Gary Danielson: the Reason Why, a historically interpretive short story

Submitted by UofM Snowboarder on

Sitting alone, in a dark corner of The Knickerbocker, sat West Layfayette's saddest man. He drained the remaining ounces of his Pabst, and less than gently set it back down, and slid it into the pile of his other empties.

"Fuck this place," he muttered, drawing breath through clenched teeth.

He knew his dream was done. Four years prior, he was hearing stories of how he would be the next Bob Greise, the next Mike Phipps. He spent his high school nights dreaming of glory, of winning...

Now, in 1973, that had all faded. The end was nigh. It just wasn't fair. He knew he deserved greatness, but why didn't it happen? No bowls, no championship, not even a winning season. He slumped a little further down into his chair. It all started down hill when his hero, his role model, got beaten out by some quarterback from Florida.

As the waitress swung past the table, Gary made eye contact with her, and motioned for another beer.

He continued to rack his brain. Who's fault was it? It couldn't have been his. DeMoss's perhaps? That would make sense, he supposed. He shook his head. That shouldn't have mattered, he thought. He was following behind two men who almost won the Heisman, he, of course, should've done the same... should've been just as good.

And then that word struck him: 'Almost.' They weren't good enough either! He suddenly knew why: The reason for his complete failure to even throw a third as many touchdowns as interceptions, the reason why that 'Spurrier' kid beat out Greise for the Heisman... It was all Purdue's, no, not even that, it was all the BigTen's fault!

Yes!

How could he have missed this until now? He was set up for failure by the system. He could never beat someone from the South. No, he would never be good enough, no one from the BigTen could be, not if HE couldn't. Then and there, he finally understood. Those guys in the south. Those SEC teams, and especially those Florida quarterbacks, they will always be the best.

For the rest of the night, Gary sat back in his chair thinking of all the bad things that had happened in his life, using his new enlightenment to finally understand them:

"Of course my father beat me... he knew I would never be good enough to play for an SEC school."

"So that's why I got gonorrhea from that toilet seat."

As he became comfortable with his new world view, he took out his pocket knife, and etched into the table a heart, and inside he scratched:
G.D.
S.E.C

Now, 35 years later, if you were to go back to that same West Layfayette bar, you can go look around and find that same table. The heart has faded, but initials remain. That same spot, is where a man's inferiority complex blossomed into a life long relationship felicitating the SEC. Ahhh, true love does exist children, and that God Damn South Eastern Conference knows it.

Comments

tomhagan

January 2nd, 2009 at 7:52 PM ^

what is act two...when the lions desperate for a quarterback rescue gary from the ford motor assembly plant?

tomhagan

January 2nd, 2009 at 9:19 PM ^

"Gary Danielson's broadcast career has generated some controversy regarding his impartiality. During the coverage of the SEC Championship game on December 2, 2006, Danielson remarked that Michigan had not won the Big 10 Conference, and implied UM was not deserving of a rematch against Ohio State, who had beaten UM during the regular season. His statements sparked some outrage among Michigan fans, who perceived Danielson as being overly supportive of Florida's case for a berth in the BCS Championship Game after they won their conference Championship against Arkansas. [1]

Danielson is also known for his endearment towards Florida Gator quarterback Tim Tebow. During a 2007 Gators game versus the Florida State Seminoles, Danielson spent a large portion of the game circling Tim Tebow's body parts on the telestrator. This was seen as unprofessional by many in the media world."

Don

January 4th, 2009 at 7:18 PM ^

On 12-31-1983 in the playoff game against Joe Montana and the 49ers, the Lions lost 24-23. The most obvious goat was kicker Ed Murray, who missed two field goals, including the potential game winner as time expired.

However, the Lions' cause was not helped by Danielson's five interceptions.

That's right: five picks.

markusr2007

January 5th, 2009 at 4:13 PM ^

Purdue football under Gary Danielson at QB (he played 3 years):

1970: 3-7-0

1971: 6-5-0

1973: 5-6-0

This is why Danielson is just not remembered as a great Big Ten or Purdue QB. He never was a part of a winning or even challenging Big Ten football team. Boilermaker QBs Jim Herrmann, Scott Campbell, Jim Everitt and Drew Brees all have much more notoriety in West Lafayette and around the Big Ten than Danielson.

Danielson played a long time in the NFL for Detroit and then Cleveland. But when I think of Detroit Lions QBs (of note), I think of Greg Landry or Eric Hipple way before Danielson.

As far as I'm concerned, Danielson can laud over Tebow and the SEC teams all he wishes. Far more annoying are his Captain Obvious comments about the Big Ten being "so weak", or his incorrect assertion that the "spread offense is dying in college football". His partiality is one thing for viewers to have to deal with. But Gary Danielson being a complete nitwit as to the subject he covers (college football) is borderline unbearable.