How the NFL Grinch Tried to Steal Christmas

Submitted by michelin on

The NFL Grinch---a bitter, grouchy, internet-dwelling creature with a heart "two sizes too small"—heard all the noisy coaching festivities in Blueville.   Annoyed, he decided to steal Christmas.

He pretended to be Santa Claus.  He brought a bag of Super Bowl rings to Santa Clara (no, not Santa’s sister but the city where JH worked). Offering this bag of tricks in trade, the Grinch tried to steal from JH the 49 million presents that Blueville gave him.  To do so, the NFL Grinch concocted not a crafty lie but a meaningless truism.   He argued to JH that “Only in the NFL can you win the NFL Championship.”   It was like saying: “ Only in Alabama can you visit the Alabama State Capitol.” or “Only at Grant’s Tomb can you see Grant’s final resting place.”  Inhabitants of Blueville instantly saw the NFL Grinch’s ruse for what is was: just empty words from somebody full of himself

But the residents of Blueville worried still that the Grinch would steal JH and ruin their Christmas.  They worried until a sports statistician working for JH showed him why the SB rings were fool’s gold.   He pointed out that

-One of the best teams in NFL history went 18-0 but did not get a SB ring. 

-One of the greatest coaches ever--Bill Belichick—who had won 3 SBs---has not won a single SB  so far in the past ten years despite each year being atop the AFC East

-Oakland never even had a winning record for the past 12 years and to win a SB in 6 years would take more than a miracle.  Suppose a new miracle worker coach could turn them into the Seattle Seahawks in 6 years.  Say, their preseason SB odds increased constantly from their preseason 200-1 to 6-1 (the odds for Seattle).   Even then, the chances of a single SB win during ALL of the first five years would be 0.05.  —that’s less than the chances of winning a roulette bet on zero (0 ,00).  During the coach’s final, 6th year—after he’s turned them into the Seahawks-- the probability of a SB win still would be only  0.14—about the chances you’d win in Vegas by betting on craps (2,3,12).

So, JH saw that the NFL Grinch’s argument about the SB was BS.  Looking at his friends and family, as well as the young players and recruits in Blueville, he also realized that Christmas meant a bit more to him than a bag of rings from the NFL Grinch.  JH then rejoined the joyous inhabitants of Blueville, who were singing the Victors. They all thanked JH for defeating the Grinch and saving Christmas. Then, in the far above clouds, the honorary major of Blueville—named bl-Ufer said:  “God bless his cotton pickin' maize and blue heart.”

Comments

michelin

December 25th, 2014 at 10:57 PM ^

Yet, in 4 brief years, Harbaugh led a Stanford team that was16-40 under two prior coaches to their best ranking in 75 years (#4).*  He won the college national Coach of the Year award. He certainly could have won any number of national titles had he stayed there, coached for other prominent college suitors, or not played in the NFL.  But in accepting challenges beyond college, he acquired skills not possessed by other high profile college coaches.  As a player, he was: :

  • a ProBowl NFL QB  and
  • the UPI AFC player of the year

A a coach, in three short years, he

  • compiled one of the best NFL win % in history
  • reached three straight NFC title games
  • won the NFC (as well as the AFC as an assistant) and
  • won the AP NFL coach of the year award.

So, when he does win a national title at Michigan, a lot of competitors may be disappointed, but nobody's going to be surprised.

 

* Admittedly, Stanford had two seasons in the 20s and 30s that received other national title recognition, and it deserved the AP national title 75 years ago, but the last poll came before the Rose Bowl; so Stanford was stuck with a #2 AP ranking.   In any case, that was long, long ago.  It was 10 years before than Princeton’s last national title. 

After his first year as a HC (at USD), he also led that team to a league title two years in a row.

michelin

December 26th, 2014 at 12:52 AM ^

His accomplishments already exceed those of current coaches who have won a college national title.  Clearly, it is he---and not those other coaches-- who is currently sought by so many teams.  That's why he'll be the highest paid coach anywhere.  

Surely, he's got nothing he needs to prove to himself or anybody else.   It's like the actor whose won an Oscar for films but comes back to Broadway.   He doesn't  do that so he can win a Tony Award.  He does it so he can act.  Similarly, Harbaugh does not need or want to come back to college to prove he can win a national title.  He's coming back to coach at Michigan, his home and his alma mater.

 

 

 

Michigan4ever

December 25th, 2014 at 10:42 PM ^


As We Close out this Christmas Night, and think about all the Christmas Presents that we could have had or should have had, I would like to draw are attention to the "Ghost of Christmas Past" and to the Man that made Michigan what it is today.... Bo Schembechler...
And as I was looking for videos to remind me of Bo, I stumbled across the Lloyd Carr's comments at Bo's memorial service in 2006. Just listening to these to short videos makes me realize why a Man like Jim Harbaugh would want to actually leave the NFL and come and coach at Michigan... And that reason had a lot to to with one of the greatest coachs in history -- Bo Schembechler

 

Lloyd Carr speaks at Bo Schembechler Memorial Part 1

http://youtu.be/GE-LCHs9uLg?t=58s

 

Lloyd Carr speaks at Bo Schembechler Memorial Part 2

http://youtu.be/8gvWB9HTLao?t=5s

 

Remembering Bo Schembechler

http://youtu.be/D_LBB4RDMN8

 

michelin

December 26th, 2014 at 3:54 PM ^

Winning a SB bowl--or even taking a team to one-- is a nice feather in the coach's cap.  But it is not really the ultimate achievement of the coach himself. It is the achievement of an entire coaching staff and about 50 players.  A similar fact applies to winning a college national title.

Awards that more directly indicate the quality of the coach are those given to the coach himself.  Harbaugh has won National Coach of the Year honors in both college and the NFL.  Who else can say that?  What else does the guy really need to prove?

Nothing.

That's another reason why the Grinch's SB rings were a ruse..

 

michelin

December 27th, 2014 at 8:17 PM ^

(AP) A disgruntled Raiders fan leaked the following transcript, showing how NFL reporters rely on internet echoes for their “news.” 

"NFL reporter: I tell you, Rapoport, I don't know why I ever leave this place. I've got all the company I need right here.

[points to his computer, which is equipped with voice recognition and speech capabilities]

NFL reporter: [shouts at the computer] Hello?

Echo: Hello.

NFL reporter How are you?

Echo: How are you?

NFL reporter: I asked you first.

Echo: I asked you first.

NFL reporter: Oh right, that's REALLY mature, saying exactly what I say.

Echo: ...Saying exactly what I say.

NFL reporter: I'm an idiot!

Echo: You're an idiot!

NFL reporter: [whispering] Alright fine! I'm not talking to you anymore! In fact, I'm going to whisper! So that by the time my voice reverberates into the computer, through the internet, and gets back to me, I won't be able to hear it.

[pause]

Echo: You're an idiot!"

 

(adapted from the movie, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, 2000)