean, a donkey. I can’t think of a more fitting description of the officiating.
• I was a little surprised to see that we were called for more penalties, and for significantly more yards. UM: 8-99, Bama: 7-55. The game reminded me of the 2000 Orange Bowl game we played against them when they set a record with 18 penalties for 132 yards, only the officials didn’t use their flags this game.
• I know Bama has 3 pre-season all-Americans on their O-line, but that doesn’t mean they can hold with impunity. I’m sure Blue Seoul will have some examples, but that’s not the reason we lost.

Passing Game Stuff

• Gallon looks to be the guy, at least until Devin and Denard get more comfortable.
• Roundtree caught two passes late. He better step up, or else I’m going to question that 21 patch he has. Maybe he’s still <100% after the surgery. I hope that’s the reason, because we can’t rely on a 5’ 8” #1 receiver and a converted QB to be the only options.
• More Dileo please. He only caught one ball, but wasn’t targeted that often.
• Kwiatkowski caught one pass for 6 yards. DAMN YOU RODRIGUEZ! I want moar tight ends!!!

Hexadecimal Points

• I was going to skip this section as well this year, but Jareth Glanda registered a tackle as #5D. After his Sugar Bowl heroics, any time I can send the love his way, you know I will.
• James Ross shows up in the boxscore as “Ross III, James.” ST3 approves. I wonder if he ever gets mail addressed to him as James Ross Iii?

Announcers’ Derpity Derp

• I was going to wait until we got to the meat of the BIG 10 Network portion of the schedule for this, but “Devin Smith?” Pound for pound, he’s the toughest guy who doesn’t exist on our roster.

I’ll Take Bullets for a Thousand, Alex

• Hagerup did get off some boomers, but our average Net Yards per punt was only 35.3, 16 yards less than our average punt distance. Bama, on the other hand, netted 46.2 yards on a 47 yard average. That’s coverage.
• While Norfleet looked good, the average kick return was only 22.1 yards. When a touchback takes you out to the 25, I’m not so impressed by 22 yards. It was clearly better than last season.
• Wile: 3 kickoffs, 3 touchbacks. Dude has a leg.
• Time of possession is meaningless. We had the ball for 28:34 to their 31:26. We also had 56 offensive plays to their 63. It seemed like a lot worse than that.

    I’m not a superstitious person, but it’s fun to pretend that there are signs, or that ordinary objects can possess special powers. For example, I often break out the M boxer shorts for big games. Our track record hasn’t been so good in big games recently, so I left the boxer shorts in the dresser drawer for this game. There were two signs that if I were the sort to believe in such things, portended a bright future for the Michigan football team.

    First, prior to the game I was listening to my Johnny Cash Pandora station. Out of nowhere, the station started playing “Jambalaya”, by Hank Williams. So what you say? Well, this past weekend I posted a diary comparing M football games to Iron Maiden songs, picking out particularly relevant lyrics. The lyrics to Jambalaya?

Jambalaya, a crawfish pie and a fillet a gumbo…

Son of a gun, we’ll have big fun on the bayou…

    The reason this song stood out besides the obvious connection to New Orleans, the Sugar Bowl, and the hope that we’d have big fun at the game, is that my mom would sing this song whenever she cooked Jambalaya. That seems reasonable, except that she wasn’t from the south and never sang any other songs while cooking that I recall. It’s as if something was preparing me from an early age for this year’s Sugar Bowl.

    I hope I’ve established the musical connection. Well, the second sign that occurred was the National Anthem being sung by one of the actors from Mad Men (one of my favorite shows) while accompanied by a clarinetist. As a youth, I played the clarinet (until a bizarre badminton accident claimed three of my teeth, but that’s a story for another day.) How often have you seen someone play the National Anthem on the clarinet? For me, the answer was none, until this year’s Sugar Bowl. So as you read through this thoroughly depressing set of stats, remember, that none of these numbers matter except the final score, because this was all preordained. You can’t argue with the signs.

Link: http://www.mgoblue.com/sports/m-footbl/stats/010412aaa.html

Bonus Link: www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1VY3D4B9WU&NR=1&feature=endscreen

Burst of Impetus

• It’s been awhile since the OSU game, so let me remind you what this section is all about. Basically, it presents the big momentum changing plays of the game. The biggest play was the first 4^thand 1 where we stopped VT. Instead of them kicking the FG to go up 9-0, they went for the kill. Martin, Van Bergen and Will Campbell came up with a huge stop. That stopped their momentum.
• Of course, that wouldn’t have meant much if we couldn’t get anything going offensively. When VT got hit with a roughing the punter penalty, it gave us some momentum which allowed the 45 yard TD pass later in the drive.
• At the end of the game, the impetus was swinging back and forth like a tennis ball at Roland Garros (that’s the clay surface where points take forever, as opposed to Wimbledon where it’s one and done.)

Trash Cans Full of Dirt

• I went through the play-by-play link and looked at Virginia Tech’s third and fourth down plays. They converted third downs of 1, 8, 9, 12, 13, and 20 yards. Their average third down conversion was on 3^rd and 10.5 yards to go. We stopped them on third down and 3, 3, 4, 5, 5, 7, 7, 11, and 20 yards to go. So the average down and distance to go when we stopped them was 3^rd and 6.1. That seems just a little backwards. It’s even weirder on fourth down, where we stopped them twice on 4^th and one, but they converted 4^th and 11.
• So why did VT have more success on longer down and distance plays? I think the rush suffered from Van Bergen’s early injury and the fact that Thomas is one big dude. His ability to see over the rush was key to finding the open receivers. On third or fourth and short, they tried running and we lived up to the “Trash Cans Full of Dirt” nickname earned in game 1 I believe. On one 4^th and one, they tried a QB sneak right into the center of Martin, Van Bergen, and Will Campbell. That was the initial burst of impetus that started turning things around for us.
• 20 players show up in the defensive stats, including 4 tackles for Elliott Mealer. I believe those actually belong to Frank Clark, unless Elliott became a special teams monster without me noticing.
• Kovacs lead the team with 11 tackles, followed by Morgan and Martin with 10 apiece. While I like the balance (a DB, an LB, and a DL) I don’t like having three guys with double digit tackles. We couldn’t keep VT off the field, and when we did stop their drive, our offense couldn’t sustain anything, leading to a large discrepancy in total plays: 76 for VT and 52 for UofM.
• We had 8 TFLs, half of those were by Jake Ryan for an insane 36 yards. He mixed up his TFLs quite nicely, one stopped a fake punt, one was for 22 yards, (hey, if a back wants to run backwards for 22 yards, I say let him. Just be sure to tackle him when he turns around) and one was a classic, “Jake Ryan hates ankles as much as Taylor Lewan hates donkeys” QB sack. I’m sure he leads the team in ankle tackles and it’s not even close. The dude must have some strong hands. (Since I talked about signs in the intro, I watched 10 minutes of “16 Candles” over break. Our Jake Ryan has now replaced the Jake Ryan as my favorite Jake Ryan.)

We Haz Special Teams

• I was going to move this section all the way to the top in honor of us out-Beamerballing Beamerball, but Martin and Van Bergen deserve top billing.
• JB Fitzgerald gets credit for a forced fumble on a kickoff that turned into three points. That play was one of many that were key to getting us to overtime.
• Gibbons, a veritable Van Bergen Mini-Me, was good from 24, 37, and 39 yards. My wife is a brunette, so I’m right there with you Brendan.
• After a rough start for Hagerup, Wile came on to do the punting and averaged 43.7 yards. He also drew a roughing the punter penalty that kept a drive alive and lead to 7 points. Wile had a long of 58 yards, which is what I expect from dome punting. I don’t know why, there is no wind in a dome, it just seems like guys are always killing the ball when punting in a dome.
• After the punting section, they list returns and credit Elliott Mealer with a 7 yard interception return. I’m pretty sure this is a typo and this INT belongs to Frank Clark. Perhaps the stats guys were partying a little too hard after the win. I don’t blame them.

Filthy

• This was one of those rare games where we reverted back to the original meaning of the word filthy. Denard had 13 carries for 13 yards. He was only 9 of 21 passing with one INT, and several other close calls.
• Touss ran 13 times for only 30 yards. What surprised me was that Touss didn’t get a carry until our 7^thoffensive play. I thought we would try to establish him early, since he finished the season as a productive third of our offense (1/3 Touss, 1/3 Denard running, 1/3 Denard passing.) Instead, we saw all sorts of long developing plays, mostly run to the outside, that gave VT’s speedy defense time to react. I think the MANBALL, power up the middle stuff would have worked better, but the Molk injury certainly hurt.
• Another thing missing from the game plan were screen passes - a good counter to an aggressive defense. We tried the one to Vincent Smith. Denard bounced the pass and we never went back to it.

Big John R. Studd Referee Section

• My brother called at halftime and I complained about the refs. He said, “what do you expect from Sun Belt refs?” or something to that effect. While he was just kidding, I took him at face value because they didn’t have a clue.
• All I ask for is consistency. Sometimes DBs were allowed to grab jerseys, and sometimes they weren’t. Every time they missed the hands to the face penalty.
• I think they missed two false starts on Gibbons, but whatever.
• The referee was Jay Stricherz. When I googled him, the first hit said, “Good thing Riley didn't have the crew of referee Jay Stricherz, which has regularly dispensed flags like penny candy off parade floats.“ Apparently, I’m not the only one who has a problem with Jay. It looks like they are a Pac 12 crew FWIW.

San Diego49ers

• Junior Hemingway. That’s all I got for this section.
• To be fair, 8 players did catch passes, including Jareth Glanda.

Hexadecimal Points

• We wore yet another new uniform. I’m so over this by now. I will say that the uniforms the VT cheerleaders were wearing were the ugliest things I’ve seen all season.
• 5G Frank Clark was the only hexadecimalist to register, breaking Matt Cavanaugh’s streak. I think they just lumped all the special teams tackles under Elliott Mealer.

Derpan Meyer

• The announcers were Brad Nessler and Todd Blackledge. I barely paid attention to them. I was a little surprised that was the first UofM game they did all season.

Random, as Yet Unnamed, Bullets

• I put VT in the “respected opponent” column, unlike say, an MSU or ohio, but I’ve got to say this about the halftime university commercials: our walking robot could kick their walking robot’s ass. And I’m not just saying that because I know Prof. Grizzle and he’s a class act. Did you see the commercials? Our robot is practically running while their robot is taking these little baby robot steps.
• Writing these diaries in the middle of the week is painful. If I'm going to do this again next season, I demand we get a Friday or Saturday Bowl Game.
• So the main question everyone is asking is, how do you win a game when you get outgained by 193 yards. Well, we had one turnover to their two, and we stopped them twice on fourth down. That’s a +3 in the extended turnover stat. Even if you assign 40 yards (the average net punt) to each of those, we’re still trailing by 73 yards. The answer is, I just don’t know*. And you know what, I don’t care. We’re Sugar Bowl Champions, and that’s all that matters. And now it’s time to have big fun on the bayou…

* I do know, we scored two touchdowns, and they kicked a bunch of field goals. You’ve got to score TDs when you get the chance. Also, they roughed our punter, which continued our drive. That's basically a negative turnover for us. And even though I bashed the refs, we picked up another ~40 net penalty yards.

    It’s that time of year, when season in review posts are flying fast and furious. Inside the Box Score is not immune to this seasonal ailment. However, I hope you’ll find my take somewhat novel.* For those that are expecting a post full of numbers, let me warn you that I’m taking a musical approach to this diary. I had an idea that seemed silly at the time, yet as I delved deeper into that idea, the story kept building until I realized I had to write this. Without further ado, I present to you, the 2011 Michigan Football Season in Review, accompanied by an Iron Maiden soundtrack.

    "Why Iron Maiden?", you might ask. From the beginning of the Hoke era, Brandon said that he wanted a defensive coach. For me, when I think of Michigan Defense, I think of the ’97 National Championship winning defense of Glenn Steele, Charles Woodson, Sam Sword, Rob Swett, and Ian Gold. Jarrett Irons graduated the year before, but I usually add him to that list. (And now I can add to that list, defensive line coach Brady Hoke.) Steele, Sword, Swett, Irons. Those are some heavy metal names. When I think of heavy metal, I think of Iron Maiden.

    As if I needed another sign to write this review, this week’s unverified voracity contained this gem:

"(We have) two other seniors up front that are going to play their last college game and their last game for Michigan," Hoke said. "Sometimes, you’ve got to be an iron man."

Iron man, or Iron Maiden? I’ll let you decide after reading.

[*Yes, the concept is heavily borrowed from Bill Simmons, but he rarely writes about college football. I don’t think you need to be familiar with Iron Maiden to read this, all you need is to be a Michigan football fanatic and/or frequent reader of this blog.]

Wasted Years

I close my eyes, and think of home,

Another city goes by, in the night,

Ain’t it funny how it is, you never miss it til it’s gone away,

And my heart is lying there and will be til my dying day

Make your stand,

And realize you’re living in the golden years.

    As the 2010 season concluded, Rich Rodriguez was fired, leaving many to wonder if the past three years had been wasted years. That’s an obvious connection to this song’s title, but the first set of lyrics quoted above make me think of Brady Hoke, and the years he spent in between his stints as Michigan assistant coach and head coach. They were obviously not wasted years, as they gave Brady the experience he needed to lead this team. I wonder how many times between 2002 and 2011 he closed his eyes and thought of home, the Big House. A similar refrain could be said regarding Greg Mattison. The second set of lyrics is reminiscent of the common refrain among Mattison’s troops. Give me a place to make my stand. Could this be the start of another golden era of M football?

Meta: Aces High

There goes the siren that warns of the air raid…

Got to get up for the coming attack

Prior to the start of the season, TomVH and Tim left for possibly greener (financially speaking) pastures. Ace and Heiko joined the Blog staff to give us weekly previews and recruiting reports.

 {Insert picture of Heiko here when he gets one. Heiko, Y U No Haz Avatar?}

The Clairvoyant

Is this a dream or is it now

Is this a vision of normality I see before my eyes

I wonder why I wonder how

That it seems the power’s getting stronger every day

I am The Knowledge … yes? Sadly, no, but every season starts with a preview. I didn’t post any predictions on the blog, but this is from an email I sent my brother August 25, 2011.

    "I'm going to predict Iowa wins (or MSU or Northwestern or Neb) leaving us at 7-1 in B1G, 10-2 overall, because an 11-1 season is too optimistic, even for me. We get beat by Wis in the championship game, 10-3. D has improved, but not enough to stuff the badgers ground game. We get beat in a BCS bowl we have no reason being in. I'll be happy with 10-4."

The Knowledge I am not, but I did predict a 10 win regular season. Yes. Now on to the season in review.

Rainmaker

WMU 34-10

You tell me we can start the rain.
You tell me that we all can change.
You tell me we can find something to wash the tears.

    A torrential downpour interrupted the game a couple times, and finally resulted in the game being canceled just prior to the end of the third quarter. The rain symbolized the washing away of the past, a recent past of tears of infinite sadness. A soaking wet Brady Hoke had a rather inauspicious start to his M head coaching career. But a win is a win.

2 Minutes to Midnight, Fear of the Dark

ND 35-31

The golden goose is on the loose

When the light begins to change

I sometimes feel a little strange

A little anxious when it’s dark

    In a game that lasted until midnight, the last 2 minutes of the UTL game saw the teams score 3 times, twice by Michigan and once by Notre Dame. Michael Floyd lead the Irish with 13 receptions for 159 yards. The golden goose was on the loose in the M secondary. However, Denard Robinson bested Floyd and the Irish, throwing for 338 yards and 4 TDs. One wonders what all the anxiety was about, as a great time was had by all, all those waving maize pom-poms, that is.

Stranger in a Strange Land

EMU 31-3

My spirit wanders endlessly

Until the day will dawn and friends from home

Discover why

Hear me calling, rescue me

Set me free, set me free

Lost in this place, and leave no trace

    The lyrics describe Mike Hart and his time at EMU. It is thought that once Fred Jackson retires, Michigan will hear Mike’s call and rescue him from that place, Ypsilanti.

    I know I am risking the wrath of the board by calling Mike Hart a stranger (we can all agree Ypsilanti is a strange land, no?) but it is done with tongue firmly in cheek. It references this pre-game quote from Coach Hart:

    "This is who I am. I am Eastern Michigan. I coach at Eastern Michigan. I want Eastern Michigan to win every game. I don't cheer for Michigan ever anymore. I watch the game and I watch as a coach trying to see what they're going to do."

Run to the Hills

SDSU 28-7

Run to the hills – run for your lives

    In a game that was supposed to feature Ronnie Hillman, Denard stole the show with 200 yards rushing. He ran for his life from the attacking 3-3-5 defense of SDSU, that wasn’t as frightening as we were lead to believe. As a team, UofM gained 320 yards on the ground, averaging 7.1 yards per carry. Hillman did gain over 100 yards, but fumbled twice. The second fumble was forced some 30 yards downfield by a hustling Ryan Van Bergen and recovered by Jake Ryan.

Bring Your Daughter … to the Slaughter

Minnesota 58-0

Honey it's getting close to midnight
And all the myths are still in town

    The title of the song says it all. Minnesota never had a chance after Marqueis Gray failed to suit up. The quoted lyrics could be used for the UTL game, referring to the Notre Dame myths/ghosts from seasons’ past.

Satellite 15 … The Final Frontier

NU 42-24

I try to call the Earth’s command

Desperation in my voice

I’m drifting off course now

With very little choice

    Denard had a miserable first half (multiple ints,) got back on course in 2^ndhalf. In a battle of two strong engineering schools, the winner was Space, Bitches, Space.

The Evil That Men Do

MSU 14-28

Living on a razors edge

You know, you know

The evil that men do lives on and on…

    In a game of controlled aggression, Gholston clearly went over the edge, twisting Denard’s helmet and punching Lewan. Gholston’s evil lives on and on, alas, his punishment lasted all of 1:13 before he was reinserted in the lineup. The evil that sparty did went on and on, to the tune of 13 penalties for 124 yards.

Running Free

PU 36-14

I’m running free yeah, I’m running free

I’m running free yeah, I’m running free

    After being limited to 2 carries against MSU, this was the game that Fitzgerald Toussaint broke through. He had 20 carries for 170 yards and 2 TDs. A blow-out win over a competent Purdue team suggested that M had put sparty behind us and were ready for the final four games.

{Bonus Purdue game song: El Dorado, which includes the lyrics, “So come over here now, I got a vision for you, It’s my personal snake oil, it’s just something I do,” because you know why.}

Twilight Zone

Iowa 16-24

Ohh, can’t you see me?

Ohh, can’t you see me?

    Oh can’t you see my knee is down in bounds, I have possession of the ball? Oh can’t you see I’m being interfered with, multiple times? A game where poor play-calling and even poorer work by the zebras cost UofM a road victory.

Iron Maiden

Ill 31-14

Oh well, wherever, wherever you are,

Iron Maiden’s gonna get you, no matter how far.

    Replace “Iron Maiden” with “Mike Martin” and that song perfectly describes our fine defensive tackle. He lead the team with 9 tackles in a game in which Illinois didn’t enter Michigan territory until 1:45 was left in the third quarter.

The Trooper

Neb 45-17

And as we race towards the human wall

The screams of pain as my comrades fall

We hurdle bodies that lay on the ground

    Those lyrics scream “Special Teams” to me. This game caused me to include a section in the weekly diary focused on special teams. Terrance Robinson and Floyd Simmons each forced fumbles on Nebraska kick returns. Michigan also successfully executed a fake field goal and blocked a Nebraska punt.  

The Number of the Beast

OSU 40-34

Woe to you oh Earth and Sea

For the Devil sends the beast with wrath

Because he knows the time is short

I needed time to think to get the memories from my mind

What did I see?

Could I believe?

That what I saw that night was real and not just fantasy

    We beat Ohio by six, to make them 6-6 on the year. Sorry, had to get that 6-6-6 joke out of the way. The memory that was haunting me was the Earle Bruce fedora game. OSU came into the Big House a decided underdog in Bruce’s last game after getting fired. They played inspired football and shocked Michigan football fans everywhere. They tried their best to repeat that feat for Luke Fickell, but after Martavious Odoms gave Michigan the lead with a 20 yard TD catch in the third quarter, Michigan never gave the lead back.

    After so many frustrating defeats to the buckeyes and that ridiculous clock, we had finally slain the beast. Instead of jumping for joy after the win, I stared at the TV and tried to make sense of what had just happened. And then I just smiled, and the pain melted away.

Paschendale

In a foreign field he lay

lonely soldier unknown grave

on his dying words he prays

tell the world of Paschendale

    Paschendale is my favorite Iron Maiden song so I had to work it in somehow. It recounts an epic battle of World War I. I’m not going to compare Team 132 to soldiers from WWI, but this season has been remarkable and this team’s story is worth telling, again and again.

    Today put the exclamation point at the end of a regular season marking a new era in Michigan football; an era that allows Brian to write a post-game wrap-up story about Michigan beating Ohio. No pressure Brian, but we’re all expecting something epic. It’s also an era in which my 7 year old son gets to watch Michigan beat osu*. It is an era where the TEAM wins games, not the offense, not the defense, not the special teams, just the TEAM. Although, let it be noted that the offense that Rich Rodriguez envisioned put up 40 points on one of the better defenses in the country. After leaning on the defense for much of the season, the offense was machine-like in its efficiency. I found that appropriate. But that is well-worn territory, and not worth discussing any further here.

    This week, I will leave the cat photos, picture-page analysis, and masterful photoshops to those who do them much better than me. And on this, the weekend after Thanksgiving, I will give my thanks to all the excellent content-generators on this site. It was truly a memorable season. I will play my part on this Blog’s team and do what I do. Give you the link, and dive into the numbers.

* I prefer the lowercase “osu” to the uppercase “OHIO,” because uppercase letters are reserved for proper nouns, and there is nothing proper about that school.

Link: http://www.mgoblue.com/sports/m-footbl/stats/112611aab.html

Burst of Impetus

• In a game where the lead changed hands five times, the impetus was getting whiplash. First, osu scored, then we tallied 16 in a row to take an insurmountable lead. At least, at that point, I thought there was no way the 118^th ranked passing offense was going to score 17 points, let alone 34. I don’t think this game had momentum changes, as much as it was just a case of two on-fire offenses holding serve.
• It seemed like UofM was playing a grind it out game, demonstrating our superiority on a play-by-play basis, only for the big plays to swing momentum back osu’s way. The long pass(es) from Miller, the fumble by Denard, the fumble by Hagerup. I kept waiting for osu to return the favor, but they never did, well, until the very last play of the game. Hagerup’s fumble was actually recovered by him, so it goes down as a failed 4^th down conversion. The turnover battle saw each team losing one, and each team going 1 for 2 on 4^th down. It just so happened that osu’s two (interception and failed 4^th down conversion) came on the same play.
• Why do I suggest we were grinding it out? Well, we did have 277 yards rushing to their 137. We had 444 yards total offense to their 372. We had 35:10 of that worthless TOP to their 24:50, and 23 first downs to their 18. But something kept them in the game. The big play. Fortunately, they fell one big play short, the Miller overthrow on their last drive. Even then, I believe Denard would have lead us back to victory like he did twice against ND, because on this day, Denard would not be denied. It was time for him, and us, to eat.

Filthy

• Filthy gets moved up in the normal pecking order this week, in honor of the original “Filthy,” Denard Robinson.
•  I think it’s safe to say that Kovacs may be a captain next year. I’m not sure who gets the nod on the offensive side, as there isn’t a senior lineman like Molk returning. I wouldn’t be surprised if Denard gets elected captain. It very clearly is his team. The players respond to him and you can see the belief on their faces that he WILL LEAD THEM to victory. OK, enough commentary, how about some numbers.
• Denard gained 170 yards rushing on 26 carries, for an average of 6.5 yards per carry. He had a long of 41 yards and two TDs rushing. In the process he passed my favorite all-time Wolverine, Rob Lytle, for third place in yards rushing in a game against osu. I was six when Lytle went for 164 yards against osu. My son is seven.
• Denard was 14 for 17 passing for 167 yards. He threw 3 TD passes. 5 TDs in one game? Filthy.
• Toussaint pitched in 120 yards on 20 carries, for a nice round 6 yard per carry average. He had a long of 46 yards. What was I saying about osu getting all the big plays? Hmmm, I’ll have to rethink that.
• UofM was 5 for 11 on third down, but that includes an 0 for 4 start. Once the offense got rolling, osu had trouble stopping us, and a lot of that was due to some QB draws that went for double-digit yards.

Trash Cans Full of Dirt

• Morgan and Demens lead the way with 10 and 8 tackles, respectively. Gotta love it when 2 LBs are your leading tacklers. Gotta hate giving up 34 points, though. But hey, it was arguably the greatest Wolverine win in my lifetime considering all the baggage and 7 years crap. The National Championship Rose Bowl victory is the only other contender. If I was a year older, Bo’s first victory over Woody would be in the mix.
• Six players combined for 7 TFLs, lead by Van Bergen and Kovacs with 2 apiece. Four of the seven TFLs were sacks. Only one of the sacks was for meaningful yards, a 10 yarder by Kovacs. I am not looking forward to facing Miller three more times. If he learns how to throw he will be dangerous.
• 15 players got in the defensive stats section, and the TEAM was listed for a bunch of dots. I’m not sure what the TEAM did, but hey, it’s nice to give a shout out to the TEAM.
• Avery did get credit for an interception for the last play of the game. Avery also forced a fumble, on a kickoff IIRC, but osu recovered it.
• Van Bergen was the only one who got credit for a BrUp, but I’m pretty sure Countess broke up a pass, too.
• We were credited with no QHs.
• The play of the game, or at least one of them, is not recorded in the boxscore in a meaningful way. After Hagerup’s failed 4^th down conversion, osu took over at our 31. They got down to our 5 yard line, and had 1^st and goal. A couple strong defensive efforts lead to 3^rd down. On the next play, according to Chris Spielman (we were never shown this,) osu tried their TD pass to Stoneburner play, the one that got him TDs on ~ half his receptions this year. Only this time, Kovacs stayed with Stoneburner, and forced Miller to keep it. Jibreel Black (Jibreel Black? Yes, Jibreel Black) kept outside leverage, wrapped up Miller and forced the FG. At the other end of the field, we did the same thing, only their 3^rdstring strong safety, Storm Klein, bit on the playfake leaving Koger wide open for the TD. (It may not have been Storm Klein, but for the purposes of this narrative, I’m going with Storm Klein.)

Big John R. Studd Referee Section

• B. LeMonnier was the referee. He and his crew mostly kept their flags in their pockets, until they decided to throw 2 on us on the same play, and swing the game from UofM covering to osu. I’m not suggesting anything nefarious, only that a lot of money changed hands on that play.
• We had three penalties for 29 yards. After beginning the game like another B1G state school, osu settled down and only committed 5 penalties for 47 yards. So congratulations, Sparty, you were the team most lacking in sportsmanship that we faced all year. To sink lower than the buckeyes? Pathetic. Enjoy getting beat by the Badgers next week.
• On the play where Touss scored a touchdown, only to have the replay official overturn the call, I was livid. In the extended boxscore under double birds given, you will see ST3 with 1. (Fortunately, my son was in the other room at the time.) As I understand it, they can only overturn the original call if the evidence is indisputable. Well, I’M DISPUTING THAT CALL! When they said put the ball down on the 1 foot line, I nearly flipped. The one or two inch line, maybe, but 1 foot?!? I was actually questioning at that point whether the top of the grass counts as the ground or the actual ground is the ground. There is no way that should have been overturned. But as I’ve written before in these diaries, I’m an incredible M homer.
• On the next play where Omameh held, osu was lined up offsides, and the Watson penalty was really weak. I’m just saying.

San Diego49ers

• We had 7 players catch passes, with 5 players catching at least 2 passes. Kevin Koger lead the way with 4 receptions for 40 yards. He had one TD.
• Koger, Hemingway, and Odoms caught TD passes.
• Gallon had the block that sprung Denard for his 41 yard TD run.

Hexadecimal Points

• Hawthorne was the only M hexadecimalist to show up, with 1 tackle. Our string was kept alive by one tackle.
• I hate osu, but their team is loaded with hexadecimalists. Shazier is 1A, and they have three other players listed as 5E, 1D, and 1F.
• Both teams wore their normal uniforms. Obviously lacking on osu’s helmets were a lot of those buckeye stickers. That’s what happens when your best players are suspended for 5 to 10 games, and the rest of your guys are mediocre. They just don’t give those out for completed passes, apparently.

Derpan Meyer

• I will keep this section short, because the focus should be on the game. What I don’t understand is why ESPN won’t allow Kirk Herbstreit to predict the outcome of games he is calling, but Spielman can call an osu game (and Matt Millen can call a PSU game.) It would seem like there is an obvious solution to this. LET HERBSTREIT PREDICT THE GAMES! Sorry about that.
• Spielman reminded us that he was a senior on Earl Bruce’s last team (the Fedora game.) I don’t need to be reminded of that game, OK, thanks.

We Haz Special Teams

• Net yards per kickoff was a push, 46.6 for them and 46.0 for us. Each team had 4 touchbacks, and I think they were all in the north endzone, as a southerly wind of 10-20 MPH was blowing. (Does “S 10-20” mean the wind was blowing from the south to the north, or vice versa? I’m no meteorologist.)
• Net yards per punt were 40 for osu and 47.5 for us. So, for punts we were able to get off, derp derp derp, we did very well. Two of their punts landed inside the 20. They only punted 3 times, and we only punted twice. Remember, there were very few turnovers. Almost every drive ended in points.
• Gibbons hit his season long of 43 yards, to put us up 6. It’s possible osu could have gotten down the field for a tying field goal, but when Gibbons hit the FG, it made it that much tougher for osu, especially since Fickell wasted a time-out on our previous drive. Gibbons, you put it through the uprights. Thank you.

Opponent Bullets

• Zach Boren got a holding penalty. Ha Ha.
• When I was in 8^thgrade, Sports Illustrated had a full page picture of Mike Boren in his UofM uniform in their preview issue. I put that up in my locker at school. He broke his arm that year and didn’t play much if at all. It’s been all downhill for me and the Boren’s since then.
• Screw the buckeyes, if you want to see their stats go to 11 warriors.

Random, as Yet Unnamed, Bullets

• I NEED MOAR NUMBERZ! 57-44-6. Strike that. It’s now 58-44-6. 2926 days. Strike that too. How does “zero” sound to you? {I wrote this on Saturday.} It’s music to my ears.
• Both teams had 6 scoring drives. We had 5 TDs and 1 FG, they had 4 TDs and 2 FGs. That, and the safety, was the difference in the game.
• Denard pitched to Odoms once, leading to one of our fumbles, that fortunately we recovered. Hey Brian, maybe that’s why they don’t pitch on the pitch play.
• My son saw me taking notes during the game, and he wanted to participate. So in my notes, I have “Good kick return” written by my son for Gallon’s return. We may have a future blogger in our midst.
• After writing 12 of these diaries, I feel like writing a diary about writing diaries, sort of like Kramer’s coffee table book about coffee tables.
• Overrated (only slightly): Lloyd Brady sightings. Underrated: Lloyd Brady’s grass man friend sightings. Seriously, what’s that supposed to be?
• Brady Hoke’s smile at the end of the game was awesome. He must be elated. What a dream come true. Congratulations, Brady, Mattison, Borges, the rest of the staff, and to TEAM 132. 10-2, 8 home wins, and maybe a BCS Bowl invite. Just incredible.
• One last input from my son, at the end he said, “write, ‘one happy ending.’”

I couldn’t agree more.

ONE HAPPY ENDING!

Intro Paragraph

    Every week, I like to have an intro paragraph to set the tone before linking to the boxscore. I have to admit, I was worried earlier this week that I wouldn’t have anything to write about due to this being the first time we’ve played Nebraska in a conference game. I was going to go with a story about my Grandma’s neighbor-boy, Nebras, until fate intervened.

    During the week, the B1G coaches’ photo was shown and discussed on this here MGoBlog. I made a comment about not wanting to sit next to Brady Hoke on an airplane, because based on the way he was sitting in the photo, he’d take the armrest the whole flight. Wednesday, I took a flight to Colorado. It was a regional jet, with two seats on either side of the aisle. Sitting next to me was a nice lady, and her cat! Well, if there is one thing this blog is known for, it’s tremendous football analysis. If there are two things it’s known for, it’s tremendous football analysis and cat photos. Clearly, our feline overlords were trying to tell me something with this amazing coincidence. And that something, if I’m not mistaken, is that this diary NEEDS MOAR CAT PHOTOS!

Not the cat that sat next to me and took my armrest

Link: http://www.mgoblue.com/sports/m-footbl/stats/111911aaa.html

Burst of Impetus

• We got out to a 10-0 lead, and I started thinking, maybe we can beat them like they beat MSU. I was thinking of a 17 to 21 point margin of victory. We were the favorites in the game. Sometimes the favorites actually win, that’s why they are called “favorites.” When Neb scored to make it 10-10, I thought, oh well, I guess it’s going to be a barn-burner. Then, Neb fumbled the opening kickoff of the 2^ndhalf and we turned it into a woodshed game. It’s pretty great when the outcome exceeds your wildest imagination. 28 points? Are you freakin’ kidding me?
• In the first half, with us up 10-7, Denard threw an INT on a screen pass. I’m starting to think he’s too short to throw middle screens. Anyway, the defense responded with a Kovacs TFL, a Van Bergen pass deflection, and Demens and Martin tackling a WR on a screen for minimal yardage. It wasn’t quite the three-play sequence that bursted impetus against Illinois, but it reminded me of that. Neb had to settle for a 51 yard FG. Our defense basically said, we’ve got our O’s back.
• Denard maintained our momentum several times by scrambling. One such play caused Spielman to say, “We’re seeing burst,” which totally confused me. Does that statement go in this section, the Filthy section, or the Derpan Meyer section?

Trash Cans Full of Dirt

• Jake Ryan made yet another ankle tackle. Jake Ryan hates ankles like Taylor Lewan hates donkeys.
• Neb was 3 for 13 on 3^rddown, and 0 for 2 on 4^thdown.
• The D held Burkhead to 36 yards net rushing. I thought that guy got 100 on everybody.
• Kovacs lead us in tackles like Brian suggested, but he only got 7 because our defense was never on the field.
• 24 players showed up in the defensive stats. Floyd Simmons was tied for 5^thin tackles with 3, because our defense was never on the field. Hollowell also had 3 tackles. If I’m not mistaken, those guys are primarily special teamers. When your special teams players are showing up in your top 7 tacklers, you know your defense was never on the field.
• Six TFLs were spread amongst six defenders, with Van Bergen leading the way with 2.
• Six passes were broken up, including one by J. Van Slyke, who has some wicked eye black.

Filthy

• Denard was 11 for 18 passing for 180 yards and 2 TDs.
• He ran 23 times for 83 yards and 2 TDs.
• Touss gained 138 yards on 29 carries, and had 2 TDs.
• We scored a lot of TDs and ran a lot of plays.
• First downs were 24 for M, 11 for Neb.
• Total offensive plays were 80 for Michigan to 54 for Neb. This was a dominating performance. WE ARE GOOD!

Big John R. Studd Referee Section

• It was D. Lipski’s crew this week. He seemed a bit talkative, but otherwise they did a nice job.
• We got 4 first downs from penalties to Neb’s zero. Yeah, the refs did a fine job.
• We committed 5 penalties to Neb’s 8, costing us 45 yards and Neb 73.
• In a closer game, the roughing the punter penalty on Neb could give Big Red fans cause to complain, but I’m sure Hagerup’s big toe is going to have one nasty bruise on it tomorrow. Was that Oscar-worthy? It drew a flag, which is fine by me, because I root for Michigan.

San Diego49ers

• Gallon was again the leading receiver with 3 grabs for 34 yards and a TD.
• Odoms had 2 catches for 47 yards and a TD. For whatever reason, we are a better team with him in there.

Hexadecimal Points

• UofM had American flag patches on our jerseys. I don’t recall hearing what the reason for this was. I did miss the last 20 minutes of game commentary because Dad called. It’s nice when you have a 21 point lead and can turn the sound down and talk to Dad about the game and sitting next to a cat lady on a plane.
• It appeared that this was a pom-pom game like the UTL game. The pom-poms seemed much more ferocious at night.
• 7A Brandin Hawthorne had 2 tackles and 2H Matt Cavanaugh had 1.

Derpan Meyer

• Derpan Meyer was asked about the Meyer to OSU rumors. He denied there was an offer, (wink, wink) and denied he had accepted it (wink, wink.) While that may be true, if Luke Fickell shows up next week wearing a black suit and a fedora, I will  sh!t myself.
• Lee Corso would like to apologize for the profanity used in the previous bullet.
• While making his pre-game picks, Corso said, Ahhh, F%$* it. Herbie (and I) could only laugh. Midway through the first quarter, Corso interrupted our game to read a hastily written apology. I don’t think ESPN can (or should) get fined for spontaneous verbal gaffes like that, but what happened to the dump button?
• Dave Pasch, Urban Meyer, Chris Spielman and Quint Kessenich did the game for ESPN. At this point, shouldn’t Dave consider getting an apartment in Ann Arbor?
• Early in the game, Neb broke up a pass. One of the announcers said, “this is what Nebraska does best.” The thought that popped into my mind was, “get away with pass interference?” After two such plays (including yet another jersey pull), Roundtree caught a deep ball and Neb complained that he interfered. Can’t have it both ways, guys.
• After Denard threw an interception, Derpan Meyer said he would take him out. Spielman said he would leave him in because of his game-breaking abilities. Denard responded by leading a nice TD drive. Maybe osu should hire Spielman as their next coach instead of Urban.
• The announcers thought Kovacs was acting a little when injured to slow down Neb’s hurry up offense. For the record, he stayed out for the duration of that series, so I don’t think he was faking. Screw you Urban Paschman for suggesting such a thing.

We Haz Special Teams

• Net yards per kickoff were 44.5 for Neb and 44.8 for Michigan. Basically that’s a push, except we didn’t fumble two of our returns.
• Net yards per punt were slightly in Neb’s favor, 40.5 to 34, with 2 Neb punts inside the 20.
• Gibbons made his season long FG of 42 yards, and then missed one of 42 yards after the game had been decided. Needless to say, this is light years improved over last year.
• Dileo picked up a first down on a fake FG.
• Josh Furman blocked a punt. The Neb punter bobbled the snap, but Furman still had to get there and he did.

Opponent Bullets

• Neb TE Jake Long was called for a holding penalty. ~110,000 Michigan fans thought, “TE Jake Long, we cheered for Jake Long, we knew Jake Long, Jake Long was a friend of ours. TE Jake Long, you’re no Jake Long.”
• Neb dropped several passes, just like Brian said they would. Thanks, Brian.
• Even though Neb KR Kenny Bell fumbled a kick return, you have to give him credit for having a tremendous afro.
• Lavonte David had 17 tackles. I could have sworn it was in the 30s. They have 1 special defensive player and 10 meh guys. It was clear they were missing Crick.

Random, as Yet Unnamed, Bullets

• The time of possession was 41:13 for Michigan, and 18:39 for Neb. I’m in the TOP is an effect of playing well, not a cause camp, but whichever camp you’re in, 41 minutes is awesome.
• There were several interesting matchups, including Denard vs. Dennard, Martin vs. Martinez, and Burkhead vs. VanBergenhead (a boy can dream, right?) Nebraska’s defense starts a “Steinkulher” which set up a great “Steinkuhler vs. Pooper Cooler” matchup when they played the buckeyes.
• The scoreboards weren’t working. This lead to a delay of game penalty on our offense that could have been an important momentum changer. Fortunately, we still ended up scoring, but I want to see more working scoreboards and less Dave Brandon on the sidelines. Dave, your job is getting the facilities right. Leave the sideline stuff to the coaches. The fans counted down the play clock several times to help out Denard and the offense.
• While we were beating Neb to hand the Legends Division to MSU, Sparty was playing Indiana for the Old Bronze Spittoon. I finally understand the bronze, green and black unis that sparty broke out as their throw-up jerseys. It’s an homage to their key cross-division rival, Indiana. Going forward, it’s really unfair that they get to beat up on Indiana, the worst team historically in the B1G, while we get to play osu every year.
• UofM and Neb are 1 and 4 in all-time wins, which makes this victory a little bit sweeter.
• Lloyd Brady was shown several times. On a couple occasions, I could swear he was dancing. Yes, it was that kind of day.
• When I think of NU, I think of Northwestern. Since they have B1G seniority over Nebraska, they should get the NU acronym. That leaves either UNL or Neb for Nebraska. UNL makes them sound like University of Michigan – Flint, i.e., not the flagship university of Nebraska. (How did flag ships get associated with universities?) That leaves Neb, which reminds me of the Yiddish word, Nebbish. Merriam-Webster’s definition of nebbish is: “a timid, meek, or ineffectual person.” After a 45-17 spanking at the hands of MEEECHIGAN, that seems appropriate.
• I wrote half of this before I even looked at the boxscore. This game just provided sooooo much material. I haz a happee.