How the Rosenberg tried to steal the Season

Submitted by Blazefire on
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All of the Michigan fans who lived down in Michigan land loved Michigan football. Oh, how they loved it all.

The Champions and Best. Every game day test! The Maize and the Blue! They loved it, it’s true.

Yes, it’s safe to say, every Michigan fan felt this way.

On Saturdays they would gather, sit around, talk, chatter. Then the anthem would play, and “Oh say can you see”, they would say. The kickoff ensued, and victory pursued, their minds of just one focus!  The players left it on the field, and the fans’ resolve with each win was steeled. They didn’t need a lot of Hocus Pocus.

Yes, It’s safe to say Michigan fans loved Michigan football a lot.

But the Rosenberg, who looked down on Ann Arbor, did not.

How he hated The Victors. How he hated the Big House! How he hated losing! He only liked to get soused. He only liked to go boozing. Yes, Rosenberg liked the green and white. Liked them so much that he stayed up all night. He wanted to help destroy the Blue. But what, oh what could he do?

“I don’t have anything,” he said with a cower. “Why, it’s been days since I even had a shower! I have no talents, no friends. I can’t rally an angry mob.” Then, with a start, he realized, “Hey! I have a job!”

It’s true, he did. Nobody knows quite why. It certainly wasn’t for the best. But the old Rosenberg did indeed write for the old Detroit Free Press. Well… writing is perhaps too kind a term, but he at least put words next to each other, the sniveling little worm.

So to work he set, no research done yet, and pounded his ugly, gnarled hands on his keyboard. He called old players, the ones who couldn’t hack it, and asked if he lied and acted stupidly, would they back it?And when they said yes, his spirit soared.

Why, he even called honest freshmen, after chewing his sweetest breath mint, and whispered sweet lies in their ear.

“I want to write, for your fans, about how hard you work, so they will know how hard to cheer.”

Then he went further, and set his pea sized brain against understanding, again and again! When he would stop? Even he didn't know when!

At last, he had jerked out a truly disgusting masterpiece! No fact was undistorted. Many just went unreported. And then he knew it was time to unleash his beast!

The season was close! Tensions were high! Michigan expectations ran from the ground to the sky.

“Let me release it now,” the old Rosenberg cackled, “and in discord they’ll be shackled! They’ll be mired in argument, controversy; they won’t win a game!” And he was sure, he was positive, it would be just the same. “The fans will abandon. They’ll yell and they’ll jeer! They’ll call for Rodriguez’ head, and definitely won’t cheer.”

And then came the season, and the 4th week. And Rosenberg was so nervous, he could hardly speak.

“I don’t understand! My plan isn’t working! Not even after I did all that pointless ego jerking! Well, it won’t matter. They’ll lose today. Yes, then everything will be okay. Then, finally, Michigan will go away.”

And then the game was played, under the harshest conditions. In the center of Spartan land, so remote and unfinished, it was like an expedition!  Cattle wandered the town, with cows in the field. Obscenities were uttered, and cheap, cheap beer was spilled.

And then, oh what happened.

In Ann Arbor it’s thought, in Ann Arbor they say, Michigan whipped Michigan State 35 to 7 that day! And old Rosenberg’s boss, he could take it no more! Rosenberg was fired from his job, left utterly poor.

And the Rosenberg’s final indignity, as he sat on the curb, and pulled his feet back from the street sweeping machine, was just one thought:

“It must be great to be a Michigan Wolverine.”

Comments

GoBlueMAGNUS

August 31st, 2009 at 8:32 AM ^

Too bad ole rosendouch didn't take as much time on his crap reporting as you did on this. He probably wouldn't be looking like such an idiot a few weeks from now when were 5-0 and he's writing for the MSU student paper. I say again nicely done