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OT: Hello: Chris Rock (The Comedy One)

By Drill — May 30th, 2010 at 4:58 PM — 7 comments
Filed under:
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  • Joke Post
  • N/A

GBW is reporting a commitment from Andrews, South Carolina comedian Chris Rock.  Rock was not able to make the BBQ and this commitment is completely out of the blue.  He had no other offers at the time of his commitment.

INFORMATIVE PORTION

GURU RANKINGS

Comedy Central's 100 Greatest Comedians EntertainmentRankings.com faqs.org
#5 Stand-Up #3 Stand-Up #52 Stand-Up

 

EntertainmentRankings.com:

Chris Rock, to me, now that Carlin and Pryor have both passed, is the greatest living stand-up and the funniest comedian over the last 20 years.

Faqs.org, begins by talking about one of Rock's negatives:

...he's known predominantly for racial humor...

but then follows up with praise almost on par with EntertainmentRankings.com:

...funny is funny and Chris Rock is one of the funniest human beings on the planet.

And then finishes off with an assessment of one of his strengths:

Perhaps the greatest testament to his skill is how mainstream he's become: despite talking about controversial topics such as race and sex and working very "Blue" he's loved by inner city minorities, white suburban dads, and elderly WWII vets.

Rock is listed consistently at 5-11 and 45 years old.  He has appeared in several movies, such as Beverly Hills Cop II, Boomerang, and Dogma.  He also attended the Academy Awards in 2005 as the host, to mixed reviews.

OFFERS

Chris Rock has reported no other offers at this time.  Probably because he's a 45 year old comedian and not a football player.  Presumably Rodriguez and his staff intended to offer Columbus DeSales defensive end Chris Rock rather than the comedian and there was just a clerical error.

STATS

Chris Rock spent 3 years on Saturday Night Live and was on 60 different episodes.  He has also been the director, writer, actor, or producer on several movies.

FAKE 40 TIME

Comedians do not have 40 times, hence they can not be fake.

VIDEO

Highlights (NSFW audio):

You can also see a video of Chris Rock talking about drugs (more NSFW audio).

PREDICTION BASED ON FLIMSY EVIDENCE

Being a 45-year old comedian and not a football player, Chris Rock seems like a lock for a redshirt while they get him in shape for football.  After that, he may be moved to punter or holder, where the chance of him being injured will be minimized.

Following his redshirt season, Rock likely still will not see playing time, unless we're facing Delaware State again.  He will probably be used as a motivational tool for the team.

UPSHOT FOR THE REST OF THE CLASS

Chris Rock is the first comedian in the 2011 class and likely the last.  Unfortunately, this leaves one fewer scholarship spot for the 2011 class.  This offer seems like a reach, at best.  They really should have offered the defensive end from Columbus instead.

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May 30th, 2010 at 5:12 PM | I like turtles (Score:1)
Njia
Njia's picture
Joined: 09/15/2009
MGoPoints: 5629

September 4 can't get here soon enough. But, this was clever.

"If life is the road, then Ohio is simply a place to stop for gas." -- Scott Burgess, Detroit News, 9/16/2010
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May 30th, 2010 at 6:16 PM | He has stubby legs (Score:1)
Professor Greenberg
Joined: 06/30/2008
MGoPoints: 397

He has stubby legs

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May 30th, 2010 at 7:00 PM | Not another (Score:1)
bluesouth
bluesouth's picture
Joined: 11/02/2008
MGoPoints: 2313

5"11 slot guy, when is Rich Rod going to get some big ten sized comedians with Ess Eee Cee speed. ??

 "Runnnn!!! get to da choppa"

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May 30th, 2010 at 7:01 PM | Rock seems better suited to a pro-style offense. (Score:1)
WildcatBlue
WildcatBlue's picture
Joined: 08/09/2008
MGoPoints: 496

With the all the reads and misdirection in RR's game I'd say we should be recruiting from the improv world, rather than from among stand-ups.  This guy is entering his 20th junior year at Dr. Phillips HS in Orlando, and I'd be shocked if we don't end up offering:

 

He's an inch taller than Rock, and imo has better lateral movement. 

However, in the aftermath of the Dorsey signing there may be some reluctance among the coaching staff due to rumored character issues.

 

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June 1st, 2010 at 2:44 PM | Does Wayne Brady have to (Score:1)
Maizeforlife
Maizeforlife's picture
Joined: 03/03/2010
MGoPoints: 2387

Does Wayne Brady have to choke a bitch?

You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - The most famous of which is never get involved in a land war in Asia - but only slightly less well-known is this: Never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

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May 30th, 2010 at 8:28 PM | Chris Rock (Score:1)
mgovictors23
mgovictors23's picture
Joined: 05/03/2009
MGoPoints: 91

O no, not another slot receiver!!! Where's the offensive lineman and inside linebackers?

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May 30th, 2010 at 8:30 PM | Someone better tell him.. (Score:1)
ldoublee
Joined: 06/22/2009
MGoPoints: 2731

that now that he's coming to AA, he needs to get rid of the fade and grow some dreads.

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