Next Coach

Submitted by THE_KNOWLEDGE on

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over the last several days, the amount of speculation and confusion regarding who Michigan will hire as the next

head football coach on these very pages has been great
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all of this is misinformation and incorrect assumption
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the smart folks have appealed to THE KNOWLEDGE to reveal the future and deliver them from this uncertainty
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yes
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it is well known that THE KNOWLEDGE is the best source when it comes to coaching search, inasmuch as THE KNOWLEDGE

introduced himself to this blog during the 2007 coach search
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there is a reason THE KNOWLEDGE has remained relatively silent during the current search for reasons that will

become obvious upon a thorough reading of this post
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yes
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many is the number of fools who misunderstood what THE KNOWLEDGE had said in his previous post
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thus, THE KNOWLEDGE can clearly reveal that these assumptions are wrong
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in 2015, Michigan's AD will be David Brandon
in 2015, Michigan's football HC will be Brady Hoke
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yes

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somehow, people (except a smart few) misinterpreted this as THE KNOWLEDGE saying that Brandon and Hoke will remain

at Michigan in 2015
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this level of stupidity is truly mindboggling
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yes
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now, onto the question of the new coach
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if the question where who the best coach for Michigan will be, the answer is obvious
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it is THE KNOWLEDGE
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THE KNOWLEDGE will know what the opposition will do on every play even before they know it. thus, every offensive

snap for Michigan will result in a touchdown for the Wolverines, and every offensive play for the opposition will

result in a loss or interception
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however, THE KNOWLEDGE does more important things to the universe that coach a football team; hence the next best

available coach must be found
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yes
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the people that are laughing at Florida and Nebraska do not understand that those newly hired coaches will, in

fact, create dominant programs at those schools
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can the same be said for Michigan?
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will Michigan hire Harbaugh?
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no
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will Michigan hire Miles?
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no
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will Michigan hire Mullen?
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no
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will Michigan fans be unhappy with the hire?
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yes
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will the unhappiness turn into happiness eventually?
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yes
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Comments

Steve Breaston…

December 8th, 2014 at 1:43 PM ^

Mr. Knowledge, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent posting were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this board is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no MGoPoints, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Frieze Memorial

December 8th, 2014 at 11:30 AM ^

I gotta say, I like The Knowledge.  I've never seen anyone else with a posting style like that.  Did he make it up?  Is he copying someone else?  Who is he?

Best part is that he knows not to overdo it, just a post every once in a while. 

MGoNukeE

December 8th, 2014 at 12:28 PM ^

I understand that reporting your findings of the future creates an alternate universe, and trust that the new universe was created to maximize future Michigan victories on the football field.

Mattavious

December 8th, 2014 at 12:36 PM ^

For all of you doubters, THE KNOWLEDGE does not help us by giving us Truths(as we see them) but rather by giving us what we need to hear.  I suppose THE KNOWLEDGE is kind of like the Oracle in The Matrix.  

ND Sux

December 8th, 2014 at 2:28 PM ^

isn't going to reveal too much at a time, because he (it?) knows our puny humanoid brains can't handle/process it all at once.  This is why it must come in small doses lest all of our brains explode simultaneously. 

Thank you KNOWLEDGE for imparting the information sparingly, and in doing so, saving the human race.

nMkaczor

December 8th, 2014 at 7:54 PM ^

This is good news because The Knowledge has never been right about anything so that means Harbaugh could still happen right? In fact, why not Chip Kelley? Or Pete Carroll? Or Saban?