Both Michigan Robot and RB Robot have vowed to only commit to a school that also agrees to grant admission to their team's waterbot. Hello: WaterBot (a/k/a R2D2)!
Hello: Michigan Robot
There was a post earlier about a "curious M-Den item" in which many people speculated about whether this Michigan Robot could actually play football. Well, after some research, I found out more about our mechanized friend, and it appears that in all the buzz about Blake Countess(WOOOO!), people failed to realize that Michigan Robot also committed to play football for the University of Michigan. Therefore, to make up for this slight, I've compiled everything you need to know about this darkhorse athlete. Enjoy!
|5*, #1 CB, #5 Overall||6.0, #1 CB, #4 Overall||5*, 95, #2 CB|
Michigan Robot is a solid player who could contribute immediately in this defense. His size shouldn't be an issue, as Scout and Rivals have him listed at 11' 1" (ESPN, oddly, has him listed at just 10' 10"). He will also be playing in this year's U.S. Army All-Robotics Bowl. Here's is a breakdown of his game:
Michigan Robot is made of metal, he's indestructible, and he weighs the same as a truck. He literally destroys everything in his path. His speed could also be helpful in returns. He cannot kick, because he just obliterates the ball when he tries, which is a 5 yard penalty.
ESPN was the only site not to give Michigan Robot the nod as the #1 CB. Here's their reasoning:
Michigan Robot has great speed, size, and just about everything you'd want in a football player. He's a tremendous athlete, but there's a problem: he's not human. Thus, his talents are artificial and not natural. Seeing as how DeAnthony Thomas is a naturally-gifted athlete, he is our #1 rated CB.
Nevermind the fact that Michigan Robot has lasers for eyes, but moving on. Michigan Robot's tackling also seems to be superb, as to be expected when you were built for destruction. Scout breaks down his tackling:
His hips are always on a swivel: no seriously, his hips are welded to a swivel. As a result, Michigan Robot can allow his body to follow a tackle through to completion even if he doesn't get the initial stop on first contact, which never happens, so disregard that. How is this guy even legally eligible to play against humans?
Scout loves this kid, and made no attempt to hide it. Instead of quoting them, I'm simply provided the Scout page for you to observe yourself:
Michigan Robot is obviously a great athlete who loves to compete, and his performances at combines and scout camps have shown that time and time again. MI Robot's ability to cover receivers won't ever be questioned, because he's about the same height as a single-story ranch home.
Who didn't offer this kid? I mean, come on, he's a giant robot! Among the schools that Michigan beat out to land MI Robot were Florida, Alabama, Auburn, OSU, and MIT (YTMIT). The MIT offer seems odd since they haven't had a football team since...ever, but when you look at their offer, it becomes clear that they merely wanted to research how MI Robot functioned as a mechanized automaton.
MI Robot's final three came down to Michigan, Florida, and OSU, but ultimately picked Michigan because, as he put it:
During manufacturing my cranial shell was affixed with maize and blue wings, thus it seemed logical that I was meant to play for Michigan.
Scout's profile on Michigan Robot gave the following numbers:
Michigan robot didn't play football his senior year due to concern over "bodily harm to other, more human, players." However his junior year he recorded 35 interceptions, 235 tackles, 17 returns for touchdowns, and he successfully tied the goal posts into origami cranes after winning the state championship.
So, yea, he's pretty good. The only slight was in a game against Cass Tech when he got burned by a receiver for a touchdown because opposing fans yelled out a paradox in unison, thus confusing MI Robot (paradoxical statements have since been banned from all games in which MI Robot is playing in order to avoid self-destruction).
FAKE 40 TIME
ESPN and Rivals have MI Robot's speed at 4.43 even, but Scout tends to give his speed a little more credit, citing a 4.37 40 time. Since these times were timed by MI Robot's inner computer and then verified using statistical probability analysis on 1,000 hypothetical attempts, I'd say these times are pretty accurate.
Still, there's always error involved in statistical analysis, so I'll give these times a one-half FAKE out of five.
This is just a short clip, but it should tell you everything you need to know:
PREDICTION BASED ON FLIMSY EVIDENCE
When the only negative that scouts seem to give this kid is his "lack of humanity," you know you've got a good thing (as long as he's, well, not actually human). Still, it will be interesting to see if the coaching staff at Michigan will keep this kid at CB or use him, well, everywhere [Ed-M: My votes for hybrid FS/Terminator]. He's got the gifts to play nearly any position except QB (he tends to put too much mustard behind his throws, and he isn't made of Dilithium) and we could easily see him playing both ways a la Charles Woodson.
Don't look for MI Robot to redshirt since he is an obvious lock to start at an abhorrently depleted position (e.g. - the entire defense). There doesn't seem to be much Barwisizing to do because MI Robot isn't made from flesh and muscle, but never underestimate the power of milk.
Even as an underclassman, MI Robot has the potential to do special things, and I look forward to him being on All-American lists by season's end. Also, he could give Denard a run for the Heisman next year (but not really).
UPSHOT FOR THE REST OF THE CLASS
He's a freaking 11-foot robot who plays football, and he can play every position! Who cares? (Although it would still be nice to land a stud like
Walls Jernigan.) This could do wonders for our recruiting because, well, who the hell wouldn't want to play football with a football robot?
There are rumblings that MI Robot put a call out to Johnny 5 from "Short Circuit," and it turns out, he still has eligiblity.
Just don't tell him he's a robot. He thinks he's alive or something. Might be some character issues, however. He was rolling with the Los Locos.
Hey as long as he doesn't start dancing with the cheerleaders or something and focuses on football, then I am all for him joining the family.
I'll take a JUCO (JUnkyard Cleanup Operation) commit any day. Tons of experience.
I heard from Michigan Robot's high school coach that he was seriously considering Stanford until he learned that Harbaugh is staying for at least one more year . . .
After the Tacopants transfer, I was worried about having to face him in the upcoming years. It's about time we signed a recruit who can cover the guy. Sounds like this Robot is up to the task.
You forgot to mention GPA (2.7 - I don't think he's mastered those humanities courses).
That robot is going to get lots of stuffed beavers rubbed on his face! GERG better restock the stuffed animal drawer!
but anytime I see somebody say anything about rubbing beavers on the face, I chuckle a little bit inside.
kind of like a tickle in your midsection that spreads through your whole body? I like that.
I just hope he keeps Angry Michigan Robot-Hating God happy with a few sacrifices! I've got an old cell phone he could offer up...
outdid yourself on this one. Great stuff!!!
At first it sounded like Derp, then I realized he was saying DARPA. I did a bit of investigating and came up with this:
As you can see, he has both Texas and Maryland connections. After reading this, does anyone really believe that securing Blake Countess was a pure coincidence?
Really excellent work by UMAmaizinBlue to track this down.
Someone just called Braylon, and he said that even if this guy plays WR he's still not good enough for the #1 jersey.
Will someone posbang Braylon already, so maybe he won't be so grumpy anymore? yes you will have to stroke his beard and whisper Biletnikoff over and over again. just get over it and giterdun.
Definitely excited to have a commitment from Michigan Robot, but has anybody heard if he got qualifying test scores yet? My cousin from the same production line as him said he really struggled with writing. I'm hoping he can make up some ground on the math sections.
He'll be fine as long as the tests are Jeopardy-style.
I can't believe I missed this the first time through my research, but I just found out who did the recruiting on Michigan Robot. You may recognize him:
The Michigan Difference, indeed! Michigan Solar Car had this to say about the recruitment:
It was a tough sell to get Michigan Robot to come here, believe me. I mean, I think we all know how talented and coveted a recruit he is, but eventually we made a connection. It was also tough on me, since I couldn't attend any of his night games, but once he realized we had a player on the team made entirely of Dilithium, he knew he'd be more accepted into the Michigan family than elsewhere.
We will probably be able to sign whomever we want for the next few years, especially on offense. Who would want to play against this robot?
Plus, Michigan Robot aces every exam and will be attending on a full academic scholarship, meaning we still have an extra football scholarship to give!
I believe this was really Sam's gut feeling that everyone was buzzing about early on the board.
EDIT: MGoRobot is already dominating my computer!!
I believe this was really Sam's gut feeling that everyone was buzzing about early on the board.
Doesn't RR know that 5'10" - 5"11" is the optimal size for a corner?!one!?1!?
Apparently Barwis has now learned how to shrink people, and robots, so that shouldn't be an issue. I am unsure of the how the science works, but if you want to understand it start with Martin Short or Dennis Quaid.
Our current DBs and RBs are small enough.
This thread is humming like a well-oiled machine.
Thanks to the OP - truly awesome
Another Michigan recruit who didn't even have State on his radar.
...Uh, Michigan State.
...in East Lansing.
...like a big directional school.
You know what, nevermind.
One of the funniest user-generated pieces I can recall.
Michigan's "win-at-all-costs" attitude has hit a new low with this one. RR either didn't do his due diligence on Michigan Robot, or he ignored Robot's history of violence toward the elderly:
take her out - no mercy
Practicing for the Legends Division matchups, and the Buckeyes and Irish of course. Just an animal*
*but really a machine
This is outstanding. Although, I'm looking forward to Barwis getting ahold of Michigan Robot. He should have at least knocked that grandma to the other side of the street. He should be okay though - just needs to hit the bench press a bit.
I hope she had some Old Glory insurance
Plus 1 for the Sam Waterston making fun of Sam Waterston reference. Classic SNL parody.
Don't they know that making a representation of a player is an NCAA violation?
What does Fred Jackson have to say about him/it?
Also, Henne has kids? Damn, I'm old.
Asimov's 4th Law of Robotics states - no robot will ever be a Buckeye.
Can we get a statistical analysis of the correlation between mgoposbangs and player success?
P.S. Do you feel threatened by the fact that our new commit already accomplished this?
If only he could kick...
From watching his high school clips it looks like Michigan robot never shows any emotion on the field.
It also appears that he grew quite a bit his senior year.
is already providing more joy and laughter than Santa will provide this Christmas
I hope this is not really true - the thread is brilliant but I've been very good and I better see some good sh-t under my tree (e.g. Black Ops). Hint, hint, Santa.
LLOYD CARR ONLY RECRUITED PLAYERS WITH THE ABILITY TO FEEL. RR DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A MICHIGAN MAN OBVIOUSLY. IT'S NOT MICHIGAN BORG, IT'S MICHIGAN MAN!
I was expecting Rivals to give him 6.1.
I sat near his family. His mom was an exceptionally classy and supportive fan. It's pretty easy to see how his ones and zeros became appropriately sequenced.
Now plays for the Wolverines
Hasta la vista
We already have one of those
whatever. There's no way this robot is going to cut it in the Big Ten.
I've heard he has a really great motor.
says he is like a spark plug for the defense.