this week in unintentionally grim-sounding recruiting headlines
I wrote this a few seasons back. Its still good for a chuckle. I cut out 5 to avoid feeding the monkey. What could the new 5 be?
10. We are Notre Dame.... No I will not link it.
9.Notre Dame Stadium
|A highlight from last weeks USF vs ND game|
I remember a short time ago when the Big House was outdated but now is a thing of beauty. At least the Big House had some sort of stats and video for replays before all the updates. Going to a game at Notre Dame Stadium is like going back in time to 1955 in Docs DeLorean. I think all the fans drive there wind up old model Ts to the Stadium every Saturday to tail gate. Don't even get me going on the turf and the mess that it is. Seems like every game I watch the turf is a giant mess. Grass flying everywhere. The score board is a thing of 1975 with giant bulbs for score. No replays or stats. I will give it this. It does have cool clip art(like hands clapping) that displays a long the bottom. That is pretty 1992. So if you wanna go back in time then check a game out at Notre Dame Stadium... Bring your top hat.
8.Notre Dame Weather
I swear to god when I click over to NBC to watch ND the weather is always awful. Its like South Bend has rain monsoons every Saturday. If Michigan has a secondary hating god then Nortre Dame has a shitty weather god. I think they give a rain poncho with every season ticket purchase.
7.The Irish Ginger Dancing Mascot guy... thing.
Every year I have to look at some new pimpled face kid jumping around on the side line. I would love to see this try out. Like a line of 19 year old gingers all lined up doing their best "who stole my lucky charms?" impression. It may get higher ratings then American Idol.
6.The Fan Base(besides the MGO user Irish)
Hey I like tough coaches as much as the other but I would be embarrassed if I were a fan and the University. The dude is straight up belittling the player. How is this a teaching moment? I got a hold of a mouth reader and this what got out the clip.
KELLY: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
KELLY: YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! WHEN I GET YOU IN PRACTICE I WILL CUT OFF YOUR HEAD!
KELLY: I WILL PUNCH YOU RIGHT IN THE FACE! I DON'T CARE! YOU ARE DEAD TO ME! I WILL KICK YOUR DOG ON SUNDAY! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!? YOUR MOM!
It was something like that. I mean come on. Like I said I know football is all about screaming but this is drunkin sailor yelling. I never liked you at GVSU and I don't like you now. I do think he can make it at ND but he has to be careful. The same kinds that hated on RR at Michigan will be doing the same at ND in no time if they haven't already. We saw what negativity can do to a program. It isn't pretty.
The field will NOT sport the schools twitter tag but Dave Brandon's Twitter account.
Dave also commented on the parts of the field that have been sold off to sponsors.
10. BJ Mullens- I know his time at OSU was short(because he was an idiot and left early) but damn was he ugly and dumb. He also pissed off Michigan basketball fans with a youtube(which isn't up anymore) in which he said "Michigan Sucks" when asked how they would prepare for the Wolverines. The fat head did nothing at Ohio State and didn't even start. He left for the NBA after one year and avg 1.1 ppg last year for the Thunder. Good call.
9. David Boston- Really David? Did you think you could open your muscle face trap and expect Chuck to not make you look like a fool? I am pretty sure this dude was on the roid. He seemed like he was more into looking good than...you know, being good at football. He blew his body up with meats,cheeses and roids and called it a career. He played for five different teams and sucked on all five of them. He will always be remembered for being Woodson's Bitch.
8. 3rd Rock from the Sun- Oh my god this show was terrible. Another show on FOX that made me wanna take a dump on my TV so I wouldn't use it again. I know this has zero to do with OSU but the show was based out of Ohio so that's reason enough. French Stewart with his eyes closed all the time really killed it for me. Than Sally, she was like 6'8" and could dunk a basketball. Not to mention the bad guy from the old 80s Santa Clause Movie. It sucked for years but people watched it(people love bad TV). Go figure.
7. Buckeye- Wow you guys are "Nuts". Like thats the best you had? A nut? Why not use the state Bug? The Ladybug. Yeah I am very serious. That's the state bug or insect. I just gotta wonder how a nut can cause fear in another team? choking maybe? Like in the last few National Championship Games?
6. AJ Hawk- Ok he is like the ugliest dude in the NFL right now and thats hard to do. Not to mention he married Brady Quinn's sister who has Brady's head and face but with long hair. The dude is a straight up modern day Frankenstein. I am pretty sure the Packers have asked him not to come to any team photo shoots or do charity work in fear of him scaring off the public. Oh and he has sorta sucked for the Packers.
5.Brutus the Buckeye- This cheesy thin mascot got his ass handed to him at the start of a season by the mascot at Ohio. The Bobcat had his way as the players and cheerleaders watched and did nothing. It was a blood bath. I sometimes think he might be "special" since he spends most the game punching himself in his ugly head. Like isn't that a reason you would be the "resource room"?
4.The OSU Fans- Where to even start. They act obnoxious. Most the time they are in your a face giving you stats like how many days it's been since UM has beat OSU or how great Troy Smith might be some day for the 49ers. They are even stupid like when OSU loses to Purdue or Wisconsin and scream "Pryor can't play QB!! OMG!!! Move him to WR!" Great idea... Would love to see that car wreak of an experiment. They are just a sad bunch. But OSU is all they have since Ohio teams suck at everything else.
3.Beanie Wells's Toe- The dude hurt is toe in some scrub game and he acted like he just got shot. Suck it up and get off the field. I hate your toe. It's such a pussy.
2."Theeeee Ohio State"- It's so cool. "Theeeee Ohio State". I don't even have a picture since this is too dumb for pictures. Does it make you feel like a really important person? Like this one dude I met on a elevator and noticed he had a OSU shirt on and I said "Ohio State fan huh?" Nope he said... "THHHEEEEE Ohio State Fan" : rolls eyes : Yes I am sorry... I forgot to sound like a idiot.
1.Maurice Clarett - It's too easy isn't it? I mean really. I am more upset that this cat didn't break open a giant Reggie Bush like invesagation. Some how The Vest and OSU dodged that bullet. Speaking of bullets, he had a shit ton of them in his car when he was pulled over and put in jail for acting like an animal. He now plays back up RB for a Jimmy Johns sponsored team that plays in the Columbus football rec league.
10. Ron Dayne- Sure he holds some NCAA records and could out eat John Candy in a Hot Wings contest but nothing was more frustrating than watching a guard play running back and do it so well. Like God took Barry Sanders feet and pasted them onto Ron Dayne for a sick joke. Oh well... Michigan got the last laugh.
9. That 70s Show- I know it doesn't have much to do with the Badgers besides the show taking place in Wisconsin... I still hate that show. Besides looking at Mila Kunis(Jackie) and watching the bad guy from Robocop it sucked. I never enjoyed Horse Face/Man Voice Donna and all the lame 14 year old pot head humor. I won't even get into the awful "That 80s show" that spawned from it and lasted a week or the fact that Fez.. never mind.
8.Bucky the Badger- I mean he is so top heavy and hooky. He doesn't even have a neck. He does push ups after touchdowns.. How original. He also looks like a furry candy cane. Maybe this is a reach but still...
7.The "W"- It's pure ugly. It's all squashed and....dumb. I mean it barely looks like a "W". Looks like Devil writing with all those points and red.
6.Camp Randall- Whats with naming the stadium after a campground? Sounds like a place my dad took us up north for our crappy family camping trips. Also whats with that Church/warehouse? Looks so out of place. The place is a poor mans Horseshoe in some respects. Jump around isn't that cool either. It was better in Happy Gilmore.
5.The Perverted Band- "This one time in Camp Randall." In 2008 you sick loony pervs were suspended for the Ohio State game. I guess keeping the public safe from a bunch of hazing drunk super sex freaks was in order. Not that the OSU fans would have minded. They love hazing drunk super sex freaks. Next time take your sick little band games to the internet. At least you will make money. Oh and they lost because of you..
4. Orson Welles- Again didn't attend UW that I am aware of but I hate frozen peas.
3. Bo Ryan- Yeah... Alright he has been pretty good but... Boring! When you do the eye ball test on his basketball teams you think they look like the worst team in the Big Ten. A bunch of ugly white dudes who box out and and play defense... oh and take smart shots. How boring winning must be. His poor man's (yes that phrase again) Pat Riley looks awful. Pat would throw hair grease in his eyes for dishonoring his look.
|Whats that shit on your face?|
2. James Kamoku- You son of a bitch! You think you can put your god damn hands on Steve Breaston and get away with it? DO YOU!? This amateur during a 2006 UM vs UW punt return decided to try and rip Steve's ankle off. It was caught on TV. Karma is a bitch since last I saw you played for some fake football team called the "Wolf Pac". Guess what happened to this dirt ball for his bush league act? NOTHING! That brings me to number...one.
1. Bret Bielema- I know right? Predictable? Yes he's an easy number one. His fat ugly head has made him a pretty big D bag around the league. Last week he nearly killed a man. Alright he didn't but he did smash the poor Indiana people for 83 points for no damn reason. He also ran the score up on the handicapped Gophers. This dude is such a sleeeeze ball. He looks so creepy, like I would see him in the Golden Lion off of US-23 searching for his favorite adult magazine. So in closing he is a smug ugly man who is in favor of no sportsmanship and dirty play... oh and he hates Care Bears.... and I don't like him.