"Northwestern fans can be both heartened and disheartened by the loss to Minnesota just like how nineteenth-century resurrectionists were heartened when they pried a heart from a freshly-buried corpse and then disheartened it when they sold it to a disreputable anatomist."
Kevin Grady's Big Adventure Part I
Today is Part I of the Kevin Grady saga. Part II will most likely arrive on Monday, due to the holiday and all. Assuming I don't pull a Grady and end up in jail myself, that is. Enjoy.
MyFairGrady: barkeep get me anotha one of those dranks
Barkeep: You mean another water, sir?
MyFairGrady: yea bitch gotta keep hydrated for that crazy bitch barwis
MyFairGrady: you hear about yesterday man he broke tim jamisons back cuz he was eating an ice cream store clerk
Barkeep: Sounds stressful. Perhaps a drink to unwind?
MyFairGrady: fuck you i got my h20
Barkeep: Very well sir – can I ask who your friend here is? He looks underage
McGuffTheTDDawg: yo yo yo check it
McGuffTheTDDawg: you aint know me?
Yo check it 1 2
my name is sam
i'm slippery like a pan covered in pam
cooking oil that is what im sayin
burnin fools like canola in the toaster
MyFairGrady: man what in the fuck
dont worry about him hes with me imma watchin out for his ass
i run for miles
like i'm boobie miles
cept he was black and kind of whack
im texas bred and destined for a plaque
MyFairGrady: dont get down on boobie man he tore an acl just like me, you aint know shit bout comin back from that
McGuffTheTDDawg: im drizzzunk in this bitch and that chick looks like a witch
MyFairGrady: imma buy her a drank
get some of those panty drop shots or whatevr you fucks call it
Barkeep: Very well sir
***Barkeep has handed MyFairGrady a strawberry daiquiri***
***MyFairGrady has fumbled the drink into his lap***
McGuffTheTDDawg: fumbles over here cant get his game on
cuz he cant keep the drink off his shirt
MyFairGrady: that dont even come close to rhyming you stupid motherfucka
get me anotha one of them things
***MyFairGrady has spilled the drink on his shirt***
MyFairGrady: mothafuck i am outta here get yo shit togetha drunkie mcguffie we going home u gonna meet my folks so they can tell u what a dumb mothafuck u are
***MyFairGrady and McGuffTheTDDawg are driving***
McGuffTheTDDawg: yo check it
mcguff aint feelin right tonite
like he swallowed a tin o vegemite
think he gonna have gastrocardiac episode
all in your pontiac
***McGuffTheTDDawg has vomited on MyFairGrady***
***MyFairGrady has vomit in his eyes and swerves the car across the center line***
LadyCop: Excuse me, sir, I noticed you were driving erratically back there.
MyFairGrady: come on miss this dipshit in the seat next to me puked on me
LadyCop: That's Sam McGuffie, All-American recruit from Texas. He wouldn't do that. Who are you?
MyFairGrady: u kidding me lady im kevin grady, all-universe recruit from this fuckin town
LadyCop: Whoa there, Mr. Grady. Maybe you should step out of the vehicle.
***MyFairGrady has exited the vehicle***
LadyCop: Now, if you are Mr. Grady and you are sober, then you should have no problem taking this handoff from me.
/pulls out football
***MyFairGrady has fumbled the handoff***
Another classic. Part II should be epic \rome.