Oh... I didn't realize you were making it up until I got to the end. Great story so far, but I thought you were telling a real one, lol.
Kevin Johnson: The Story Behind the .gif
In the style of
Kevin Johnson arrived in Ann Arbor in the fall of 2007. The first athletic event he attended would forever shape the rest of his 6 years on the University of Michigan campus. Kevin found himself jumping up and down with joy on a typical Ann Arbor fall Saturday afternoon as Mario Manningham was dragged down after receiving a 46-yd pass from Chad Henne in what assuredly was going to be the key in avoiding an embarrassment of epic proportions. When Mountaineer Corey Lynch blocked the would-be game winning field goal, every Wolverine fan was stunned. Kevin, however, fell into a deep depression.
Kevin would go on to attend Michigan football and basketball games with regularity. The 2008 return to the NCAA tournament was just a slight reprieve from what was a year of routine disappointment for Kevin. By sophomore year, Kevin attempted to live the life of a regular UM student. Kevin settled on a political science major, hung out with friends and held down a campus job. Still, the pain from the Horror of 2007 stuck with Kevin. By the time graduation came in 2011, Kevin was at a loss. His inability to move past the Horror resulted in his girlfriend dumping him. After failed internship interview after failed internship interview, Kevin decided that grad school was his only choice.
In the fall of 2011, Kevin enrolled in Law School with a renewed vigor and things started to look up. Michigan football exceeded expectations in Brady Hoke’s first year and Kevin began dating Annie – who he quickly fell in love with. The following summer was full of promise, though Kevin still worried – was he past the unmentionable start to his college career? As the penultimate semester concluded Kevin’s life again was thrown into shambles. After an intense outburst following Michigan’s loss to Ohio State, Annie left Kevin, saying she could never date a man who put a sports team ahead of his girlfriend. Parents and friends warned Kevin of his impending massive debt and grim career prospects in the law field. The malaise returned, with no end in sight.
Still, Kevin kept going to athletic events. On February 5, 2013 Kevin witnessed the unthinkable – a Michigan basketball program cement itself as the nation’s top team. After six tumultuous years, it was suddenly worth it. As if the heavens said “All your travails have been for this moment. Enjoy it, my son.” Kevin would walk home on air that night, proudly wearing his banana suit. There was nothing in the world that could hold him back.
Feel free to add the stories of the other characters in what will be the greatest story told on MGoBlog since the Naked Banner Guy.
Should have gone first person:
I'm Kevin and I like the hard burn of a hooker's cigarette on my ass cheek. Then I go rapture the shit up at basketball games.
Tyler "Mr. Maize" Schwartz was 29 years old.
It was probably obvious Mr. Maize was 29. He had an "I'm not supposed to be here smile" and a hairline that was betraying the lie that tonight, he was a college student. But the true harbinger of displacement, the actual color maize itself.
You see, Tyler is from an older school of fandom. A fandom where "The Victors" isn't played too fast by the band. A fandom that doesn't obsess over recruiting and the players' outside lives. A fandom that believes players will be players and supporters will be supporters. And all should be gentlemen. But for Tyler, the color of gentleman is not neon yellow. It is maize. With a beautiful blue block M on the front of it.
Tyler tried to go to college. He was a 3.91 in high school. 32 on the ACT. Enrolled early admission. But like so many other overly protected freshmen do he fell to the temptations of drugs and alcohol. They became more important than class. Bad grades caused him to slip into depression. Mr. Maize was lost.
But Mr. Maize in his heart was a true Michigan man and one that didn't quit. He enlisted in the Army and did multiple tours in combat in multiple locations. He wore his fandom proudly wherever he went knowing that while his successes may not have come as a result of a Michigan degree he still felt it in his heart. And nobody could tell him differently.
So, treating himself to a game with his little brother's ticket he once again felt it. The Michigan man inside him combined with the Michigan man inside the others surrounding him. Tyler may never hold a degree, attend an alumni event, or be able to shut up a sparty who claimed he didn't actually graduate from the University. But it was finally clear. He was a man. Assuredly a Michigan man. Tyler was Mr. Maize.
...read the word "Mountaineer" and thought, "When the hell did we play WVU in the last ever-that-I-can-recall?"
By The Horror again
I thought this was going to be about the former Suns point guard...
Obviously you meant the Mayor of Sacramento.
Are we laughing with the guy or at him?
Maybe we should stick to mocking other schools' students. I don't want our own fans to become afraid that we'll make fun of them if they go crazy.
Is a special thing. He will become a celebrity. He will be thankful.
Sounds so much like something you might read about the Domers as a precursor to future movie rights.
I liked this post a lot. But the Wiscy game kind of put an end to it too quickly.