Kevin Grady's Big Adventure Part I

Today is Part I of the Kevin Grady saga. Part II will most likely arrive on Monday, due to the holiday and all. Assuming I don't pull a Grady and end up in jail myself, that is. Enjoy.

MyFairGrady: barkeep get me anotha one of those dranks

Barkeep: You mean another water, sir?

MyFairGrady: yea bitch gotta keep hydrated for that crazy bitch barwis

MyFairGrady: you hear about yesterday man he broke tim jamisons back cuz he was eating an ice cream store clerk

Barkeep: Sounds stressful. Perhaps a drink to unwind?

MyFairGrady: fuck you i got my h20

Barkeep: Very well sir – can I ask who your friend here is? He looks underage

McGuffTheTDDawg: yo yo yo check it

McGuffTheTDDawg: you aint know me?

Faaaareal?

Yo check it 1 2

my name is sam

i'm slippery like a pan covered in pam

cooking oil that is what im sayin

burnin fools like canola in the toaster

MyFairGrady: man what in the fuck

dont worry about him hes with me imma watchin out for his ass

McGuffTheTDDawg: yo

i run for miles

like i'm boobie miles

cept he was black and kind of whack

im texas bred and destined for a plaque

MyFairGrady: dont get down on boobie man he tore an acl just like me, you aint know shit bout comin back from that

McGuffTheTDDawg: im drizzzunk in this bitch and that chick looks like a witch

MyFairGrady: imma buy her a drank

get some of those panty drop shots or whatevr you fucks call it

Barkeep: Very well sir

***Barkeep has handed MyFairGrady a strawberry daiquiri***

***MyFairGrady has fumbled the drink into his lap***

McGuffTheTDDawg: fumbles over here cant get his game on

cuz he cant keep the drink off his shirt

MyFairGrady: that dont even come close to rhyming you stupid motherfucka

get me anotha one of them things

***MyFairGrady has spilled the drink on his shirt***

MyFairGrady: mothafuck i am outta here get yo shit togetha drunkie mcguffie we going home u gonna meet my folks so they can tell u what a dumb mothafuck u are

***MyFairGrady and McGuffTheTDDawg are driving***

McGuffTheTDDawg: yo check it

mcguff aint feelin right tonite

like he swallowed a tin o vegemite

think he gonna have gastrocardiac episode

all in your pontiac

***McGuffTheTDDawg has vomited on MyFairGrady***

***MyFairGrady has vomit in his eyes and swerves the car across the center line***

LadyCop: Excuse me, sir, I noticed you were driving erratically back there.

MyFairGrady: come on miss this dipshit in the seat next to me puked on me

LadyCop: That's Sam McGuffie, All-American recruit from Texas. He wouldn't do that. Who are you?

MyFairGrady: u kidding me lady im kevin grady, all-universe recruit from this fuckin town

LadyCop: Whoa there, Mr. Grady. Maybe you should step out of the vehicle.

***MyFairGrady has exited the vehicle***

LadyCop: Now, if you are Mr. Grady and you are sober, then you should have no problem taking this handoff from me.

/pulls out football

***MyFairGrady has fumbled the handoff***

MyFairGrady: mothafuck